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Birdgirl
Toucan
Joined: Dec 14, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 296
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 Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 10:44 pm Post subject: Am I the only (androgynous) Asexual here? |
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It feels like I am. I've attempted relationships in the past... See, I'm capable of romantic feelings to a certain extent. Just in the first phase, but still, nothing sexual. But ultimately I am only interested in platonic relationships.. I can NOT comprehend this MANIACAL obsession with sex that most people seem to have. I don't understand it.
I also don't understand why people try to build a relationship on pure infatuation and nothing more... Yes, there may be common interests and intellectual compatibility, but if you're asexual, you're rendered USELESS. At least that's the vibe I'm getting. I understand the natural human desire to procreate, and the fact that sex is enjoyable to most, but come on. Don't alienate people even further.
and... when I try to explain to people, for instance ex-boyfriends, I am made out to be the bad guy EVEN THOUGH I state how I am in the beginning.
Bah. It does feel as though I'm the only one, at times.. An androgynous asexual, at that-- I don't feel male or female. Dressing (or acting) strictly as either sex is very disorienting and uncomfortable. Why does one have to be either or? I just can't relate.
_________________
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing. - -Shakespeare |
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Aspinator
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 24, 2008
Posts: 74
Location: AspinatorLand
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 11:03 pm Post subject: Non Sexual |
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| I also feel sex is vastly overrated and have a hard time understanding the NTs fascination and pursuit of it. Supposedly they have a compulsion similar to a salmon swimming upstream to spawn. I feel abstinence is also healthy especially to a new relationship. If a couple's relationship is solely physically based, there probably wasn't much there to begin with. If they abstain physically for awhile they could learn to see and respect each other as unique individuals. |
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Birdgirl
Toucan
Joined: Dec 14, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 296
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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Aye.
And you know when you see those lovely, happy old couples who just seem so peaceful and content with each other? They aren't groping or hanging all over each other, they aren't arguing non-stop... They just are. If I'm going to have a life partner, they have to be my best friend first and foremost.
_________________
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing. - -Shakespeare |
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Ah_Q
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 25, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 38
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 11:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I don't feel male or female. Dressing (or acting) strictly as either sex is very disorienting and uncomfortable. Why does one have to be either or? I just can't relate. |
This is how I feel. I really don't identify with the masculine or feminine stereotypes. It's not androgynous to the effect of having both masculine and feminine characteristics it's more just lacking them altogether. I wear the same baggy unisex uniform everyday. I'm physically androgynous as well and have had people mistaken my sex before. This is something that would probably bother most people profoundly but I could care less.
I can't honestly say that I'm asexual. There are periods where my sexuality is very dormant and it's not really on my mind at all but it's still there, and always comes back.
It's gotta be hard to want a close relationship with someone that's not sexual, especially with men. Asexuality is not very common, at least in my country. Those ex-boyfriends probably thought they could change you and it's very arrogant of them to believe that they would be the special one that would cause you to just change suddenly. It was wrong of them no to listen to you and respect your desires. |
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Zane
Toucan
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 266
Location: Tempe, Arizona
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 11:53 pm Post subject: |
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Have you ever had sex?
If yes: Then you must know the imeanse connection that comes from it. The powerful amount of energy that is gifted when you and her/him connect and become one being....
If no: Then you have nothing to bas your judgment off of.
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No one grows by sitting at home; so get up, get out, and get a life. |
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Zane
Toucan
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 266
Location: Tempe, Arizona
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 11:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Birdgirl wrote: | Aye.
And you know when you see those lovely, happy old couples who just seem so peaceful and content with each other? They aren't groping or hanging all over each other, they aren't arguing non-stop... They just are. If I'm going to have a life partner, they have to be my best friend first and foremost. |
It's called Neutral love. Very common amongst rich families...it is a kind of love where they are intellectually stimulated...share certain ideals...but eventually stop having sex because they made their children and now can carry on the family name.
_________________
No one grows by sitting at home; so get up, get out, and get a life. |
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windscar15
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 17, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 431
Location: San Jose, California
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:11 am Post subject: |
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| I actually got cussed out by my friend for calling his relationship with his current girlfriend primarily sexual when he kept talking about the sex. |
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jkrane
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 11, 2007
Posts: 508
Location: 39uqlksdj3ujadlskd
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:21 am Post subject: |
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| Personally, I don't see the whole point of wining and dining a girl, and going through all the trouble of building a relationship with her if she won't put out. I know it's an asshole thing to say, but I'm damn honest about it. I might as well put a fraction of the effort in and have a non-sexual relationship with a guy. |
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voss749
Raven
Joined: Apr 04, 2006
Posts: 112
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 1:10 am Post subject: |
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If I hear yet another aspie girl tell us how asexual she is, Im gonna scream! 
While im not as obvious as Jkrane about it, I do agree.
If a guy is going to put time into a relationship it ought to go
somewhere...
Obviously sex may not always be important (like when your 80) but
even the 80 year old guys want the memory of the hot times to keep
them warm when they cuddle with their old ladies. |
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Birdgirl
Toucan
Joined: Dec 14, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 296
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 1:32 am Post subject: |
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So I suppose I should just go live in a cave then?
_________________
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing. - -Shakespeare |
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jkrane
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 11, 2007
Posts: 508
Location: 39uqlksdj3ujadlskd
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 1:49 am Post subject: |
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| Birdgirl wrote: | | So I suppose I should just go live in a cave then? |
Yeah...I guess so.
lolololol jk!
There are other aspies and auties who are asexual. Do you like other forms of physical gratification? Touching, kissing, fellatio? Have you tried having sex/masturbating? |
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pakled
"Bless his Heart"
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Age: 50
Posts: 2768
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 2:06 am Post subject: |
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no one says you need to rule it in, but I wouldn't say 'never' and rule it out, either..
I probably sound like someone's mother or something, but I think that maybe you haven't met the right person. While it's not the cake, it's certainly the icing... |
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BokeKaeru
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 477
Location: Alternately Los Angeles, CA and Northampton, MA
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 4:02 am Post subject: |
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Oooh boy yes. Both apply to me, though I'd venture to say the asexuality somewhat more than the androgyny, as I'd dress up in all pink, makeup and high heels and talk like a stereotypical valley girl way long before I let someone touch me in an invasive manner. And that's what it is to me. Invasive. I want companionship, but why does it have to come to that? It doesn't, and I'm sure - no, I know, I'm not the only one who thinks that. It's lonely sometimes, sure, but I'd prefer to wait for someone who understands me for me and wants the same sort of emotional and intellectual connection rather than settle for someone that would willingly and knowingly press on beyond my comfort levels.
I won't use someone and then refuse them, I won't impose celibacy on anyone, I won't say that no one should have sex or enjoy it, but I do wish people would have the same respect (which, unfortunately, has not been shown in this thread), that being that asexual people and their interests are okay, and it isn't necessarily to have sex or reproduce to have a full life, or even to share love with someone. Sexual love, eros, is only one form of the "three kinds" as classified by the Greeks, along with philos, love between friends and fellow man, and agape, love between family and soulmates, at least as it was explained to me. Why does one have to be necessarily more important than the others? A relationship can go "somewhere" without it involving something going in a hole. It won't just go that specific direction. But people's insistence on what is the most important thing is so strange, I find.
There's actually a very big site for asexual people, called AVEN (www.asexuality.org). It's not AS-only, but some days I relate to them more than I relate over here (no offense to anyone), regardless! Even if you don't connect with anyone, it's at least comforting to find people who also feel out of place, who have heard all these lines about "not finding the right person" and "you never know till you try" and "it's the only way to really connect with someone" and know it to be complete and total BS. Hope to see you on there. Either way, good luck, and don't let other people make you feel bad over it. |
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Birdgirl
Toucan
Joined: Dec 14, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 296
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 5:15 am Post subject: |
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Jkrane, um... I feel awkward answering that question [it is a bit personal], though I will say that I can and have done such things-- but I'm more sensual than sexual, I think? I can't really explain, though I assure you I'm not declaring myself asexual due to a lack of experience! Though of course I'm only 19, so this could change, who knows [but it's unlikely]. As I said in the first post, I can be attracted to someone romantically-- just not so much sexually. I can do sexual things, I mean I'm not repulsed by it necessarily, but.. It's always been an odd (even dissociative) experience to me. I can still enjoy myself, I mean, I love the human body, I can touch and be touched (if it's the right person and circumstances), but...argh. Like BokeKaeru said it often feels invasive, especially since I'm a very private, solitary person to begin with.
I like intimacy, I just don't feel sexual attraction towards people.. it's more of a romantic/platonic type feeling like I said. Like the way I might feel towards a friend who I was very close to and loved. Is this making sense at all?
BokeKaeru: I completely agree. And I just found AVEN yesterday actually, it's great! I registered right away. I skimmed the forum and I could relate with all of it so much.
My main rant was just that it feels like I'm not allowed to be asexual, that it's my fault or something... or that I'm not entitled to have someone. It isn't as if I haven't TRIED to be normal and forced myself into acting the part of a..sexual person/whatever. It just doesn't work for me. And I told them this, before getting involved with them. And they don't listen. They're all, "Oh, that's OK no pressure"...then proceed to grope me 5 seconds later. And then THEY get frustrated with ME, even though I warned them beforehand...
So of course I've kind of stopped trying. I'm happy alone for the most part, for now anyway.
_________________
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing. - -Shakespeare |
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jkrane
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 11, 2007
Posts: 508
Location: 39uqlksdj3ujadlskd
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 5:13 pm Post subject: |
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It will be very hard to find a guy who is really hardcore into the platonic love. Oddly enough, guys measure their self-worth against other guys to see who gets more action. Everyone used to rip on my friend, Richard, because he was in a relationship with this girl for months, and they never even kissed. He kept talking about some "emotional connection", and we were all like...WTF?
All the homies ripped on me, when I wasn't able to get my g/f (at the time) to have sex with me. Having a platonic g/f that doesn't put out makes a young man look like a pussy whipped bitch in the eyes of other young men.
It's about male pride, more than anything. I know this stuff sounds pretty sick, but it's how the masculine brain works. It's a competition. Who can get the most action?
It's the age-old story...a college boy just got laid, and all his buddies are high-fiving him and giving him a congratulatory pat on the back. He's a man. If he came out of the room and said "I had the loveliest time, we had great conversation, and such a deep emotional connection," all the homies would crack jokes, call him gay, laugh at him...etc.
Also, if the man doesn't get any action, he feels that he simply wasted his time, or he didn't do something right, and his self worth as a man plummets.
I'm not trying to be offensive, I'm just telling you the 100% male perspective. |
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