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Catster2
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 25, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 488
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 Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 5:43 am Post subject: Estranged from parent? |
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| I am estranged from my dad I haven't seen him since 2006 and before that it was sporadic since 2002. He is a retired academic strongly suspected of also being AS given the genetic aspect and his behaviours. There are a couple of incidents I remember as a kid that now make sense. I also beleive his AS also contributed to our falling out. When I got diagnosed with AS five years ago I started to talk about the bullying I suffered all through school from peers and some teachers which mum and other family are aware happened and tried everything to stop it to no avail. Dad completely denies that I was bullied and says the teachers were "very nice to me" he also denies mum went up to school all the time about it. He also says my mum did not verbally abuse me which she did and others know she did. He says I had no problems as a child which is commly known to be false and even denied AS at first. He denial and rigidity about it caused me a lot of pain so eventually I decided to cut all ties with him it is less hurtful that way. I have made it clear to him that if and when he admits and acknowledges things I will make an effort to patch things up. Mum kept hassling me to talk to him and to "get over" the bullying which hurt also but now doesnt hassle me fortunately. Anyone else estranged from family members? |
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n4mwd
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 08, 2008
Posts: 663
Location: Palm Beach, FL
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 6:47 am Post subject: |
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| Part of the problem with being an aspie is that we perceive bullying when there is none. I'm not saying that bullying didn't/doesn't happen, I'm just saying that kids do things that we perceive as bullying when it really isn't the perpetrator's true intent. We are hypersensitive to sensory inputs and other kids/adults simply don't realize how much things bother us. |
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Johnson68
Raven
Joined: Aug 07, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 111
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 6:55 am Post subject: |
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I don't know if this will count, but I'm adopted.
Although I have met them, I don't want to speak or see them again.
I have a pretty good relationship with my adoptive parents,
Although I only see them on occasion because of living arrangements. |
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corroonb
Sane Anarchist and Pacifist
Joined: Oct 29, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1127
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 7:49 am Post subject: |
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| I'm estranged from my dad. I haven't spoken to him for about 4 years. He seems to suffer from severe moodswings and he generally acts weird. He doesn't have AS or autism. I'm glad I'm not in contact with him as he was mostly a negative influence. |
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MrMark
Abstract Data Type
Joined: Jul 04, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 9795
Location: Tallahassee, FL
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 7:51 am Post subject: |
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Except for a brief telephone conversation when my mother died, I haven't spoken to my father in 20 years. He's probably aspie and definitely alcoholic. His father was a drunk who beat him and his brother and their mother on a regular basis. He was a bully who was bullied.
_________________
"Keep walking, though there's no place to get to. Don't try to see through the distances. That's not for human beings. Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move."
- Rumi (Translated by Coleman Barks) |
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Catster2
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 25, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 488
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 8:00 am Post subject: |
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| n4mwd wrote: | | Part of the problem with being an aspie is that we perceive bullying when there is none. I'm not saying that bullying didn't/doesn't happen, I'm just saying that kids do things that we perceive as bullying when it really isn't the perpetrator's true intent. We are hypersensitive to sensory inputs and other kids/adults simply don't realize how much things bother us. |
I WAS bullied and to suggest otherwise is hurtful many of my former bullies have even apologised to me on Facebook. Maybe in your case you perceived things wrong I did not. |
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kitty2
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 22, 2008
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 8:03 am Post subject: |
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| I am estranged from my dad too. Last time I saw him was in 1993 or 1994, I think, even the years I don't know exactly. My mum thinks he's dead. I don't know and I don't care really. |
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Dragonfly_Dreams
Deinonychus
Joined: May 19, 2008
Posts: 332
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 8:22 am Post subject: |
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I haven't seen my father in 21 years, since he molested me. My mother passed when I was 19. (She was a drug abuser and alcoholic, we had no relationship) I am estranged from my aunt, uncles and grandfather, my only living adult relatives.
Basically, since my grandmother.. my primary caregiver as a child, passed away when I was 15.. I've had no family. Until I made my own that is. LOL |
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CelticRose
Albatross!
Joined: Jul 20, 2008
Posts: 1087
Location: Mesa, AZ, USA, Third Rock from the Sun
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 12:20 pm Post subject: |
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I've been estranged from my mother since I was 18, and from my father a few years later (I am 35). They were both physically and emotionally abusive. My mother had me convinced that I was stupid even though I was a National Merit Scholar and have high enough SAT scores to get into Mensa if I chose to. They both beat me and my brother. My dad's behavior improved after he got away my mother, but he never got control over his violent temper. One night, we were arguing; he was sitting in his pickup and I was on the passenger's side with the door open. He lost his temper and drove off suddenly. If I had been standing one step closer to the vehicle, the door would have hit me and knocked me under the wheels. I told him to stay out of my life after that and he has respected that.
Abusers rarely change; the best thing you can do is to get away from them.
Aspies may be bullied more, but it's because the bullies are afraid of our differences or see us as easy targets. It is not a misperception on our part.
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Be who you are & say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss
I yam what I yam. - Popeye
Be yourself no matter what they say. - Sting |
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Sora
Love all, trust a few
Joined: Sep 16, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 2854
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 2:12 pm Post subject: |
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Oh yeah.
My genitor didn't want to see my any more when I was in kindergarten because my mother rightfully asked for more child support. I didn't see him for about the next 10 years. From then on I had a somewhat loose distant relationship (or lack thereof) with he apparently didn't like. When he went abroad last year, he stopped paying child support, left without any contact information and insulted me personally as a last act.
The good thing is, I never minded growing up without a 2nd parent. My family was always complete and normal.
I didn't know that others minded, until in grade 5th a girl who was my bully got mentally ill because her parents were divorced.
I noticed I am still slightly put off at the idea of mother+father+child. It's wrong to me, I think family is mother or father+child. Talk of autistic rigid thinking here! Just last week there were quite many people on my job introductory seminar that had such families of 3 members. And I thought it was odd that anyone had 2 parents.
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The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett |
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reika
Supporting Member
Joined: Aug 14, 2007
Posts: 1011
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 2:27 pm Post subject: |
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I'v spoken to my father once in the last 10 years and that was to tell him that Mom was gonna be dead in 3 months.
Hes made no secret of what a disappointment I'v been to him and I feel its best for my emotional well-being to not seek out a relationship w/ him. From the day of my birth I was a disappointment (he wanted me to be a boy and made sure I knew about it,) and everything else I ever did also disappointed him.
I'm also estranged from my sister (have seen her once in 22 years for one day and that was TOO long) and the only real family I have is my children. All the other relatives (which there are LOTS of) don't really care about me one way or the other. I'v always been the black sheep of the family.
My Mom was the only person who ever tried to help me get through life or cared about me and she died 3 years ago yesterday. It's the most "alone" I'v ever felt.
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Did I dream this belief, or did I believe this dream?
Peter Gabriel
If only closed minds came with closed mouths. Lau: "But where would they put their feet?" Postpaleo: "Up their ass." |
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Paperplate
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 29, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 168
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 4:29 pm Post subject: |
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I've stopped contact with my parents almost a year ago. They've been emotionally abusive to me all my life. They both have aspie traits, especially my dad.
Same as the OP, when I confronted them with incidents that happened in the past, they deny that it ever happened and say I'm lying or overreacting...
There is some truth in that we over-perceive abuse but we are also easy prey for anyone with abusive tendencies. Especially in a closed family home.
I've been much happier and content since the "break-away"
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only dead fish go with the flow |
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grain-and-field
Toucan
Joined: Mar 08, 2008
Posts: 275
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 4:50 pm Post subject: |
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| MrMark wrote: | | Except for a brief telephone conversation when my mother died, I haven't spoken to my father in 20 years. He's probably aspie and definitely alcoholic. His father was a drunk who beat him and his brother and their mother on a regular basis. He was a bully who was bullied. |
Cry me a river. Get over it. |
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Followthereaper90
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 30, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 993
Location: finland
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 5:07 pm Post subject: |
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| grain-and-field wrote: | | MrMark wrote: | | Except for a brief telephone conversation when my mother died, I haven't spoken to my father in 20 years. He's probably aspie and definitely alcoholic. His father was a drunk who beat him and his brother and their mother on a regular basis. He was a bully who was bullied. |
Cry me a river. Get over it. |
in case u havent noticet this is support forum so leave comments like that out or gtfo of thread
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followthereaper until its time to make a turn,
followthereaper until point of no return-children of bodom-follow the reaper |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1762
Location: US, midmap
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 5:17 pm Post subject: |
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| I am technically estranged from my father and his side of the family, mostly my mother's doing and brainwashing while I was growing up. I would like to get closer just don't really know how so I remain distant with some communications via mails over the years but nothing in person. |
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