Rawr, I am new

happypuff · Tufted Titmouse Joined: May 18, 2008 Age: 19 Posts: 29

Life story spiel: Nearly 19. When I was about 14 it dawned on me that I was different to everyone else, and the fact that everyone else could seemingly do things so effortlessly that I struggled with was such a great feeling. After about a year of this I took myself off to the school counsellor who, before I had stopped rocking up half a year later, tried to convince me that the depression etc I felt wasn't really that bad and all in my head.
So I spent the rest of high school not having any real friends and never going out and thinking there was something fundamentally wrong with me I would have to learn to simply ignore and get over, and that I was just selfish and lazy.
Since then I have met wonderful people at uni and at a year 11/12 student online forum place help with subjects etc, and this past half a year has been awesome. I've been out of the house with groups of friends 7 times so far I think this year, vs like 0 from 6 years at school. I also met a fantastic person who is now my boyfriend, who after about a month told me (in a nice way) there was something wrong with me because of my irrational fear of some social situations and becoming angry at others, and to have it checked out, to which I would think back on past experiences and say no its ok I'll just get over it over time, so after about 3 months of nagging I caved in and booked myself into the doctors with the belief that nothing would come of it and it would just be a waste of a few hours of everyone's time but now he won't annoy me any more about it. So the doctor referred me to the uni psychs upstairs who concluded I very most likely have this, and thankfully they know how to play the system so at the moment I am waiting for my doctors appointment just for the purpose of getting a referral to a specialist guy who can officially diagnose me + help, so this way I either get $30 off, or I only have to pay $30 each visit (I can't remember which way it was, I don't care, all I know is it will be cheaper Razz

)

And just finding out that has been so good. That my views of myself were justified. That there is a reason I have never fitted in. I'm not a sad pathetic loser, I am just different to most people. After I accepted this it is like the depression half (as opposed the the anxiety half) that has crippled me for the last 5 years just packed up and left without complaint, which is damn awesome Very Happy

Anyway, I have a few questions (ie this post has a purpose to it). I suppose some of it is just because of my impatience at the speed of RL, but anyway:
1. My experience in the past of posting on internet forums, when I start there I am in the position of knowing everything and helping other people. This has been the case on the two main places I have been in my life, neopets and my high school forum (which tbh I treated year 12 as a game, where the aim is to know everything that could be on the exam and to write what they want to see, and anything outside it is irrelevant. that was a horrible way of learning and supposedly I am in the top 0.15% of students in australia according to my results xD, they are erroneously high). Now I really want to post here, but I feel on the back foot as for once I am the seeker of information, not the almighty lurking provider. Do I just jump in and post anyway, despite knowing I will say some completely stupid, wrong things?
2. I am really terrible at researching things for myself, I need the structure laid out for me. This is a bad thing as I am very curious about my aspie ways and want to know moar. I have googled my heart out and clicked 50 links I've seen on forums etc, and while I *think* I have a general understanding about *what* I have, this has left several unanswered areas such as:
- k I now know this, now how do I re train myself to fit in with everyone else more, to get along with them etc
- How do you define these differences, eg supposedly my senses are all either hyper or hyposenstive. How the hell can you compare this to other people? How am I supposed to know xD
- Similarly, the first time I did things like the aspie quiz, when I came across questions like 'do you notice things other people don't' I honestly put no as the answer, but since then I have been told that being constantly aware of every single surrounding car's number plate etc is not 'normal' so now I honestly answer yes. If I am supposed to have trouble understanding other people, how am I meant to draw accurate comparisons to them. How do I know if I am making my differences too big or too small in my head?
- We have 'a different way of thinking' to NT people. Explain different. How do you know this to be true.
Where can I look to answer these things, thanks =). If I think of more (Im sure I've forgotten something....) I'll add it later Razz

So feel free to link to other threads on the forum I might have missed, to be honest I've only really read stickied and < 1 month old ones.

Thank you so much. Overall, this is all very exciting in my opinion because I am not alone ^_^