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nirrti_rachelle
Go Tigers!
Joined: Jul 22, 2005
Age: 33
Posts: 1154
Location: The Dirty South
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 Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 8:32 am Post subject: |
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Oh Lord. 
I knew nothing good could come of this when I saw "wallow in self pity" in the thread's title. Seems like when anyone wants to legitimize their hurting someone else emotionally, the "wallow-in-self-pity" accusation guilt trips the offended party into thinking he's in the wrong while the offender comes off as the good guy.
That's what it seems like this troll here is doing, making blatent, uncalled for insults on people's character, then doing the "Abracadabra! Quit wallowing in self-pity" Jedi mind trick to make it like he's only "trying to help", athough he's the one who needs to get a life if all he can think of doing for fun is pissing off a bunch of strangers on a message board.
Oh, by the way, garden Tool? Go ahead and tell the folks on the breast cancer support site they need to "quit their whining". In fact, visit the depression, schizophrenia, OCD, cerebral palsey, Down's Syndrome and Bi-Polar Disorder websites and tell them the same thing.
Oh? You think that would be an insensitive thing to do? So why do that here, then? Or did you have the impression no one was going to jump on your tail for doing so since we're "just a bunch of geeks"?.........Yep, thought so. 
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"There is difference and there is power. And who holds the power decides the meaning of the difference." --June Jordan |
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iamlucille
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 12, 2004
Posts: 648
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 11:01 am Post subject: |
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hmm, I kinda did that myself actually. I have more friends than I ever have had in the past. I took lots of classes on coordination, speech and social skills when I was little. Now people honestly don't believe I'm an aspie, but I can see the little differences in myself. Like I'm comparably more social, I have a possibility of being Hockey Captain next year, and I'm seen as somewhat of an inspiration to my friends. Acting also helps too! It really brings you out of your comfort level and it helps expand it. Plus, when you're hanging out with such extroverts, why not be one too?
I still feel like an aspie, like it's me against the world, and sometimes I'd rather stay home and do nothing than go out. But when an opportunity comes, I take it, even if I really don't want to. I always feel so much better when I do!
I mean, you can stay at home and play video games and whatnot, if that's what makes you happy. It's still a life, you see! As for me, I love to be social, but I have trouble with it. I'm a naturally social person, yet I'm an aspie, so it's like those two forces inside of me are always fighting.
Just do whatever makes you feel good. That's just the way I see it. If you see yourself as a total failure because you're like this, then change it. If you're miserable, then you should have the power to change that. If you're happy the way you are, then I don't see why the hell you're complaining.
Just my take. |
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Who_Am_I
Caffeine-Powered Human-Type Thing
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 3150
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 12:26 am Post subject: |
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| nirrti_rachelle wrote: | Oh Lord.
I knew nothing good could come of this when I saw "wallow in self pity" in the thread's title. Seems like when anyone wants to legitimize their hurting someone else emotionally, the "wallow-in-self-pity" accusation guilt trips the offended party into thinking he's in the wrong while the offender comes off as the good guy.
That's what it seems like this troll here is doing, making blatent, uncalled for insults on people's character, then doing the "Abracadabra! Quit wallowing in self-pity" Jedi mind trick to make it like he's only "trying to help", athough he's the one who needs to get a life if all he can think of doing for fun is pissing off a bunch of strangers on a message board.
Oh, by the way, garden Tool? Go ahead and tell the folks on the breast cancer support site they need to "quit their whining". In fact, visit the depression, schizophrenia, OCD, cerebral palsey, Down's Syndrome and Bi-Polar Disorder websites and tell them the same thing.
Oh? You think that would be an insensitive thing to do? So why do that here, then? Or did you have the impression no one was going to jump on your tail for doing so since we're "just a bunch of geeks"?.........Yep, thought so. |
*Applauds*
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*expletive* the normal world.
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hale_bopp
Ruffle some Feathers
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 23
Posts: 6050
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 1:13 am Post subject: |
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| I agree that basing your problems/achievements on the whole AS community, then critisising them for not being upto your standards is a pretty pathetic thing to do. Get a life, totally. |
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iamlucille
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 12, 2004
Posts: 648
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| Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 11:03 am Post subject: |
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| i can see what you're saying (only for me and for my own personal experience) but please, don't be so harsh about it... how would you feel if someone told you that your life is meaningless? |
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mikibacsi1124
Phoenix
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Joined: Aug 27, 2005
Age: 23
Posts: 656
Location: New Brunswick, NJ, USA
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| Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 12:43 am Post subject: Re: Ask me about not wallowing in self pity. |
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I know I'm probably not adding anything new to this thread, but here goes...
| Tool wrote: | The first two years of high school for me were horrible, lonely, agonized years where I had no direction or any hope for a future. At lunch I'd sit against a wall until it was over. I'd go home and play video games or go on the internet. It was terrible. I was terrible.
Then I snapped out of it. Now I have tons of friends and a direction for the course of my life. But first I had to snap out of this victim mentality.
The very name of this website implies a sort of "Oh poor me" feeling that is just sickening. Wrong Planet? Oh it's just not fair! Why was I born this way? I'll just have to console myself with the thought that it's completely out of my hands as I sit alone, generally miserable but knowing it's not my fault! Am I right? |
No, you're not right. All that the name of this site implies is that we Aspies have a different way of thinking and a different view of the world than NTs. And no, that way of thinking is not an inferiority complex.
| Quote: | | What is wrong with you people? Are you gonna let this mental disorder define your entire life? Is it who you are? Are you destined to be a social outcast because of bad genetics, or mercury in your flu shots, or whatever unknown pathology causes these supposedly related pyschological symptoms. |
Nothing's wrong with us - or at least there's not one common "wrong" thing with all of us. It's not a mental disorder - just a different way of thinking, like I said. And while AS might not define my whole life per se, it is a big part of who I am - of what makes me stand out. And I mean stand out in a good way.
| Quote: | | Or are you going to put yourself around people, make friends, learn signals, force yourself to make eye contact, and all that happy horseshit? This 'condition' seems like it's giving all you people an excuse to be miserable and wallow in self pity because you were 'born this way'. |
Why should we force ourselves to act a certain way just because it's "normal"? I don't know about you, but I certainly don't think that's what happiness is all about. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that that it isn't good to try and adjust so that you can get along with people and have a successful career, but you seem to be suggesting that we change who we are, and conform completely to what society expects of us.
| Quote: | | Everyone has some disadvantage, you don't need to obsess over it all the time. Take charge and stop thinking of yourself as some helpless loser who can never change. |
It's not a matter or whether I can change - it's a matter of whether I want to or not. There are certain things about me that I feel like I can improve on, and I am making an effort to work on those things. On the other hand, there are things that people may not like about me, but I feel there is nothing wrong with them. And being an aspie may have its disadvantages, but it also has advantages.
| Quote: | | I came here when I heard of William Fruend posting on the Something Awful forums. Even in my darkest, loneliest days it never occured to me to wallow in self with a bunch of socially awkward geeks just like me in some communal reinforcement circle jerk forum. |
Oh, so you're putting yourself on a pedestal above us just because you've conformed to what society expects? Gimme a break. If anything, you should be ashamed of yourself for sacrificing your individuality just so you can be popular.
| Quote: | | And may the great garfield not strike my message of hope from these forums like so many shattered puckins. |
Um, what? |
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Ceej
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 02, 2005
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 8:50 am Post subject: |
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I'll be honest here, I've spent a good deal of years watching other people so I could be like everybody else... and while now nobody can tell that there's anything different because now I AM like them (on the outside at least) I do feel that I've lost a bit of who I am because of it.
Moral- Go your own way if you want to be your own person. |
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mini
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 16, 2005
Posts: 30
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| Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 9:24 am Post subject: |
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new person here
I have spent my whole, entire life (up to and including today) trying to be normal and fit in and guess what - it never works. Sure, I have learned enough to get by, but by and large the reason I get by is by hiding away from the society most of the time so they cannot see just how not normal I am.
| Quote: | | Everyone has some disadvantage, you don't need to obsess over it all the time. Take charge and stop thinking of yourself as some helpless loser who can never change. |
This is the only thing I ever heard in my life (I never heard of aspergers until recently)And I definitely did try to change. And I couldn't. I have worn myself out thin and suffered huge distress because I kept trying to change in the ways I couldn't. There comes a time when you realise that it is entirely pointless to keep trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. There is nothing self pitying about recognising where your limits are.
The only problem is wanting to find a way out of confusion and not knowing how to. Coping skills are not easy to come by even if someone puts themunder your nose. For example, I am sure the person who said the above (in quotes) has been told more than once to change and stop being a jerk but I am equally sure that this sage advice has not taken hold.
There. Rant over. Until next time. |
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AbominableSnoCone
Cybernetic Vampiric Werewolf Ninja
Joined: Jun 16, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 1670
Location: Jersey
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 7:22 am Post subject: |
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Sorry we don't meet up with your standard of perfection, Tool. We don't all wallow in self-pity as you say but there are times when life seems an uphill climb with caltrops at every turn. If you were so miserable at high school then I don't understand how you can be so mean to people who are still struggling with low self-esteem.
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Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon
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