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DustinWX
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 20, 2008
Posts: 73
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 Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 12:09 pm Post subject: help please? |
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| I mean really, I start college with all new people and whatnot and i've not made a single friend in two days now. Like the girls are pairing up with all the other guys and stuff, and here I am alone on my computer as always. I thought college was suppose to be better than this? Feels like highschool minus the obessive bullying. I dunno, maybe I'm over reacting but this social stuff is stressing me out man, and I don't know how to make friends and not seem like the quiet weird dude who stares at girls. |
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aaronrey
Toucan
Joined: Jul 31, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 250
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| Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 12:52 pm Post subject: |
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| pick classes that has a lot of group work. usually a foreign language class would force you to at least pair up on some assignments for conversation. |
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Silver1
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Aug 11, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 29
Location: New York
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| Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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I can't really help you out, I'm the same way in situations like these. And I'll probably have the same exact problems in a week when I start college.
Good Luck. |
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mango_prom
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 24
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 3:00 pm Post subject: Re: help please? |
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| DustinWX wrote: | | I mean really, I start college with all new people and whatnot and i've not made a single friend in two days now. Like the girls are pairing up with all the other guys and stuff, and here I am alone on my computer as always. I thought college was suppose to be better than this? Feels like highschool minus the obessive bullying. I dunno, maybe I'm over reacting but this social stuff is stressing me out man, and I don't know how to make friends and not seem like the quiet weird dude who stares at girls. |
1) Canīt make new friends in 2 days, son donīt panic!
2) Come on, turn that computer off for one week! Seriously, go out and do something. Do some sport or pick classes where you can interact with other people. Also, try to improve your bodylanguage,eye contact, appearance and so on. A new school means a fresh start, so you should change something. At least try 
It seems that you really WANT to find new friends, so you should start to work on conversational and social skills. When I started to improve these things, I watched my friends a lot and tried to figure out, what I did wrong in social interactions. It can be weird at first changing your behaviour, but with repetition youīll get used to it. So: Turn off your damn computer and practice interacting with real people. You can do it
What exactly are your problems? Some examples maybe? |
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No_YOU_get_over_it
Toucan
Joined: Jun 29, 2008
Posts: 255
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| Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:42 pm Post subject: |
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People tend to bond over shared activities. When I started college I noticed a lot of kids were exploring the facilities, and for example at the athletic center there were group trainings required for things like the Nautilus machines. One didn't have to talk to others in the group, but they became familiar faces.
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- NYGOI
NB: contents of above post represent my opinion at time of post only. YMMV, NAYY, and most importantly, IALBTC! |
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DustinWX
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 20, 2008
Posts: 73
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| Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Well they are into drinking and sex parties in these little towns... and of course I'm not included. |
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spudnik
Ain't I a Stinker
Joined: Feb 20, 2008
Posts: 3774
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada
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| Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:26 pm Post subject: |
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Try talking with people instead of hiding in front of your computer.
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patternist
Stirring the pot....
Joined: Jul 29, 2008
Age: 35
Posts: 1833
Location: wouldn't you like to know?
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| Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:41 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I mean really, I start college with all new people and whatnot and i've not made a single friend in two days now. Like the girls are pairing up with all the other guys and stuff, and here I am alone on my computer as always. I thought college was suppose to be better than this? Feels like highschool minus the obessive bullying. I dunno, maybe I'm over reacting but this social stuff is stressing me out man, and I don't know how to make friends and not seem like the quiet weird dude who stares at girls. |
I didn't make friends at college for about 9 months, well after I moved out of the dorms.
Remember, college friends are elective, not mandatory. You don't have to team up with just anybody.
And colleges have clubs/organizations for just about everything. I was in the canoe club, of all things. |
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Chevand
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 21, 2008
Posts: 19
Location: Vancouver, BC
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| Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:05 pm Post subject: |
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| DustinWX wrote: | | Well they are into drinking and sex parties in these little towns... and of course I'm not included. |
First of all, you have to ask yourself if you want to be included in that sort of social gathering in the first place.
I understand the pressure you feel, to make friends with your new peers. I went through much of the same kind of thing even when I was two years into my old college, and I'm going through it all over again with the move to this new college. It may not be the answer you want, but from my experience, it sounds like the best thing you can do to help yourself is to relax a bit, and stop being so hard on yourself about making friends so fast. Relationships, whether you're talking about friends, career colleagues, or significant others, don't happen overnight-- they're gradual processes. Two days is nothing; in the span of the rest of your time at college, even if you are very passive and reserved, you will make some friends-- take it from an Aspie who's been there. You just need to focus on doing things at a pace that is comfortable for you, and not pressuring yourself into situations that will ultimately make you uncomfortable. It's those kinds of things, when we do things that make us unhappy because we believe we'll gain friends, that actually end up doing more harm than good.
It may not always be an option-- I know at my last college it wasn't, because of the heavy workload-- but extracurricular activities like clubs are a good way to meet people, particularly if you're interested in the subject matter. If you feel comfortable with it, try looking for clubs that appeal to you-- chances are, you'll have the opportunity to meet some people with some common interests. |
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