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Aalto
Velociraptor
Joined: May 04, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 404
Location: W. Yorks, UK
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 Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 10:57 pm Post subject: Avoiding people approaching you for money in public. |
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This happens a lot round here, at least with me, a 5'5 teenager, usually not walking around with someone intimidating.
More and more people are approaching me asking for money. It's usually something like "I've got stuck in this town and desperately need to get home for tonight. Please lend me money," though in a far less articulate manner, in which they then go on to say that they're not "shitting me", and are not a junkie. I actually, about 6 weeks ago, fell for one in which two people approached me at about 5:45pm asking for 90p to get home. I made the big mistake to say that I'm in a hurry, etc, whilst they told me their story: been in jail overnight, now stuck in a foreign town, stabbed in the eye (one of them points up to below his eye, where there's a scar, but I admit it must've happened there quite a while ago), wanted a bit of money. I submitted and said OK to them, telling them to stay out of trouble in the future.
They then go "Can I have this 2 pounds 40 now?" to which I point out that the money's suddenly risen, but for the tenth time they go "But you promised! C'mon, please!" so I quickly go into some takeaway and ask for change from a fiver, give them the money and walk off into the station. I look back and see that them and some others are laughing at me, and spend the rest of the day feeling very pissed off.
I went to the same town that Saturday, and in all his audacity the SAME person was there, asking me and the friend I had with me for some money. My friend whispered "Ignore him," or "Just move on," to me impatiently, and we did without hassle.
How should I deal with future related issues? |
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Kauf039
Toucan
Joined: May 17, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 255
Location: ON, Canada
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| Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 11:43 pm Post subject: |
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Usually not looking at them and just continuing walking works. Else you can try the "*shrug* sry, no money" approach. (In which you don't actually say anything, just kinda shrug and raise your hands upwards...) Hey, it works for me  Just make sure not to stop.
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Humm, guess I should put something witty here, huh? |
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KaliMa
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 09, 2007
Age: 47
Posts: 466
Location: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 12:29 am Post subject: |
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I agree with your friend and Kauf039, just keep walking and don't look up when they speak. Sometimes I say "sorry, I don't have any money to spare". I also sometimes wear a headset while I walk so I don't feel like I seem rude for ignoring them (without any music on, so that if someone tries to jump me from behind I may be able to hear them coming). Sometimes I wear an old walkman or a cheap radio where they can see it & plug the headset into that (never have your mp3 where they can see it, people around here occasionally mug people for those).
It's really hard to not help someone who seems badly down-on-their-luck, but I try to remember that a lot of them use the money for dope or booze. My "helping" them might pay for the fix that kills them.
Don't be pissed at yourself, though. Many of these people spend all day figuring out how to con soft-hearted people out of their money. Everybody gets fooled once in a while. |
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Asterisp
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 16, 2007
Posts: 379
Location: Netherlands
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 12:43 am Post subject: |
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In one of the cities I visit regularly there is this person who asks money for the train to the neighboring town. But will all the money he gets, he could get a plane to another country!
So, ignoring them or thanking them politely for the offer helps. |
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Linebeck
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 03, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 67
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:11 am Post subject: |
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| I walk around them. If they follow you, just walk faster. Don't say anything and just ignore them. They're used to it all the time so don't give in to their demands. You are under no obligation to offer them money. |
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PilotPirx
Deinonychus
Joined: May 09, 2008
Age: 38
Posts: 300
Location: Amsterdam, NL
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:51 am Post subject: |
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Just a clear NO. In a voice that makes sure, you won't discuss the matter.
Beneath the fact that I do not really care what their problems are, we have a quite
large and expensive social security system here in Europe. So I don't need to worry
if the guy drops dead by starvation. If he needs food or shelter, he can ask some street
worker or the Salvation Army.
What I hate especially about them, is that they break into my private sphere much more
than other NTs. Starting that "It's hard living on the street" scrap and telling you their
whole live (true or a lot of made up stories, who knows?). I stop that by ignoring them
or using a MP3, actually putting it on my ears, if they don't go away, I really don't mind
what they think about it.
_________________
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before (E.A.Poe)
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donkey
we have met the enemy, he is us.
Joined: May 22, 2006
Age: 37
Posts: 1478
Location: ireland
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:07 am Post subject: |
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the cruelest trick they can play on you is to thank you gratuitously for ignoring them, "ok thanks anyway, have a nice day"
this is a final pull at your sense of decency, it worked on me once, only once.
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a great civilisation cannot be conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within- W. Durant |
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 51
Posts: 2904
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:50 am Post subject: |
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I think the verbal trick you missed was when they changed their demands, you agreed to something, then even though they changed to a higher demand you still felt obliged to stick to an agreement, as though it was still current. You don't need to stick to an agreement when it changes.
Also, remember it's ok to change your mind, the agreement had changed, so therefore it's ok for you to change your mind. NTs do it all the time.
They're professional beggars, so they're practiced at what they do, you need to practice ignoring them and their sob stories, no matter how convincing. |
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RustyShackleford
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 417
Location: Nottingham UK
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:59 am Post subject: |
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| They are used to being treated like crap and this is the only approach that works in my experience. The moment you show even the slightest interest or emotional response they have got you. You do not need to be out and out rude to begin with. Ignoring and pretending they aren't there is harsh but it works. I am not above telling the more persistent ones to f off but this approach can anger them and make you more of a target. |
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kip
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 14, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 752
Location: Las Vegas NV USA
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:06 am Post subject: |
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I see them all the time because I live about 3 blocks from the homeless shelter. So maybe they are homeless... so what? I don't give them change, I give them directions to the shelter 3 blocks down the main drag, or the salvation army a block away. The one that makes me laugh though is the dude who rolls his sock down and walks with a crutch. First off, he's always using the crutch on the wrong leg, and second, he's always switching feet. And people still fall for it!
_________________
The two loudest sounds in the world are a click when you should hear a bang, and a bang when you should hear a click.
You can purchase anything off the Internet except common sense.
LEAVE ME ALONE!!! Argh!!! -- Brought to you by NaNoWriMo brain |
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Unbeliever
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 10, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 92
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:22 am Post subject: |
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Just walk on and mumble 'no, sorry'. I wouldn't even say that you have no change, because I wouldn't give them any anyway.
If you have a spare pie or drink (having come from the shops) maybe give them that. That way you can help, but you don't have to get your wallet out.
I don't really mind those that sit by the wall with a dog and an old hat for people to drop money into, it's the one's that follow you or try and shake your hand (and hold on tight when they do) that piss me off.
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"Rules are made for the obedience of fools and the guidence of wise men"
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MrMark
Abstract Data Type
Joined: Jul 04, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 9795
Location: Tallahassee, FL
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:21 am Post subject: |
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Don't have this problem anymore as I don't walk city streets. I also don't carry cash.
I used to say, "Well, com'on, walk with me! Don't take my time and my money too!... Okay, so tell me a good story...."
"I guess that's story's worth a dollar...."
and he says, "I really need two...."
"Well I'll carry you part way, but I won't carry you all the way. You'll find somebody to carry you the rest of the way, I'm sure."
_________________
"Keep walking, though there's no place to get to. Don't try to see through the distances. That's not for human beings. Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move."
- Rumi (Translated by Coleman Barks) |
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Aalto
Velociraptor
Joined: May 04, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 404
Location: W. Yorks, UK
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:26 am Post subject: |
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| Cheers, all. |
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DNForrest
Toucan
Joined: Jan 19, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 278
Location: Oregon
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:05 am Post subject: |
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| The absolute best defense I've found to work against these folks is to look slightly alarmed at something they can't see while arguing with yourself. If you mumble something about kidneys or a spleen, all the better (it may make you look crazy, but that's the point). This also works great against those harrassing folks in mall kiosks trying to get you to try a sample of hand lotion (don't know how many of those you have in the UK). |
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Anniemaniac
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 04, 2006
Posts: 316
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:33 am Post subject: |
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I hate when people ask for money. They always seem to target me. I'm always getting people who're selling "The Big Issue" approach me for money.
I sometimes give into them because at least they're trying to earn their income instead of begging for it but there seems to be so many of them now, that if you were to give the £1.50 to all of them, you'd be in the same position they are and I don't have a lot of money to begin with.
There's this one lady in town who sells it and every time I walk past, she targets me. I used to give into her on a regular basis, but one day I'd spent up, and I had no spare money on me, except for the taxi fare so I couldn't give her any. She then looked me up and down, stared at my bags, and gave me the lowest, dirtiest look you can imagine. After that I didn't give her anything else. If she's going to be that nasty with me, after I'd regularly bought her magazine, then why should I? It's not my duty to support her. |
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