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JAKS
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 17, 2008
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:34 am Post subject: 9yr old aspie increasing agressive behaviour |
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Hi there,
Our 9 yr old James has been diagnosed for 2 and a half years. He is becoming increasingly agressive - but refuses to accept that anything is "his fault". This year at school he has been bullied by one boy and his friends - and when he retaliated received an internal suspension. When I explained to him that physical violence was not a solution and he would be removed from the school if it continues - he just answers its not my fault they are bothering me. No amount of logic can get through to him. When he hits his little brother (NT) again its not his fault its because the little brother was making a noise. I have explained to him when he is "bothered" to go to a teacher or come and get mum or dad - but he can not seem to control his temper and lashes out instead.
Any advice would be greatfully received.
James's mum |
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amvlord12
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 17, 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:06 am Post subject: |
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Try to take your child to a yoga center, and take a course for kids.
There he can relax and be himself
My guess is that hes just confused becasue things aren't going as he planned, I remember that I was very agressive at his age (I'm 19 now). |
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Cori
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 11, 2008
Posts: 29
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:34 am Post subject: |
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| Your son sounds exactly like mine at that age. It is very important to establish a good Behavioral Intervention Plan so that he will not be suspended, etc. There needs to be a "safe place" for your son to go to in school to calm down and to discuss what occurred. This has helped my son so much. Please also have someone role play situations that way he will know how to react the next time it happens. My son still has trouble when a classmate stares at him. He gets very defensive about that and he's 13! I know exactly what you're going through. Hang in there. |
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shopaholic
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 01, 2007
Posts: 619
Location: UK
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 2:16 pm Post subject: |
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As far as he is concerned, all he is doing is the equivalent of "swatting a fly", i.e. something is irritating him so he has to lash out at it to stop it. It is as straightforward as that.
This suggests that his problem is with impulse control - he feels the urge to hit out & so he does it. This pattern seems to be becoming ingrained, so you need to deal with it asap.
You need to try & empathise with exactly how "bothered" he is by what to you must seem trivial things, and then try & come up with a more constructive way of "making them stop". |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4961
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 3:27 pm Post subject: |
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WHAT LOGIC!?!?!? I supposed if the bully was STABBING him you would STILL say DON'T FIGHT BACK!?!?!?!? RIDICULOUS! What do you think BULLY means? What do you think AS means? MAYBE you should try to look at his situation, and NOT filter it with your meaningless beliefs.
BTW Mothers NEVER seem to understand things like this. EVEN movies/series made in the 50s or earlier (Like leave it to beaver or dennis the menace) make that CLEAR! Make you should relize there IS some truth with that, and THAT is for NTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of the things about AS kids is "THEY ARE BULLIED"!!!!!
So he is fighting back! GREAT!  |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2456
Location: new england
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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| perhaps working on self-soothing techniques to use when he's agitated ?.....explaining that he *can control* his impulses - perhaps he needs help learning how. |
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t0
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 529
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| Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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| 2ukenkerl wrote: | | WHAT LOGIC!?!?!? I supposed if the bully was STABBING him you would STILL say DON'T FIGHT BACK!?!?!?!? RIDICULOUS! What do you think BULLY means? What do you think AS means? MAYBE you should try to look at his situation, and NOT filter it with your meaningless beliefs. |
So I guess your solution is to teach the younger brother to stand up to his AS brother (the new bully) and allow the fighting to go on at home. I think you should follow your own advise above (specifically the last sentence) before lecturing others about the value of their beliefs.
I agree with the "safe" spot at school. He also needs to be taught an alternative behavior at home when he's been overloaded. Establishing a safe spot at home where he can get away from the sensory overload would be a good thing. If noise is the primary issue and you don't have a totally quiet spot, I would see if he'll tolerate a set of comfortable head-phones in his safe spot. Be sure to give positive reinforcement when he does this rather than resorting to violence. |
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mysterious_misfit
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 439
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 8:52 am Post subject: |
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| Is the bully being appropriately punished by the school officials? |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 1363
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 3:18 pm Post subject: |
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| 2ukenkerl wrote: | WHAT LOGIC!?!?!? I supposed if the bully was STABBING him you would STILL say DON'T FIGHT BACK!?!?!?!? RIDICULOUS! What do you think BULLY means? What do you think AS means? MAYBE you should try to look at his situation, and NOT filter it with your meaningless beliefs.
BTW Mothers NEVER seem to understand things like this. EVEN movies/series made in the 50s or earlier (Like leave it to beaver or dennis the menace) make that CLEAR! Make you should relize there IS some truth with that, and THAT is for NTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of the things about AS kids is "THEY ARE BULLIED"!!!!!
So he is fighting back! GREAT! |
Good way to take 2 steps backwards.
Real bullies need to be dealt with, absolutely. But this child is also hitting out at a younger sibling because the child is "annoying." The problem can be this simple: a child who can't tell a real threat, from a perceived but non-existent one. And that is EXACTLY how my son can be. You can NOT allow a child like that to strike back, no matter how great it would be at the right moment, because the number of completely inappropriate moments is going to so far out-exceed that one perfect moment that the AS child ends up perceived as nothing but a violent bully with no rhyme or reason to his behavior. Great way to NEVER get anywhere you want to be in life. While my son and I may not be able to see eye to eye on the reality of any specific situation, he totally gets it that certain behavior can hold him back, he has seen that to be true, and as much as he'll grumble about how unfair life can be (yes, life IS unfair), as long as he sees a connect to something that means something to HIM, he'll work on controlling the behavior. Fortunately, he is overall a happy child, with no evidence of depression, so such an approach works.
To the original poster: I've more or less given up that my son will understand the logic in it (although I do keep trying), and am teaching him that the rules of society simply don't allow the behavior. If he wants to have the things in life that he says he wants (we're talking his goals, not mine), then he has to learn this rule. Because he cannot accurately guage the difference between situations where a little physical roughness might be OK, v. those where it is not, he is being taught zero tolerance: NEVER use your body against someone, PERIOD. If you do, you will be denied something that you want. Simple rule, simple consequence, simple logic.
SEPARATELY we work to remove my son from situations where bullying can occur. That can mean stopping the behavior from the bully, or making sure the two simply have no point of contact. We make sure there ARE no real threats in my son's life, and he is being taught to avoid them as well. Some will tell me that is unrealistic, but it WORKS. For us, at least.
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Dasha
Blue Jay
Joined: Jan 09, 2008
Posts: 89
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Have you tried rewarding him for when he doesn't do this. Ie a sticker every day and then when he gets 5 stickers he gets to pick something special to do/eat and you keep that up until he is getting 5 a week than increase the amount he needs (you might also have to increase what the prize depending on how he thinks - you don't want to think the increased amount is the result of you hating him) |
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equinn
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Posts: 652
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:29 pm Post subject: |
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Get to the bottom of the bullying at school. The bullying at home is due to what's happening to him at school.
He should not, under any circumstances, have to attend school and get bullied.
I would pay an unexpected visit, make your presence known, speak with Principal, switch his class if you have to, seating changes-there are ways to get around the bullying.
Your son is helpless at school and needs some real interventions if he is indeed being bullied.
equinn |
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