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Dracula
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 23, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 412
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 Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 11:03 pm Post subject: Silence to convey mystery. |
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Looking back, I met a lot of girls in school that found me appealing simply because... I ignored them, and remained silent throughout most of the school days. I was never outgoing with my words, but I was bold with my actions. I created notoriety, see, with misbehaving.
But one thing I was asked so often: "Why don't you talk?"
When I ignored the question, rolled my eyes, they became more adament. That was a few years ago when I knew nothing about the dating game. If I knew then what I know now? I could've made it work to my advantage ten-fold.
I think silence has become a lost art in today's society. Everyone is always running their trap about anything and everything. When a quiet person does come along, they somehow bear more power. The words they do speak hold more weight. And most of all: they're more mysterious. |
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Zara
is a Large Hadron Collider
Joined: Jun 24, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 1540
Location: Deep Dungeon, VA
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 11:42 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, I've heard a lot about girls liking the "mysterious silent stranger"...
I've been one myself for many years. Silence is something I'm well known for.
But it hasn't gotten me any serious attention from ladies, so maybe it's all rubbish.
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jkrane
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 11, 2007
Posts: 508
Location: 39uqlksdj3ujadlskd
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:07 am Post subject: |
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The strong, silent type.
Tried that act.
Didn't work  |
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Dracula
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 23, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 412
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:14 am Post subject: |
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| Zara wrote: | Yeah, I've heard a lot about girls liking the "mysterious silent stranger"...
I've been one myself for many years. Silence is something I'm well known for.
But it hasn't gotten me any serious attention from ladies, so maybe it's all rubbish. |
Do a retrospective. You might have missed chances that were glaring you in the face. |
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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 888
Location: Telos
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:37 am Post subject: |
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| I've found that not talking to women usually results in them not talking to me. |
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Who_Am_I
Caffeine-Powered Human-Type Thing
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 3216
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:44 am Post subject: |
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I wish my silence had that effect. It makes people think I'm shy, and try to put my at my ease (which I was before they started on me). Then again, I'm female, and there is probably a different perception of what quietness means in males and females.
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I don't dislike humans, I just don't want them to inhabit the same planet as me. |
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Dracula
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 23, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 412
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:49 am Post subject: |
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Like I said:
Boldness in action.
That means DO interact with her, on some level, but primarily with action. Make her ask the questions first.
I have a way of doing this, and it's remarkably simple, but I want someone to figure it out themselves. |
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Arbie
Educated Stupid
Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 1683
Location: Near Greenville S.C.
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:59 am Post subject: |
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I can count the number of times this has actually worked for me on one finger, and I still blew it.
I think that if I could act in public the same way I do with family members then most of my social problems would be solved. Not that I don't have my quirks when acting like my "true self", but at least a few people out there would surely find me interesting.
So since I am not really the strong silent and mysterious type, why try to be someone I'm not? I have a hard enough time acting like the person that I am. Still, what ever works for you I guess. |
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MizSpock
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 05, 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 22
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 1:35 am Post subject: |
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i'll say as an NT girl dating a (probably, but not diagnosed) AS guy, that i find the silence more maddening than mysterious. in all honesty, if i hadn't done research about AS on my own and found this forum to gain a little insight into my guy's perspective, i would be close to letting him go.
i'll admit that initially it was nice to pace ourselves and not rush the pace at which we became acquainted, but as time goes on, it's tiring to have to pull teeth to get my guy to open up about anything. i've seen him around his family and know that he is capable of more typical conversations and interactions - but i get precious little of it from him one on one and it's more than a little distressing.
the sense of intimacy and connectedness that comes from just sharing emotional and intellectual space in conversation is hard to duplicate/manufacture/do without.
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Don't go breakin' your shin on a stool that's not in your way -- Irish proverb
That's highly illogical, captain. -- Mr. Spock
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of that fact. -- George Eliot |
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Aspinator
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 24, 2008
Posts: 74
Location: AspinatorLand
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:52 am Post subject: Silent |
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| When I am silent around women they normally ask their friends, what's his f***ing problem?" |
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ryry85
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 13, 2008
Posts: 142
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 3:36 am Post subject: |
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| Cyberman wrote: | | I've found that not talking to women usually results in them not talking to me. |
touche |
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Phasianoraptor_hirvisaloi
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 28, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 49
Location: Oulu, Finland
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 4:20 am Post subject: |
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| Cyberman wrote: | | I've found that not talking to women usually results in them not talking to me. |
And I've realized that any attemp to initiate socially with women results in them distancing from me even more than when I simply don't talk to them.
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A feasible critic must also suggest a more probable explanation for the existing data.
In any field of study, not a single creationist or an IDiot has ever succeeded to suggest an explanation more probable than that of the scientific community's. |
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No_YOU_get_over_it
Toucan
Joined: Jun 29, 2008
Posts: 255
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:13 pm Post subject: |
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Last night I wanted to wind down and not isolate, but not talk to anyone.
I went to a lounge, sat at the bar, ordered a big bottle of water, and read The Economist.
A regular (it was my first time there but everyone seemed to know him) offered me some orange candy things he was offering everybody, but otherwise pretty much left me alone. He also engineered getting rid of some young scalliwags who were getting too close & loud from the other side.
So, mystery, no. But he sure as heck built appreciation for having respected my need for space and silence.
When I'd read as much as I was going to, and signaled openness for convo, he started w/ the usual chit-chat I get as soon as someone hears I have an accent. I've quit having that discussion and tell 'em it doesn't matter where I'm from. He offered to buy me a drink, I said I never accept drinks but I could offer him a glass of water. So I ordered another bottle and asked for a glass for him.
Then I felt like sitting outside, so I asked the waiter to move my glass & water (when I'm having a physically 'off' day, I don't risk dropping/spilling stuff if I can help it; plus I was in heels so that was already risk enough to manage) to the terrace. I told the dude it was nice to meet him, and now I needed fresh air & light to read. (They'd turned the lights way down inside.)
As I was paying afterward, he thanked me for the water FROM BEHIND, which wasn't impolite in NT world but felt overwhelming for me. In general though, him respecting my space and reading my Don't Talk sign def. earned him points.
Total silence would have gotten him zero points b/c I wouldn't have had any indication he was respecting my space.
But mystery? nah. Men generally don't have an air of mystery for me. That's just smoke men blow in each others' faces. Like telling their friends they look like certain celebrities.
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NB: contents of above post represent my opinion at time of post only. YMMV, NAYY, and most importantly, IALBTC! |
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Since
Raven
Joined: Jul 30, 2007
Posts: 119
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 1:06 pm Post subject: |
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I can't think of any clearer signal for not wanting social contact that reading The Economist.
I mean, unless you are in an economist bar (The Dismal Off-License?) but I'm having trouble imagining such a thing. |
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No_YOU_get_over_it
Toucan
Joined: Jun 29, 2008
Posts: 255
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 4:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Since wrote: | | (The Dismal Off-License?) but I'm having trouble imagining such a thing. |
Laugh. Out. Loud.
Oh, my. Where is that bar? Wouldn't that be the greatest? I need to go there.
The Economist would probably be the lightest reading material at an Aspie bar - if someone was reading that, you'd know they were into being chatted up.
Thanks for getting a belly laugh out of me.
(I doubt many people here recognize the rag though, maybe other expats. The kiosk had the issue from 3 weeks ago on the rack and I had to wait around for them to check the storage area for the new issue.)
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- NYGOI
NB: contents of above post represent my opinion at time of post only. YMMV, NAYY, and most importantly, IALBTC! |
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