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hazma
Hummingbird
Joined: Nov 07, 2007
Posts: 21
Location: england
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 Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 4:36 pm Post subject: CAN ANYONE HELP? |
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| Hi some of you know our situation from previous threads however Ill briefly describe situation:_12 year old boy had problems for quite some time,finally been dx with aspergers and today 2nd dx adhd.School aware of aspergers,we got turned down for assessment LA and ED psych came into school to give them strategies to support him.Things improved slightly last couple weeks,had a great day fri till last lesson.Had call from science teacher very het up and stressed and very snappy with me telling me he had wrecked her lesson and had walked out.Thinking she wanted to discuss what may have happened,how we were going to deal with it ect I asked her a couple of questions,big mistake she snapped she wasnt interested in why he did it just wanted me to know how atrocious his behaviour had been,she practically slammed the phone down after very curt Goodbye.He has detention arranged for tomorow.He had complained another child was sticking his fingers up and she said she didnt see it and he must have been making it up.This is child who has been one of the ones bullying him emotionally and physically for months.Other children said other child didnt do it.My son is very isolated and rarely anyone will stand up for him,plus this other lad is popular.When he walked out of class teacher grabbed him other children were cat calling and trying to inflame situation.I will agree to detention because he needs to find ways to deal with situations like this without freaking out but her attitude astounded me.I want to write a note tomorow and say Im sorry that situation occured but surely the way to limit a repeat performance is to find the triggers and what if anything inflames the situation,How can I put it across in as plain a way as possible without seeming that Im unsympathetic to her position in dealing with disruptive behaviour? |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4973
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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Just from your description of this teacher and her very unprofessional ......using you to vent on..(hello teacher, if you need to vent, go see a psychologist), I would guess that the prognosis of her being reasonable is not very good. Some just don't have the ability to reason, (perhaps a neurological condition that needs to be DXed in many NTs?)
Is there any possibility of getting him transfered to another teacher, or working independently?
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EvilTeach
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 15, 2007
Age: 48
Posts: 208
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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In the states we have an IEP, which you and the school puts together to decide how to deal with situations.
It has the force of law.
I can't speak for Britian.
I would walk over top of the teachers head,
right to the principal, and get them involved.
It sounds like the teacher doesn't have enough background
to be able to deal with your child.
The lack of support from the class is not particularly surprising. |
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katrine
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 24, 2006
Posts: 550
Location: Copenhagen
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 2:23 am Post subject: |
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Sorry to hear about this teacher's ignorant an rude behaviour! It makes me angry that you have to deal thtkind of a person. It reflects her own lack of skill dealing with the problem. Educate her!
Also perhaps tell the school you need one person, all communication goes through... a person with some knowledge of Aspergers and ADHD. It will make things easier and filter some of this unconstructive "noise" out. |
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reika
Supporting Member
Joined: Aug 14, 2007
Posts: 1008
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 3:51 am Post subject: |
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I agree w/ evilteach, I would write a letter to the principle, and the superintendent stating your case and that perhaps it would be in the best intrest of both your child and the teacher if she had some "continuing education classes"(do a little research here and find some to insert in the letter. ) They offer 6 week classes here in the States to people who give child care to AS and Autistic children free of charge, and theres also a 6 week course to accredit teachers somewhere in North Carolina I think it was.
All in an effort to "help her" better understand and resolve the issues that are going to arise in the future in regards to your childs education and sense of emotional well-being. With the statistics being on the rise as they are these situations are just going to occur more frequently and the school system needs to prepare its staff for it.
Make sure they know right from the "get-go" that you are not going to just "lay down" for them. That you are going to advocate for what is best for YOUR CHILD, NOT for what is "easiest for the teacher."
Also let it be know that very rarely do ASpies and Auties outright "lie", so it's possiable the other popular kids were lying. "Can one actually concieve of such a thing?"
And mostly, just because SHE did't "see it" HES a liar? Shes also never "seen" a dinosaur, are all those fossils something we all just made up? Apoligizing to her would not even cross my mind, and I would think if any apoligies were forthcoming they should fall out of HER mouth!
I would also add in there about how taken aback you were by the teachers unprofessional manner in her conversation w/ you and how it reflects badly on the school as a whole.
Give a copy of the letter to the teacher also and let her know that youve sent a copy to the superintendent.
I'm so lucky as my autistic daughters teachers and all of the schools staff are really supportive and great w/ her. The IEP is great and the parents have lots of imput on it.
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2307
Location: new england
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:09 am Post subject: |
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| clearly, this teacher does not understand or accept aspergers as a valid dx.......i've run into similiar situations with my son & teachers in his old middle school. if there's a school social worker, i'd bring them in on this too.....call a meeting to discuss the bullying that's going on & ask what they're going to do to address the situation. |
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robynsteward
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 10, 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 5:22 pm Post subject: I was the same |
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at school I behaved the same way, I didn't fit at al and had no friends,the teachers behaved the same way as did the kids, its as if your writing part of my biography.
I think that from the sounds of things you have done all you can do, and you have to hold on for the ride, Im sorry this is happening to you, But although we can try to make teachers understand ( Im a trainer) some just aren't interested,that said the DDA ( disability Discrimination Act ) does state that schools have to make reasonable adjustments,so if teachers aren't getting the message then perhaps they need mire information and training, which they cant really refuse as how do you make a reasonable adjustment when you don't know what adjustments need to be made I would guess that they have had some training already though,
I suggest you complain about this incident to the head and send the letter Cc to your local Mp and the board of governors (I know this seems like alot of offical bods at nce but in the future you will be able to say that you did try and do somthing, and heres the proof, also make sure you keep detailed notices on ay incidents at school and keep in touch with the SENCO
if this dosn't work perhaps you need to think about another school.
Please don't feel this is your fault its not its bad classroom management.
hang on in there! |
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Emen
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 19, 2008
Posts: 33
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 9:59 pm Post subject: |
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Hi there,
Had a slightly similar situation with my son when he was at High school - I agreed that he do the detention but made it clear to the school that I didn't feel it was justified and why. I used this occasion to make sure the school knew what his difficulties were, that he was unable to advocate for himself, so I would do that, and that they absolutely must make allowances for his differences.
On the whole the school were very good and some individual teachers were wonderful, especially a couple who wanted to know how best to help him and met with me. However, I had to rattle a few cages in order to get the help he needed and though I bent over backwards to be tactful, the school immediately went on the defensive. I'm a teacher myself and sadly, I know that's what many teachers do if they feel they're being criticised.
The behaviour of the other kids in your son's class, as you describe it, catcalling etc. is absolutely unacceptable and no self-respecting teacher should let that go. Do not apologise to the school, you haven't done anything wrong, but maybe you can use this incident to set up a meeting with the Deputy Head or the Head of his Year, or someone with whom you can build a relationship and contact whenever you need to. Emphasise that you're not primarily concerned with laying blame (although you may be) but only in improving the situation. Acknowledge the teacher's difficulties in dealing with your son and ask what the school and you can do to make things better. Try and stress the partnership between home and school, but remember they are the paid professionals and it is their responsibility to educate your son in an environment that's emotionally, as well as physically safe. If they can't do that they are failing professionally and if at all possible you may want to look for a different school for him.
We sent our son to a Catholic Co-ed school (many schools in NZ are single-sex), though we're non-catholics as we felt the gentler, community ethos might be kinder to him - as it proved to be.
It's very hard when we see our beloved children being badly treated, but I know from experience you'll get better results from not dwelling too much on the failings of the school and teachers (although you can curse them in private) and instead focus on how you and they can work together to help your son. |
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Shanonni
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 22, 2008
Posts: 1
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:04 pm Post subject: Teen Just Diagnosed |
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Hi there. My 15 year old son has just been diagnosed and this has made all the difference. Before he had endless problems with the school. I lost count years ago of suspensions and he has been kicked out of 4 schools. He was violent at home and at school and often would walk out of classes and that was the good behaviour.
I had spoken to the teachers on many occasions about management of his problems (now know it is AS) but many ignored me and provoked him to the point of police being called. When this happened I spoke to the principal and arranged for him to be removed from the class permenantly and moved to a different class with a teacher that would work with him.
Now that we know what we are dealing with we have a whole new class schedule only with teachers that understand and they are finding that everyone is happier. He is very bright and now that he can be engaged in class activities everyone is benefiting from it.
Talk to the principal of the school and if not go to the education department. They are there to help not to cause distress. |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 1038
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:22 pm Post subject: |
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I think the above posts are all very good, and I only have one thing to add. My instinct tells me to get your child assigned to a different class. What I've noticed with my son is that the stress from prior bad experiences can really linger, so that no matter what changes with a teacher, just walking into the same room puts him two steps closer to a meltdown. If you can remove that associatiion, and start with a clean slate in a new room with a more accomodating teacher, you will improve the chances of success. A LOT.
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