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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3124
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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 Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:55 am Post subject: The "Just be yourself" lie |
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"Just be yourself" =)
Each time you go to relationship forums, dating services, watching movies or series about dating ...and you always see the magical three words : "Just be yourself"
When you talk to Mr.Expert or to Mrs.Expert in dating they just gaze you and say "Just be yourself" .
Even your friends will keep giving you the same advice: "Just be yourself" and they keep giving it to each others.
Even people with no dating experience , even homosexual people keep would telling you: "Just be yourself"
Female colleagues and acquaintances and even female friends would keep telling: "Just be yourself"
Even your family keep telling you:"Just be yourself"
And what's worse , that even here in WP you keep hearing this advice.
If you tell them that you stayed yourself for too long with no luck having a date , they will tell you:""Just be yourself and wait for the right person" --> Wow, an extended version of this J.B.Y bullshit!!
Usually the "Just be yourself" advice is mostly giving to males ....by females or by other males.
The women you meet in real life will never be honest with you enough to tell you what they seek in men , they usually have a paranoia to be seen as 'slut' by guys and even by other girls if she talks about her deep desires in public. So when you ask a girl for a dating tip they automatically give you the J.B.Y advice.
While single men keep giving your this "Just be yourself" advice because they are just clueless like you and they always hear this advice themselves so they think that it might be the right thing to do. Sometimes , the handsome/wealthy/sexy men who are in successful relationships or even successful in attracting girls would give you this J.B.Y to boost their gigantic egos and make you feel how superior they are, it is like if they are telling you "Oh it's not hard for me to attract girls, I just be mySELF". I wonder if they always stayed themselves to reach this alpha state.
An example of such man is this Diamond_Head dude from Hawaii who's trying to convince that he was just being himself to attract the girl of his life like magic and that guys in his country just be themselves and attract girls like bees to honey.
The JBY advice is delusional, if someone is having troubles in getting a date it is because he has something wrong, like a wrong physical trait or he's doing something wrong that he's not aware of it.
"Just be yourself" = Don't improve yourself/Don't change anything in yourself.
Telling "Just be yourself" to an HFA autistic like me is like = "Stay unsocial, don't practice on your verbal and non verbal skills , stay a raw autistic"
How much this would increase my chances?
Zero
Do you think that I got my job and now I might getting a better one just by sitting and just staying myself as I was???? Or it is because I studied hard and practiced and practiced and practiced on my skills???
Do you think that women follow the "Just Be yourself" philosophy? They don't ...just observe them , they keep dieting , they stay hours in doing make-up and dressing well before any date and they even learn cooking ...and they keep listening to useful advices from other girls other than that JBY crap. You never see a JBY crap as title on women's magazines for instance. Girls follow the "Improve yourself' philosophy and they are way more advanced when it comes to seductions rules while we men staying making fools of ourselves by keep following the JBY crap.
IF you having troubles in getting dates, then the real useful advice that you should follow is "IMPROVE yourself".
Last edited by LePetitPrince on Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:02 am; edited 2 times in total |
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MishLuvsHer2Boys
Proud Mom to 2 boys
Joined: Oct 09, 2004
Posts: 2109
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:57 am Post subject: |
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| I think honestly people should follow both bits of advice... you can still be yourself and improve yourself too as long as you don't go and try to do something radically that doesn't fit you... makes you feel uncomfortable and all as well. |
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shopaholic
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 01, 2007
Posts: 619
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:10 am Post subject: |
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The point of being yourself is that if you try & be someone else, eventually your mask will slip & the other person will realise you are not the person they thoguht you were.
That is why it is better to be yourself & stay single than to pretend to be someone else just to be in a "fake relationship" with someone who would not be interested in the real you. |
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Sedaka
Searching For My Catcher in the Rye
Joined: Jul 17, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 5131
Location: In the recesses of my mind
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:57 am Post subject: |
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key is to just find someone who doesnt annoy the crap out of you... after one date... after 50 yrs.
_________________
and yet i'm
still roaming these
empty streets at night
alone again only to find
there are no shelters here;
i must simply resolve
to play in the rain. |
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SIXLUCY
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 895
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 9:05 am Post subject: |
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| Arnt we all being ourselves even if we are wearing masks. Putting masks on just makes it all the more fun. |
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LiendaBalla
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 30
Posts: 682
Location: Houston Texas United States
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 9:05 am Post subject: |
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I'm with you and Mish.. 
We shouldn't try to torture ourselves and try to be someone else completly. Then again, some self-improovements are nessisary, and that process is unending. I'll admit the line "just be yourself" is very lazy advice, unhelpful, and can be an annoyance when you recieved it for too long. And yes, I've gotten the snobbish, stuck up line "Just be yourself. He'll come along someday." No he WON'T just "come along someday". We all know that it doesn't work like that.
One of the two girls that set up my younger sister for years said that, which made me angry. Basicaly I went to them and asked for help and advice, and they used "just be yourself" to ignore me. This is why I think "just be yourself" is lazy and useless. Aparently, they didn't think I was NT enough. I know my sister was. I'm so tired of people telling me "just be yourself" when they want something else out of me. Maybe they would rather play games....
_________________
Removing objects and material out of our mental perspective leaves only the thought of our souls.
Lienda Balla the EDIT QUEEN! |
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SIXLUCY
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 895
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 9:09 am Post subject: |
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When you really like someone. Then you take the masks off and stop playing. Thats the way I see it anyway.
I dont just let anyone get so close to me. |
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intense
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 10, 2008
Posts: 351
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 9:52 am Post subject: |
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I have read through this topic and I've given a lot of thought to what you said and all I can really say is just be yourself 
Seriously though if we took that advice I think the date would last all of 10 minutes, I think a more accurate thing to say would be "Just try your best to make your date feel as comfortable around you as you can"
It doesn't quite roll of the tongue as easily as JBY but it's not so full of BS.
_________________
Well here I am.......I think! |
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SIXLUCY
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 895
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:03 am Post subject: |
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| Not disagreeing with anyones advice (so sincere) but I have to admitt I like playing. That does depend on who the person is though. |
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SIXLUCY
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 895
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:07 am Post subject: |
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| Me want to be a butterfly NOT A Tufftittytitmouse |
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cyberscan
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 17, 2008
Posts: 134
Location: Near Panama, City Florida
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:47 am Post subject: |
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| SIXLUCY wrote: | | Me want to be a butterfly NOT A Tufftittytitmouse |
I think one more post will make you a Yellow Bellied woodpecker. :-\
_________________
I am AUTISTIC - Always Unique, Totally Interesting, Straight Talking, Intelligently Conversational. |
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SIXLUCY
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 895
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:03 am Post subject: |
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| Why cant I be a BUTTERFLY Why does it keep changing |
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lotusblossom
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 372
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:30 am Post subject: Re: The "Just be yourself" lie |
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| LePetitPrince wrote: | "Just be yourself" =)
Each time you go to relationship forums, dating services, watching movies or series about dating ...and you always see the magical three words : "Just be yourself"
When you talk to Mr.Expert or to Mrs.Expert in dating they just gaze you and say "Just be yourself" .
Even your friends will keep giving you the same advice: "Just be yourself" and they keep giving it to each others.
Even people with no dating experience , even homosexual people keep would telling you: "Just be yourself"
Female colleagues and acquaintances and even female friends would keep telling: "Just be yourself"
Even your family keep telling you:"Just be yourself"
And what's worse , that even here in WP you keep hearing this advice.
If you tell them that you stayed yourself for too long with no luck having a date , they will tell you:""Just be yourself and wait for the right person" --> Wow, an extended version of this J.B.Y bullshit!!
Usually the "Just be yourself" advice is mostly giving to males ....by females or by other males.
The women you meet in real life will never be honest with you enough to tell you what they seek in men , they usually have a paranoia to be seen as 'slut' by guys and even by other girls if she talks about her deep desires in public. So when you ask a girl for a dating tip they automatically give you the J.B.Y advice.
While single men keep giving your this "Just be yourself" advice because they are just clueless like you and they always hear this advice themselves so they think that it might be the right thing to do. Sometimes , the handsome/wealthy/sexy men who are in successful relationships or even successful in attracting girls would give you this J.B.Y to boost their gigantic egos and make you feel how superior they are, it is like if they are telling you "Oh it's not hard for me to attract girls, I just be mySELF". I wonder if they always stayed themselves to reach this alpha state.
An example of such man is this Diamond_Head dude from Hawaii who's trying to convince that he was just being himself to attract the girl of his life like magic and that guys in his country just be themselves and attract girls like bees to honey.
The JBY advice is delusional, if someone is having troubles in getting a date it is because he has something wrong, like a wrong physical trait or he's doing something wrong that he's not aware of it.
"Just be yourself" = Don't improve yourself/Don't change anything in yourself.
Telling "Just be yourself" to an HFA autistic like me is like = "Stay unsocial, don't practice on your verbal and non verbal skills , stay a raw autistic"
How much this would increase my chances?
Zero
Do you think that I got my job and now I might getting a better one just by sitting and just staying myself as I was???? Or it is because I studied hard and practiced and practiced and practiced on my skills???
Do you think that women follow the "Just Be yourself" philosophy? They don't ...just observe them , they keep dieting , they stay hours in doing make-up and dressing well before any date and they even learn cooking ...and they keep listening to useful advices from other girls other than that JBY crap. You never see a JBY crap as title on women's magazines for instance. Girls follow the "Improve yourself' philosophy and they are way more advanced when it comes to seductions rules while we men staying making fools of ourselves by keep following the JBY crap.
IF you having troubles in getting dates, then the real useful advice that you should follow is "IMPROVE yourself". |
even better advice than just being yourself is "genuinely like women!"
women can tell if your pretending to be nice and deep down you are bitter. Despising women is very unattractive in a man.
most men who are single on this forum appear to not like women very much and I think this is why they have trouble getting dates.
you must love women and think they are great and they will love you back  |
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Willard
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 584
Location: Confederate States of America
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:55 am Post subject: |
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I agree that Just Be Yourself is stupid advice, but only insofar as it is impossible to actually do anything else. You may pretend to be different than you are, but one's true nature will out in the end. I've known several outright con artists and even the best (worst?) can't keep up the facade forever.
Being yourself does not however preclude self-improvement. There's nothing phony about furthering your education, or honing your physical appearance through diet and exercise; if these things are important to you, then that's part of being yourself.
If whining and complaining about how nobody likes you and you're never going to find happiness anywhere because you're such a loser is being yourself, then you must realize that sort of attitude becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, in which case changing that part of yourself might be a good idea (if you really believe that, it shows through even when you're not saying it aloud), especially since IT'S NEVER TRUE.
Finally, I've said it before and I'll say it again: be careful what you wish for. Romance is only the setup for tragedy. Meeting a soulmate does not automatically mean you're going to live happily ever after. This is why to the ancients FATE and DOOM meant the same thing.
Alone? Count your blessings. At least no one's nagging you to abandon your obsessions.
_________________
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out."
- Bill Hicks |
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SIXLUCY
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 895
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:39 pm Post subject: |
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| I agree, atleast no one is hassling you but I really crave for sex and companionship. It's hard, really hard. |
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