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NeantHumain
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2004
Posts: 3596
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
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 Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 1:42 pm Post subject: Desire as a Substitute for Self-Confidence |
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| Can raw desire take the place of self-confidence in the attraction of women? What I mean is that desire can appear to be self-confidence. For example, my strong desire for romance and for sex can at least temporarily cast aside any self-doubts I may have. When I approach a woman, I'm definitely not thinking about those things! Does this desire appear as self-confidence, or does it appear as something else: perhaps unmitigated lust? |
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Dracula
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 23, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 412
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 3:28 pm Post subject: |
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Only self-confidence appears as self-confidence.
Your strong desire for love, romance, can come across as "I haven't been layed in a while and I wanna get some right now!"
Express your sexuality, but don't go overboard with it. |
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pakled
"Bless his Heart"
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Age: 50
Posts: 2743
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 4:21 pm Post subject: |
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| well, having someone in love with you, and supporting you, gives you the feeling that you're stronger. But unless there's something to base all of that on, it's only temporary. |
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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 879
Location: Telos
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:56 pm Post subject: |
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| It's definitely NOT a substitute. Amongst the highly illogical BS that people have to use when it comes to dating, I've noticed that one of them is "acting like you don't care." Showing desire seems to be a complete turn-off for women. You have to display a confident, "take-or-leave it" attitude. I don't know exactly why that is, but that's what I've heard. |
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The_Cucumber
Velociraptor
Joined: May 05, 2007
Posts: 446
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 9:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Cyberman wrote: | | It's definitely NOT a substitute. Amongst the highly illogical BS that people have to use when it comes to dating, I've noticed that one of them is "acting like you don't care." Showing desire seems to be a complete turn-off for women. You have to display a confident, "take-or-leave it" attitude. I don't know exactly why that is, but that's what I've heard. |
Actually just in my limited experience in these matters I have found that nothing is an absolute. When I asked a girl to the prom I did it right in front of her best friend, which is not supposed to be done if you ask most people, and then her friend quickly convinced her to go with me and we all ended up having a great time! It's true things didn't really pan out after that, but that fact is my prom date is more shy then I am, and is going away to college soon (I'll be going to college fairly locally). Because of this it's extremely difficult (but not technically impossible, I suppose) to form a relationship in the last few months of school and a few months of summer vacation that can survive being separated for so long.
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The improbable goal: Fear nothing, hate nothing, and let nothing anger you. |
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Jainaday
in uncertain taste
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1344
Location: in the They
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 11:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Cyberman wrote: | | It's definitely NOT a substitute. Amongst the highly illogical BS that people have to use when it comes to dating, I've noticed that one of them is "acting like you don't care." Showing desire seems to be a complete turn-off for women. You have to display a confident, "take-or-leave it" attitude. I don't know exactly why that is, but that's what I've heard. |
It can be smothering when someone shows that they are a lot more interested in you than you are in them; that puts you in the position of hurting their feelings or being dishonest. Hence, "acting like you don't care"-- otherwise known as giving your potential partner enough emotional space to make decisions at a reasonable rate, without feeling pushed about them.
It also leaves room for (presumably) her to show interest, without having to worry that the combined apparent enthusiasm will take things further than she wants them to go.
That doesn't mean you should show no interest. |
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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 879
Location: Telos
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 12:08 am Post subject: |
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| Jainaday wrote: | It can be smothering when someone shows that they are a lot more interested in you than you are in them; that puts you in the position of hurting their feelings or being dishonest. Hence, "acting like you don't care"-- otherwise known as giving your potential partner enough emotional space to make decisions at a reasonable rate, without feeling pushed about them.
It also leaves room for (presumably) her to show interest, without having to worry that the combined apparent enthusiasm will take things further than she wants them to go.
That doesn't mean you should show no interest. |
That makes sense. But what is the "correct" amount of interest? |
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Jainaday
in uncertain taste
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1344
Location: in the They
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 12:19 am Post subject: |
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| Cyberman wrote: | | Jainaday wrote: | It can be smothering when someone shows that they are a lot more interested in you than you are in them; that puts you in the position of hurting their feelings or being dishonest. Hence, "acting like you don't care"-- otherwise known as giving your potential partner enough emotional space to make decisions at a reasonable rate, without feeling pushed about them.
It also leaves room for (presumably) her to show interest, without having to worry that the combined apparent enthusiasm will take things further than she wants them to go.
That doesn't mean you should show no interest. |
That makes sense. But what is the "correct" amount of interest? |
Depends on the situation. . . and on the girl.
How you show interest matters a lot too. Having mastered the art of conveying attraction and emotional space at the same time is an Extremely appealing trait in a man.
I have one friend who recently described how he was in love with this girl, but wasn't going to say so to her, because he felt it was obvious and didn't want to pressure her. Very charming to watch. |
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NeantHumain
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2004
Posts: 3596
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 9:25 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm not talking about smothering someone with attention. I'm talking about being moved to action by an almost primal force. |
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Jainaday
in uncertain taste
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1344
Location: in the They
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 2:18 am Post subject: |
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| NeantHumain wrote: | | I'm not talking about smothering someone with attention. I'm talking about being moved to action by an almost primal force. |
To me, the fact of being controlled by lust more than by the other motivations that lead people to build confidence is generally unattractive in another person. |
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smheath
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 73
Location: Snow Hill, NC
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 2:29 am Post subject: |
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| From my experience, desire is perceived as desperation. |
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Jainaday
in uncertain taste
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1344
Location: in the They
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 2:36 am Post subject: |
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| more than that--why should one be attracted to desire alone? |
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Omar
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 70
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 2:46 am Post subject: |
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desire leads you. Confidence is 'bout leading yourself. When someone gets themselves into a relationship, they generally want'n their partner to share in their experiences, aspirations, emotions and actions, and they choose this by how u act as an autonomous individual - but how can u do this when somethin else be lordn over you?
"course if you just wanna get down and dirty for the night, then its another matter |
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Rack
Raven
Joined: Feb 19, 2008
Posts: 103
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Nope, desire is the exact opposite of what you want to show. Confidence looks like apathy, desire looks like covering your body in feces. You need to show enough vague interest to imply you may be interested under certain circumstances but any more will only hurt you. |
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RogueProcess
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 22, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 162
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:38 pm Post subject: Re: Desire as a Substitute for Self-Confidence |
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| NeantHumain wrote: | | Can raw desire take the place of self-confidence in the attraction of women? |
No. |
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