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arkityp
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 19, 2008
Posts: 48
Location: Toronto
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 Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:57 pm Post subject: new here |
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i have been lurking for a few weeks trying to sort out everything that is in my head and reading your experiences.
i was recently diagnosed with AS after 17 years in/out of psychiatric care. from hospitalization, to medication, to therapy... i've been through it all. as many of you who have been through this as well, nothing seemed to work.
i am still very confused as to why it's easier to slap someone with a mood disorder than to check out the behavioral patterns of the individual. i think this has something to do with the economy's pharmaceutical dependence.
my question to you late-diagnosed AS members is: do you find it difficult to let go of anger related to being misunderstood for your entire life?
my family didn't know what was wrong with me and therefore never took me to a developmental therapist when i was a child. it only took my recent courage to finally seek other means after waking up every day, confused and wondering why i couldn't fit in, relate or see the "big picture".
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i would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
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asplanet
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 11, 2007
Posts: 1609
Location: Cyberspace, New Zealand
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 5:24 pm Post subject: |
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Hi arkityp welcome and an extra hug...
I know only too well how hard it can be at first, some of us truly grieve for what could of been. I was diagnosed myself in my late 40s last year, as much as it was a revelation it was also very painful and I am still coming to terms with so many misunderstood moments. But now I have found who I am wouldn't have it any other way, one thing that has helped me is the realization that there are so many of us diagnosed late in life, wrongly diagnosed, institutionalize etc...
I call it damaged from birth, never being allowed to be who we truly are, if I had a NT baby and treated them like a aspie there would be an outcry.... but we all need to remember Aspergers was not around when we were younger, the official criteria has only been around since 1994, so new to everyone, hence lacking good professionals who understand and so many of us being wrongly diagnosed.
I can truly say I am no longer angry, very proud and happy to of found who I am at last, but it takes time and even though I have excepted myself, doesnot mean society in general has - working on that 
Part of my journey may help you:
Making Sense:
Making Sense - http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=83&Itemid=129
Also you may find this of interest "Do Not Drug Us - Understand Us" as I have learned our symptoms are in fact a part of who we are, its understanding that really makes the difference:
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=61&Itemid=105
Recent Wrongplanet post, you may also find interesting:
BIPOLAR quiz - mood swings, anxiety.....
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt71408.html
If you need to speak to someone, if I am not here can contact via website below anytime.
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"Believe in your self, we are who we are - as it can feel like an endless task trying to be someone else!" Alyson Bradley ... Aspergers Parallel Planet web site - http://asplanet.info/index.php
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cantjoinem
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Age: 35
Posts: 15
Location: California
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 5:57 pm Post subject: Re: new here |
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| arkityp wrote: | | my question to you late-diagnosed AS members is: do you find it difficult to let go of anger related to being misunderstood for your entire life? |
YES.
I was diagnosed eight years ago and still tend to get angry about my earlier years. I'm angry with my mother for her constant criticism and complete lack of concern while I was growing up. I'm angry about all the cruel comments that made me truly believe that somehow I'm to blame for not being just like everyone else, and for all of the lost time that I spent unsuccessfully trying to be. I'm angry that I couldn't escape my adolescence with any sense of self-worth. I'm angry that I am still learning things about society that I could have learned decades ago if only someone had taken the time to point them out me. I'm angry that I struggle so with relationships now due to thirty-plus years of failed attempt after failed attempt, never knowing what I was doing wrong. What if someone paid attention earlier so I could have gotten the guidance I needed? Everything would be different. Everything.
I do understand that it doesn't help to be angry. I'm only making myself feel terrible about things I can't change. But it's hard not to feel hurt. It's impossible to get past the opportunities and relationships and TIME lost because people "just don't understand" me. Or because I just didn't understand me. But none of that will change whether I'm angry or not. Just have to move forward, I guess.
I'm new to WP too, and I'm glad you're here.
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can't beat 'em, can't join 'em... now what?
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Chaotica
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 29, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 466
Location: Hyperborea, buried under the ice and snow
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:01 pm Post subject: |
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Hello!
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4972
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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I was angry for years but I went through some weird conversion in my early 30's where I just let go of most of it. I don't "feel" it to the level of the past, though I don't know exactly why. I still recall it but I no longer feel it to the same level. Learning about AS actually helped a lot because I realized that my mom (knowing nothing about AS) was really just trying to make me NT to "help me" be more successful. She may have gone about it in some messed up ways but I don't think most of her attempts were intentional sadism...just felt like it . It's actually made it easier for me to forgive some of the things she did and said even though they were hurtful at the time. What is harder to "get over" as that she will not admit to my being AS now, even after a DX. It's just to hard for her to reframe how she perceives me...selfish, lazy and crazy. It has helped that she has stopped trying to change me...she gave up on that, so we can share the same space for short periods of time.
I do have some resentments towards past therapist who seemed completely unaware that my issues could be neurological instead of psychological...but, in general, people in this field are not very "bright" and brainwashed by their own training and life experiences.
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arkityp
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 19, 2008
Posts: 48
Location: Toronto
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 7:03 pm Post subject: |
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everything you wrote in making sense really echoes what's been in my head all my life. thank you for writing it.
_________________
i would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
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http://arkityp.net |
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asplanet
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 11, 2007
Posts: 1609
Location: Cyberspace, New Zealand
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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| arkityp wrote: | | everything you wrote in making sense really echoes what's been in my head all my life. thank you for writing it. |
Its taken me a year to understand and I am still learning so give yourself time....
_________________
"Believe in your self, we are who we are - as it can feel like an endless task trying to be someone else!" Alyson Bradley ... Aspergers Parallel Planet web site - http://asplanet.info/index.php
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JerryHatake
Kumdo Practitioner
Joined: Jul 02, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 8437
Location: Woodbridge, VA
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:10 pm Post subject: |
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Nice to meet you, arkityp.  
_________________
Jerry
"No one is the same you can't compare yourself to other people because everyone is different" - Michelle
"Everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard that is to believe sometimes, it is so true!" - Michelle
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Tim_Tex
Bender in Human Form
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 18690
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:16 pm Post subject: |
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Welcome to WP!
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When you need something, that's a responsibility, that only an adult...of my maturity...Bunnies!!!
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pakled
"Bless his Heart"
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Age: 50
Posts: 2547
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 11:31 pm Post subject: |
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self-diagnosed here; but it's the simplest explanation that fits all the facts. I'm not as angry (maybe at myself, which is illogical), but actually was more relieved that I wasn't different from everyone else.
Everyone just thought I was weird and shy, and made fun of me. I turned it around and became the weird shy guy with a strange sense of humor. But at least it made the 'random' things I'd come off with look like a joke. Everyone finds ways to fit in.
Welcome to the planet. Please have 2 forms of ID and your passport available... |
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