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RustyShackleford
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 417
Location: Nottingham UK
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 Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:37 pm Post subject: Can you mask how you really feel? |
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...Or is your heart constantly on your sleeve?
There is only one me for everyone so to speak. I am careful with who I choose as friends because I am completely candid and honest with the people I am close to. I can't be any other way because I forget who knows what and end up in embarrassing situations.
I have no qualms telling people about my problems etc, probably because there is little emotional investment when people tell me theirs. I completely forget that other people actually WORRY about my problems long after I have become distracted by something else. I have begun to feel bad about burdening others after this realisation.
If I am not happy I have real difficulty masking my true feelings for the sake of others so I tend to only seek the company of others if I am actually happy.
Has anyone mastered the 'public face' routine?
Are you an open book with regards to controlling your facial expression?
Are these even Aspie traits I am describing? |
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-JR
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 11, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 928
Location: Somewhere in Time
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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Eh, my problem isn't masking emotion, or having it on my sleeve. Mine is simply having that emotion at the right time. I won't cry at a funeral, but if I'm sitting in bed thinking about that person, I will start crying. I don't know why that is, but it feels strange and I'm sure I am able to use this to my advantage in some way. Same happens with laughter, I do NOT get jokes. Unless there's a similar one that I've heardg before, then I'll laugh heartily (and still have to fake that...) I felt pretty bad about having to do these things growing up, never felt honest with myself, but as it's a trait in AS, I find it's normal in me, and I can live with it. I'll laugh if it's funny to me, but if not, I won't even if the entire place is on the floor, I'll keep my integrity. Good thing about finding out about AS, I feel free to act the way I normally act, and have chance to improve my negative traits without bad feelings to my ego.
_________________
Still grateful.
"...do you really think you're in control...?"
Diagnosis: uncertain. |
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RustyShackleford
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 417
Location: Nottingham UK
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:23 pm Post subject: |
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| -JR wrote: | | ...I won't cry at a funeral, but if I'm sitting in bed thinking about that person, I will start crying... |
I get this too. To some people I come across as completely insensitive but those who are close to me know I a ridiculously sensitive but react at weird times.
| -JR wrote: | | Same happens with laughter, I do NOT get jokes. Unless there's a similar one that I've heardg before, then I'll laugh heartily (and still have to fake that...) |
Also the same here. In movie theaters I am usually the one laughing at the bits that aren't supposed to be funny when everyone else is in silence. There are many things I find absolutely hilarious, it's just that my sense of humour seems to be a bit different to most people's.
I tend to laugh when something is illogical and I sometimes find myself noticing jokes being set up before the point where the laugh is intended spoiling it for everyone else by laughing too early. Mostly however I tend to laugh way too late as it takes me longer to process why something is funny. |
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ducasse
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 10, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 704
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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I've never been able (no matter how I might try) to effectively lie, but at the same time I used to think I was able to mask my emotions. Now I 'm realising I can't & that my tendency in situations where I don't want to say things or reveal things to friends, is to just clam up or avoid them.
Actually, as I'm writing it occurs to me that it would be more accurate to say I can't choose to mask my emotions, but that I can often (apparently) be completely inscrutable, without even knowing it.
& I have the delayed reaction thing that JR mentions. Someone can say something horrible to me that really hurts me, but I might remain pleasant & unconcerned for the duration of the conversation, & only realise, or work out, afterwards that I'm hurt or angry.
- So... No, I can't deliberately mask my emotions, & No, my heart is not constantly on my sleeve. |
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Belfast
Vast Ambivalence
Joined: Jul 18, 2005
Age: 35
Posts: 1717
Location: New England
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:35 pm Post subject: Re: Can you mask how you really feel? |
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| RustyShackleford wrote: | ...Or is your heart constantly on your sleeve?
There is only one me for everyone so to speak. I am careful with who I choose as friends because I am completely candid and honest with the people I am close to. I can't be any other way because I forget who knows what and end up in embarrassing situations.
I have no qualms telling people about my problems etc, probably because there is little emotional investment when people tell me theirs. |
Heart on sleeve, am same person regardless of with whom I'm dealing (can't bear deceitful persons in my life) and am-according to other people-abnormally "open" (in revealing & articulating my problems & distress), in contrast to majority who hide/deny their own "stuff".
| RustyShackleford wrote: | | Has anyone mastered the 'public face' routine? |
No. Being out in public is still terrifying & I feel transparent, fragile, and exposed-yet cannot see through other people.
| RustyShackleford wrote: | | Are you an open book with regards to controlling your facial expression? |
Yes & no-I display my emotions on face (and with hands), but what they convey to others (how accurate the externally interpreted fidelity is to what I'm truly feeling) is uncertain.
| RustyShackleford wrote: | | Are these even Aspie traits I am describing? |
Probably, but that doesn't exclude reality of exceptions (as is case for most guidelines/criteria).
_________________
*"You cannot administer a wicked law impartially-it destroys everyone it touches, its violators as well as its upholders."* |
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ducasse
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 10, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 704
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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| The illogical & the absurd are funny. Wordplay is funny. Jokes that don't depend on these (i.e. most jokes) are not funny. |
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-JR
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 11, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 928
Location: Somewhere in Time
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:44 pm Post subject: |
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Rusty, I totally agree with that last part. One of the things I cannot stand is how long it takes to orchestrate a joke in the first place, and then bam out with the puchline or whatever... You gotta theory there, maybe this explains why I don't laugh-in trying to figure out what's going on, sometimes the "joke" is lost because the element of surprise is ruined. We think about it. You can't "think" to get a joke. Thinking, and then understanding, and then finding out there is no humor cos it's already processed in the brain. I guess it's like a magic trick, if you watch real close, you can see what the magician is doing, and when the "grand finale" arrives, there's nothing to it.
These have to do with "punch line" jokes tho, stuff like a comment made jokingly I sometimes truly cannot tell if it was a joke or insult (as said in another thread.)
Sarcasm, sometimes I'll take that as a compliment!  And the reverse is true as well, compliments are usually taken with a bit of thought, as I can't instantly tell if it's sincere or not.
These things are "limitations," but have to do with perception. I'll take the trade off where I can, I've got good perception at times, (and extremely terrible at other times...) I'd like to consider some traits as strengths with "side effects," cos every weakness I've come across can be linked to a strength, and if we build the strength, and can keep the "side effects" in check, we'll be alright.
_________________
Still grateful.
"...do you really think you're in control...?"
Diagnosis: uncertain. |
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Beenthere
10 Miles South of Sanity
Joined: Dec 30, 2005
Age: 41
Posts: 2136
Location: Pa.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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Over the years I've unfortunately learned that some people thrive on making other people upset or seeing them unhappy.
I've become pretty good at maintaining the mask when I need to.
_________________
*Normal* is just a setting on the dryer. |
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Josie
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 26, 2008
Posts: 560
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:10 am Post subject: |
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I mask my feelings alot. There are only a few people who know how I feel.
I don't like sharing my feelings much.
I don't often care... these days. |
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-JR
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 11, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 928
Location: Somewhere in Time
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:10 am Post subject: |
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Does anybody else find the best jokes are the "hidden" ones? Even things that aren't jokes, but are "hidden" and found are enjoyable for me. One example is the Dean Koontz poetry book, every illustration has a small mouse on the page somewhere, just something I like about a "hidden" meaning. I've found many, if not the vast majority of heavy metal songs have a hidden deeper meaning, the facade of "machismo" is merely a covering for an expression of how the musician/singer/lyricist feels about a current situation. Example being Geoff Tate's lyrics, from Queen of the Ryche LP to Promised Land (haven't dug their newer stuff) there is a hidden darkness, despair, hope, in EVERY song. The real art is in "masking" the emotion there, but still having it intact enough to be observed by those paying attention. Check out QR lyrics guys, I dare ya. Deep stuff in them thar words. 
_________________
Still grateful.
"...do you really think you're in control...?"
Diagnosis: uncertain. |
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marshall
Under the whirlwind
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 1514
Location: North West United States
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:21 am Post subject: |
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| I can't hide my feelings well and I don't like to. Especially when it comes to frustration and anger. Trying to hold in my feelings just makes them build in a pressure cooker. |
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-JR
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 11, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 928
Location: Somewhere in Time
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:31 am Post subject: |
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^^^THAT is perhaps my most embarrassing trait. I've cried in front of my boss for stupid reasons twice before. When a junior in HS, I was transferred to continuation school for endless f-ckups, and there I cried. Sat in the office for a good 20 minutes, walked around campus till the next period. Pure Hell. You would NOT believe it if you saw me in real life either, because I'm a stony faced caveman lookin' dude, but yes-I dread this feeling. So on the opposite end of the line in terms of emotion, I wish things were spread out evenly, but they ain't. The pressure cooker analogy is too correct here, because it feels like it comes from nowhere, and I hold it, and then it's like the lid gets shifted and it all pours out...
_________________
Still grateful.
"...do you really think you're in control...?"
Diagnosis: uncertain. |
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Danielismyname
I'm not a monster
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 6057
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 2:11 am Post subject: |
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| Yeah, I wear a mask of "Autism"; I don't have a choice in the matter, however. |
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Bradleigh
Shadow Leopard
Joined: May 26, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 4349
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 3:19 am Post subject: |
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yeah I wear a mask, I often have gotten a bit emotional about something like remembering soldiers lost in battle (ANZAC day) or even sometimes watching certain movies, such as E.T., I try to not pay much attention to the movie E.T. for that reason. Also I have found that people often pick on you if you show your emotions, guys are often critisisced a lot of people say that men have to show or have no emotion. If I see someone is having a hard time with crying about something I find it hard to no cry either, the stratagie I have found works best is to bite the bottom lip and try to think about funny or things like vampires and other tough stuff. I saw this girl who organised something and the money was out so she was having a meltdown, I found it hard to resist to not try to act emotional or something. Even we aspies are told we have no emotion, but sometimes I feel more emotion then a normal person.
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They're sinking cities with a GIANT WOOOOORM!!!!
7th virtue: Humility |
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SIXLUCY
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 895
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 3:22 am Post subject: I |
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I am an expert at wearing a mask until...
some emotions you just cant hide |
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