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kid020
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 24, 2008
Posts: 98
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 Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:42 pm Post subject: Aspies and abusive relationships? |
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| Do Aspie men and women tend to end up in abusive relationships? The reason I asked is I've read that in a psychology book, and I've seen examples of that on here. I'm Nt though. |
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jiggeryqua
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 25, 2007
Age: 45
Posts: 41
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 7:11 pm Post subject: |
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For myself, it's running 50/50 (two of each).
It stands to reason that Aspies, for example, will be vulnerable to abusive relationships. I'm wondering why you asked - it makes sense as a proposition, you've read it in what may well be a reliable source...so why are you asking here? |
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CRACK
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Age: 21
Posts: 768
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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As in: the aspies are the abusers? or the victims?
I can't see myself being a victim of such, because I tend to be cautious and weary of others intentions. But I could see myself becoming an abuser as a result of dealing with stress and misfortune. |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1149
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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I can't speak for everyone with an ASD but my experience is people tend to be abusive and difficult to understand. What else can you do but run from them?
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Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:09 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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tomboy4good
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 15, 2008
Posts: 429
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 7:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Almost every relationship I have been in, I have been subjected to abuse. My parents were the first, then peers, teachers, doctors, bosses, etc. There's not many places or people in which there has not been abuse. |
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-JR
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 11, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 789
Location: Somewhere in Time
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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Please don't brand me a heretic, but I think people that don't know they are aspie, or perhaps have unknown, but significant traits, can be abusive. My thinking lies in my own childhood, and friendships over the years, and observing one fact-people want CONTROL. Especially aspies, control over my life was vital to me when I didn't know about AS, I could not seem to get a handle on it tho. Without a feeling of control in place, I think the outside actions would tend to be "aggressive," perhaps manipulative, or even abusive, if that person was in such a shape and not knowing why they were that way, having it eat at them every day. That last bit is my own personal experience. I was desperate for control, and not saying any other ASD are, but I know I tried to get things to work for my favor, as things seemed to be stacked against me from the get go.
This is the reason I believe education is EXTREMELY vital. I've felt the effect of knowing who I am, and would love nothing more than to see others have the same feeling of clarity.
_________________
Still grateful.
"...do you really think you're in control...?"
Diagnosis: uncertain. |
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Mon
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Posts: 98
Location: Unknown
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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I was on the receiving end of an abusive relationship once in the romantic sense.
However I also I agree with the previous comment in that I too have encountered abuse in many places such as school, home etc. |
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SIXLUCY
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 895
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:53 pm Post subject: I |
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I feel so f**** up sometimes that the only thing that makes me REALLY happy is having total control over someone or disempowering them in someone  |
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-JR
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 11, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 789
Location: Somewhere in Time
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:58 pm Post subject: |
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Does anybody have a comment regarding my above post? I'm not suggesting ASD have any propensity towards being abusive, but that ASD may be a factor in possible abuse. In situations where aspies remain undiagnosed, and are raised in a good environment (by effort, and luck. My environment was full of effort, tho our situation wasn't fortunate), I don't think this would manifest itself so much. However, in un-dxed aspies who are raised in troubled homes (not by lack of effort, but lack of understanding, or knowledge), I think the risk is elevated. Any comments? My proposition to this is to aggressively educate and inform the general population, as understanding is the key to raising balanced kids. IMHO.
_________________
Still grateful.
"...do you really think you're in control...?"
Diagnosis: uncertain. |
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-JR
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 11, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 789
Location: Somewhere in Time
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:59 pm Post subject: Re: I |
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| SIXLUCY wrote: | | I feel so f**** up sometimes that the only thing that makes me REALLY happy is having total control over someone or disempowering them in someone |
Wow, was just posting. I think it's within our control to keep our emotions in check once we find out about AS however, it might take a bit of effort. That's why I think education is important here.
_________________
Still grateful.
"...do you really think you're in control...?"
Diagnosis: uncertain. |
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SIXLUCY
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 895
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:08 pm Post subject: I |
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Ive had to learn to take control over my emotions otherwise I would end up in prison or worse a psychiatirc prison hospital
That is why I am so depressed 
The last time I went to prison was because I got (or tried) to express how I really felt and everyday I laughed
I just couldnt stop laughing. |
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Aurore
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 07, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 892
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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| -JR wrote: | | Does anybody have a comment regarding my above post? I'm not suggesting ASD have any propensity towards being abusive, but that ASD may be a factor in possible abuse. In situations where aspies remain undiagnosed, and are raised in a good environment (by effort, and luck. My environment was full of effort, tho our situation wasn't fortunate), I don't think this would manifest itself so much. However, in un-dxed aspies who are raised in troubled homes (not by lack of effort, but lack of understanding, or knowledge), I think the risk is elevated. Any comments? My proposition to this is to aggressively educate and inform the general population, as understanding is the key to raising balanced kids. IMHO. |
I think it would possibly elevate the risk. It wouldn't be a matter of them being bad people, just having the influence of an unforgiving environment with the added issue of social problems. Could lead to unintentionally abusive relationships.
And I think you have a good proposition.
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"What a crazy random happenstance!" |
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catspurr
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2008
Posts: 781
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Don't believe statistics. They leave impressions in people's head to further this stereotyping nonsense. |
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Mon
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Posts: 98
Location: Unknown
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:30 pm Post subject: |
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| -JR wrote: | | Does anybody have a comment regarding my above post? I'm not suggesting ASD have any propensity towards being abusive, but that ASD may be a factor in possible abuse. In situations where aspies remain undiagnosed, and are raised in a good environment (by effort, and luck. My environment was full of effort, tho our situation wasn't fortunate), I don't think this would manifest itself so much. However, in un-dxed aspies who are raised in troubled homes (not by lack of effort, but lack of understanding, or knowledge), I think the risk is elevated. Any comments? My proposition to this is to aggressively educate and inform the general population, as understanding is the key to raising balanced kids. IMHO. |
Yes, I recently came across a PPT presentation on the internet given by Tony Attwood. In it he goes over how aspie's are as parents/spouses etc. In it he mentions the aspie's intolerance of noise (thus possibly shouting at their kids more than NT's for being noisy) as well as their low frustration tolerance and basic need to be alone at times. If you consider that then it could be assumed that aspie's could be abusive.
I've also recently read a book called "Alone Together". Its written by a NT who is married to someone who has AS. In that book the husband's behaviour borders on abusive - not physically, more emotionally and verbally.
Final point  my husband attends a support group for those who have AS, or have a family member with AS. I also attend a group for parents of children with AS (my daughter and I have it). Given the need for support groups, maybe aspie's can be difficult to live with at times? |
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-JR
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 11, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 789
Location: Somewhere in Time
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:02 am Post subject: |
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Wow, thanks! I was hoping for some comment on this, as it has weighed heavily on my mind-how would I parent were I not "aware." Realizing some of the aspie traits are difficult in terms of parenting, I think Attwood hit the nail on the head there. Exactly what I was thinking. I know for me, without information, I would most likely have remained in some sort of depressed state, and with my annoyance at my parents as a child, I think as an adult with power over a child I could have gotten out of hand. These are possibilities I prefer NOT to think about, but things that NEED to be considered. I'm pretty impressed that a supposed "NT" such as Attwood recognizes and directly addresses these issues, I hope he gets much support from the AS community for his efforts. Thanks again for posting that Mon, it gives me hope, inspiration, and peace of mind. There ARE people making it their mission to improve human understanding in the dark areas that have been neglected in the past.
_________________
Still grateful.
"...do you really think you're in control...?"
Diagnosis: uncertain. |
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