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Sublyme
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 191
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 Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:51 pm Post subject: Now this?? |
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I made a huge mistake at work. I mean huge. It was just a small oversight, but not caught in time, and now it's a huge mess. I don't deal well with making mistakes, especially stupid ones that can be avoided. I can't get this out of my head. I let everyone down and totally embarrassed myself and my superiors. I don't deserve this position, or this salary. I really should still be replacing tires and changing oil. I don't know why I though I could work with anything other than machines.
The first thing that popped into my mind was to shoot myself in the head, then I remembered I don't own a gun (I'm prone to psychosis and that wouldn't be a good idea). I talked myself out of it, and decided that I should resign from my job. Then I talked myself out of that and here I am, still alive, still employed, and just feeling like sh**.
I had been doing so well for a while. I was on top of everything, paid attention to all the little details, got everything done on time, even before it was due. I was doing good with making eye contact and attempting small talk with my coworkers and generally acting human and now this.....
So I have to go back to work tomorrow and what's worse I'm supposed to go out to lunch with my group. I really can't imagine sitting there with my bosses and coworkers and going over and over this stupid mistake in my head, and to be expected to eat too? I have to get out of that lunch.
I hate making mistakes like this because I don't know how to respond. I have the emotional development of a six year old. What I really want to do is bang my head against a wall until it splits open, and usually that's the kind of thing I do, only this time I just became totally non-verbal, and very very tired, I can't even boil water to make pasta for dinner..... |
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Rynok
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 11, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 413
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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I'd recommend stopping the vicious cycle you got going first of all.
Secondly, lunch doesn't seem like a good idea but it would probably help you out a lot. Everybody makes mistakes, and your going to stand out like a soar thumb if you can't acknowledge the fact and move on with your life. They probably won't mention it, or they will in a light hearted fashion, but the fact that you show up and make the effort to live life normally afterwards says a great deal about you.
I caused an outage at work a few months into my job. Turns out it wasn't horrible but it wasn't a good thing either. Things happen, but you can't run and hide from it.
Sorry to hear about it though. |
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Sublyme
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 191
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:40 pm Post subject: |
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I know I need to stop it. I'm acting like a big baby......
One of the things I find very frustrating is the inability to tell the difference between a small insignifigant mistake and a big one. Really it may not even be that big at all, but I'd have no way of telling otherwise. To me every detail is important no matter how small.
I don't know why I can't just deal with this like a normal person....maybe because I'm not quite normal. I am able to live independantly, and have a career, but I really don't belong here. My emotions are all messed up. I have been having more meltdowns and shutdowns than usual, maybe it's more stress, maybe it's the summer, I don't know......what I do know is that I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow..... |
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Rynok
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 11, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 413
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:46 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, more meltdowns and shutdowns sounds like more stress for sure. It definitely isn't going to be fun, but it will be a character builder for sure. Consider it a learning experience! A story for the grandkids! Something like that.
My friend and I used to play a game where whoever had the most ackward points at the end of the year won. That way, when your in an awkward moment, your like "Ugh, I hate these...but hey! I get a point! Oh Yeah! I'm gonna win!!!". Ya know, your feeling awkward but your also happy you get a point for it and a story to share when you get back. |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4973
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 11:59 pm Post subject: |
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I used to "beat myself up" alot but the longer you are working, (I'm 44), the more you realize that there actually are more incompetent people then you. Honestly, haven't met anyone that hasn't made some major mis-steps in their jobs. Some people do it with frequent and frightening regularity...like my current manager.
The positive thing about it is that your over reaction will actually make you less likely to ever make that mistake again. The worst workers are the ones who are actually so in-denial about making mistakes that they never see them or admit to them= never learn from them. Admitting to making mistakes is the mature approach and will make others see you as "human" . They may tease you about it but it is really their way of saying....thank goodness, I am not the only one who makes mistakes. Letting them know that you feel bad about it, (without obsessing on it), will make them feel more at ease about their own mistakes.
Go to the lunch and except some of the teasing you may get. It is an odd way of "bonding", for many NT's. Believe it or not, it does get easier with time and making mistakes IS part of the learning process.
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Vexcalibur
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 610
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:03 am Post subject: |
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You make it sounds like a big mess, but you didn't get fired. I think this means that for the company/your boss, your worth is bigger than the damage the mistake has caused, so just avoid repeating that mistake, work hard and don't give up, it will be hard the first month after the incident but, I am sure that you and your coworkers can get over it.
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Mankind is not evil; itīs just misinformed ~ Charles Xavier |
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jawbrodt
Only Truth
Joined: Jan 27, 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 5815
Location: Northcentral, Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:58 am Post subject: |
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I've read the above responses and they are excellent. I don't really have anything to add except, that you seem to hold yourself to higher standards, as I do. This ensures that your job performance is top-notch, even though you will make some mistakes from time to time. Learn from them, and move on. Just try to learn to be a little more lenient on yourself when you make those mistakes. You are human. 
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Those who speak, don't know.
Those who know, don't speak. |
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Sublyme
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 191
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:35 pm Post subject: |
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Well the mistake was a pretty big one, but we have a solution. The thing I can't get out of my head was that I overlooked it in the first place. Not just once, but for three weeks. How could I miss that? For three weeks? I never miss little stuff like that. Missing that one little thing could have totally wasted millions of dollars of products. I did catch it in time, and I have a solution, but I still can't get it out of my head.
We don't get fired for that stuff usually, but it will go down on my review, and my boss will use it against me in the future.
Generally speaking I'm usually pretty hard on myself. I guess it's because I try so hard to fit into a world where I don't belong. I tend to overreact when I make mistakes, because I can't help but be reminded of my shortcomings.
I don't have the highest self esteem and I constantly fight the feeling that I'm a failure (where's a manic episode when I need one??).
I need to just grow up already.
Last edited by Sublyme on Wed Jul 09, 2008 5:56 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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flailure
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 13, 2007
Posts: 622
Location: my office
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Sublyme wrote: | | I need to just grow up already. |
Nah, hold that thought. Growing up just makes you cynical and cold. I know it's semantics, and I know you mean that you just need to learn to deal with things like this better, but think about how (nt) kids react to mistakes, and even scoldings. They may be sad or upset for a few minutes, but after a few minutes they're good to go.
I do feel where you're coming from though. I have walked out on a few jobs because of similar things. I could not deal with the embarrassment and the knowledge that I had disappointed my bosses and my peers - I would have such a horrible pain in my chest at the thought of confronting them that I would just leave and not look back. I have learned over the years to just own up to any mistakes and do what I can to rectify them but it certainly hasn't taken the edge off of the shame that comes with screwing up.
I will say that a turning point for me came about 11 years ago when I screwed up something at work and my manager took me aside and chewed me out for about 40 seconds and then said, "OK, that's enough of that - now let's go make some money!" Normally I would have been ashamed enough to quit on the spot but he was straight to the point and made me feel like it was not the end of the world, and he never brought it up again. I ended up staying there for another 2 relatively happy years.
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makuranososhi
Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Joined: May 13, 2008
Posts: 1948
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Sublyme wrote: | | One of the things I find very frustrating is the inability to tell the difference between a small insignifigant mistake and a big one. Really it may not even be that big at all, but I'd have no way of telling otherwise. To me every detail is important no matter how small. |
*blink* It is uncanny in how familiar what you said is for me. There is no gradation, no shades - it's just a major failure when it hits the internal system. When I don't meet a deadline or make a mistake on a document or score, it is a massive issue; at the same time, so is getting confused as to when I was supposed to meet everyone for lunch. I wish they were color-coded so I'd know what was a catastrophe-in-waiting and what is minor BS.
I agree with much of what Flailure said - you don't need to grow up, per se... you need to find a path to accepting mistakes. That is no way, shape or form an easy task to accomplish.
M.
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