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Mon
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Posts: 98
Location: Unknown
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 Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:05 am Post subject: Aspie daughter's swimming lesson |
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Any suggestions on how to deal with this one?
My 4 year old daughter had her first swimming lesson with her new teacher today. After completing 3 terms with her previous teacher she has progressed beautifully, however hates getting her face wet. In fact it starts a meltdown. Prior to the lesson starting I explained to the teacher that my daughter does not like being splashed in the face. The teacher replied enthusiastically "well not yet anyway". I didn't want to go into detail about her AS as there were other parents around.
During the lesson my daughter often swam away when things got too rowdy just to re-group. The teacher saw this as defiance, but I knew what was happening. On one occassion a boy had yelled too loudly near her, on another she just couldn't keep still for any longer.
At the end of the lesson the teacher did something which I thought was a little wrong given the information I'd given her about my daughter. She actually poured water on her head!!  Well that was it, my daughter left that game and dog paddled off on her own again only to be told to come back and join the group.
Now, what do I do, should I tell the teacher (she is very young) about my daughter's AS? I'm afraid if I don't then she may end up hating her lessons. In the previous lessons I was actually in the water with my daughter so I could guide the situation and turn her away if their was too much splashing or noise.
I was wondering if maybe private tuition may be better? |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4973
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 3:12 am Post subject: |
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And aspies are the ones who lack empathy ?....what a sadist. If she has to continue lessons with this individual let her know about your daughters issue with having a wet face. This is not an imaginary issues. I am 44 and still have this problem . Kids used to torture me because a "melt-down" seems to be very entertaining to our peers  Now I just avoid swimming around others. Tell the teacher that if she does not accommodate this sensory problem by enacting a "no splashing rule" around your daughter that you will remove her from the class and not pay the bill. Money talks even if we can't seem to teach empathy for different neurologys.
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Mon
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Posts: 98
Location: Unknown
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 6:05 am Post subject: |
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| krex wrote: | | And aspies are the ones who lack empathy ?....what a sadist. If she has to continue lessons with this individual let her know about your daughters issue with having a wet face. This is not an imaginary issues. I am 44 and still have this problem . Kids used to torture me because a "melt-down" seems to be very entertaining to our peers Now I just avoid swimming around others. Tell the teacher that if she does not accommodate this sensory problem by enacting a "no splashing rule" around your daughter that you will remove her from the class and not pay the bill. Money talks even if we can't seem to teach empathy for different neurologys. |
Yes, reading your response has really opened my eyes to the obvious. I will tell the teacher next week not to pour water on her head again, unless my daughter says she can. I also remembered that her previous teacher, whom she had for 1.5 years NEVER did this to her, she always asked first.
Also I didn't mention that after her class I spoke with the centre manager (who also happens to be my boss) about what happened, and she replied that my daughter's fear of getting her face wet will hold her back in her lessons. Shamefully I agreed with her, I wish I'd had the sense at the time to tell her that my daughter could still benefit from lessons despite her differences.
Oh well, next time. |
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n4mwd
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 08, 2008
Posts: 659
Location: Palm Beach, FL
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 6:38 am Post subject: |
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No, don't give ultimatums to the teacher. You need to call the teacher aside and explain that your daughter has AS and go into why this upsets her.
On the other hand, it IS unreasonable for your daughter to want to take swimming classes and expect not to get wet or splashed. If she is dog paddling, it means that she hasn't learned the basics of swimming yet.
YOU need to work with her on the wet problem. Get her to dunk her head under water. Have her observe the other kids as to what is the normal way to swim. I really don't think she is ready for an NT swimming class yet, but I do think that you can work with her and get her acclimated to the environment and what is expected of her. |
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Mon
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Posts: 98
Location: Unknown
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:13 am Post subject: |
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| n4mwd wrote: | No, don't give ultimatums to the teacher. You need to call the teacher aside and explain that your daughter has AS and go into why this upsets her.
On the other hand, it IS unreasonable for your daughter to want to take swimming classes and expect not to get wet or splashed. If she is dog paddling, it means that she hasn't learned the basics of swimming yet.
YOU need to work with her on the wet problem. Get her to dunk her head under water. Have her observe the other kids as to what is the normal way to swim. I really don't think she is ready for an NT swimming class yet, but I do think that you can work with her and get her acclimated to the environment and what is expected of her. |
Firstly, I didn't say that I didn't want my daughter to get wet or splashed, after all, she is in the water! My issue was the teacher pouring water over her head unexpectedly. As I said, her other teacher NEVER did this in 1.5 years, so why now?? There are better ways ESPECIALLY as I told the teacher before the class of my daughter's issue with her face getting wet. After all, she is only almost 4.
As for her not learning the basics of swimming yet (refer to your comment "If she is dog paddling she hasn't learned the basics of swimming yet"), come one, she's 4!! They don't teach freestyle or any stroke until much later, this is water familiarisation.
As for your comment "YOU need to work with her on her wet problem", mmm, let me see, why do you think I put her into swimming lessons in the first place? Also, "Have her observe the other kids as to what is the normal way to swim", I HAVE done all that.
Really, you are coming across as someone who just doesn't get it. I may be wrong, but your wording tells me otherwise.  |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2309
Location: new england
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:14 am Post subject: |
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| i agree, you need to work with your daughter on getting her face wet. ....you can start with a washcloth & then progress from there.. what about a mister setting on a spray bottle filled with water ? |
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Mon
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Posts: 98
Location: Unknown
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:17 am Post subject: |
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| n4mwd wrote: | | I really don't think she is ready for an NT swimming class yet, but I do think that you can work with her and get her acclimated to the environment and what is expected of her. |
Sorry, I forgot to reply to that bit; If she wasn't ready for NT swimming classes yet then why did she do OK in her other NT swimming classes for well over a year? Yes, I will consider the option of private tuition if problems continue, however I felt her teacher was INSENSITIVE, just as I feel your comments have been. |
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Mon
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Posts: 98
Location: Unknown
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:22 am Post subject: |
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| ster wrote: | | i agree, you need to work with your daughter on getting her face wet. ....you can start with a washcloth & then progress from there.. what about a mister setting on a spray bottle filled with water ? |
Good idea. Thanks. |
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n4mwd
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 08, 2008
Posts: 659
Location: Palm Beach, FL
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:39 am Post subject: |
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| Mon wrote: | | n4mwd wrote: | | I really don't think she is ready for an NT swimming class yet, but I do think that you can work with her and get her acclimated to the environment and what is expected of her. |
Sorry, I forgot to reply to that bit; If she wasn't ready for NT swimming classes yet then why did she do OK in her other NT swimming classes for well over a year? Yes, I will consider the option of private tuition if problems continue, however I felt her teacher was INSENSITIVE, just as I feel your comments have been. |
Well clearly it is you that have the problem and not the teacher or everyone else. You came here asking for advice and then you attack people who give you honest advice. At the rate you are going, maybe you should just institutionalize your daughter where she can live out her life without worry of getting her face wet or having to interact with other people.
Yes, the new teacher is a change and aspies hate change. Every teacher has their own style of teaching. What the teacher did would be totally acceptable when dealing with an NT child. Since you didn't bother to tell the teacher that your child as AS, then what she did was not inappropriate. Your daughter needs to learn social interaction more than anything. She needs to learn how to exist in an NT world. You are clearly not willing to to help her with that or you wouldn't attack other aspies offering advice.
I really feel sorry for your daughter, but not because of the teacher, because of you. |
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Mon
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Posts: 98
Location: Unknown
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:46 am Post subject: |
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Well clearly it is you that have the problem and not the teacher or everyone else. You came here asking for advice and then you attack people who give you honest advice. At the rate you are going, maybe you should just institutionalize your daughter where she can live out her life without worry of getting her face wet or having to interact with other people.
Yes, the new teacher is a change and aspies hate change. Every teacher has their own style of teaching. What the teacher did would be totally acceptable when dealing with an NT child. Since you didn't bother to tell the teacher that your child as AS, then what she did was not inappropriate. Your daughter needs to learn social interaction more than anything. She needs to learn how to exist in an NT world. You are clearly not willing to to help her with that or you wouldn't attack other aspies offering advice.
I really feel sorry for your daughter, but not because of the teacher, because of you.
Yes, I asked for advice. Its just that the way your advice was worded offended me. As for what you've written above, well I have no other comment. Suggesting I should institutionalize my daughter as a way of offending me is really harsh. As I said in my original post, I didn't like the way the teacher poured water over her head. No other teacher has done that to my daughter as she did today. |
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Mon
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Posts: 98
Location: Unknown
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:47 am Post subject: |
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Sorry, error above. I'm just a bit upset.
n4mwd,
Yes, I asked for advice. Its just that the way your advice was worded offended me. As for what you've written above, well I have no other comment. Suggesting I should institutionalize my daughter as a way of offending me is really harsh. As I said in my original post, I didn't like the way the teacher poured water over her head. No other teacher has done that to my daughter as she did today.[/quote] |
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n4mwd
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 08, 2008
Posts: 659
Location: Palm Beach, FL
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:03 am Post subject: |
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| Mon wrote: | Sorry, error above. I'm just a bit upset.
n4mwd,
Yes, I asked for advice. Its just that the way your advice was worded offended me. As for what you've written above, well I have no other comment. Suggesting I should institutionalize my daughter as a way of offending me is really harsh. As I said in my original post, I didn't like the way the teacher poured water over her head. No other teacher has done that to my daughter as she did today. |
I was trying to wake you up. Did it work?
Don't assume that everyone else (me, the teacher, etc) is wrong. Put your daughter first AND that does not include shielding her from the world just like an institution would. But because she is an aspie, you need to work with her to prepare her for things that are coming - including getting her face wet.
At 4, she should be doing the back stroke. I suggest that you go to the pool with her and personally give her advanced lessons so she is ready.
Today, the challenge is swimming with her face wet. A few years from now it will be something else. You need to work with her to develop skills to deal with anything that comes her way. |
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Mon
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Posts: 98
Location: Unknown
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:11 am Post subject: |
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| n4mwd wrote: | | Mon wrote: | Sorry, error above. I'm just a bit upset.
n4mwd,
Yes, I asked for advice. Its just that the way your advice was worded offended me. As for what you've written above, well I have no other comment. Suggesting I should institutionalize my daughter as a way of offending me is really harsh. As I said in my original post, I didn't like the way the teacher poured water over her head. No other teacher has done that to my daughter as she did today. |
I was trying to wake you up. Did it work?
Don't assume that everyone else (me, the teacher, etc) is wrong. Put your daughter first AND that does not include shielding her from the world just like an institution would. But because she is an aspie, you need to work with her to prepare her for things that are coming - including getting her face wet.
At 4, she should be doing the back stroke. I suggest that you go to the pool with her and personally give her advanced lessons so she is ready.
I am getting her ready for things that are coming, believe me. In fact I actually WANT her to get her face wet. I just didn't like the way the teacher went about wetting her entire head, without warning, on her first lesson, AND after I told her at the beginning of the lesson that my daughter didn't like getting her face wet.
My daughter's previous teacher would tread carefully (pardon the pun) and be more sensitive to my daughter, as she intuitively could sense that she was different. She did not know of her AS.
As for her being able to do backstroke, maybe in your country? They haven't done that here with kids that young.
Today, the challenge is swimming with her face wet. A few years from now it will be something else. You need to work with her to develop skills to deal with anything that comes her way. |
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rachel46
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 178
Location: Midwest US
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:12 am Post subject: |
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| She's 4! Unless you are training her for the next Olympics why can't she enjoy swimming? Why the push for her to get her face wet? She'll do it when she's ready. I've taken my son to swimming lessons for years and watched various kids- some kids wanted to sit at the side of the pool for several classes before they even got wet. Please remember...RELAX ! she's only 4 years old. |
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Mon
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Posts: 98
Location: Unknown
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:14 am Post subject: |
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Sorry, made same error twice.
To n4wmd,
I am getting her ready for things that are coming, believe me. In fact I actually WANT her to get her face wet. I just didn't like the way the teacher went about wetting her entire head, without warning, on her first lesson, AND after I told her at the beginning of the lesson that my daughter didn't like getting her face wet.
My daughter's previous teacher would tread carefully (pardon the pun) and be more sensitive to my daughter, as she intuitively could sense that she was different. She did not know of her AS.
As for her being able to do backstroke, maybe in your country? They haven't done that here with kids that young. |
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