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Catster2
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 25, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 488
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 Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 5:58 am Post subject: anyone not particularly into relationships |
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| I strongly beleive I am an asexual female aspie. I am 28 and have had two non sexual relationships in my life partially because I felt that was the right thing to do to. I am not really into the dating scene or really care about sex etc. From whatg I hear a lot of aspies are also asexual anyone else feel similar to me? I do however enjoy friendships with either men or women just to hang out and spend time. |
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 51
Posts: 2904
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 7:16 am Post subject: |
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I'm not sure I'm sophisticated enough for them. I've had a few but...
...and the older you get the harder it gets, people have more baggage.
I think I've given up. |
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MrMark
Abstract Data Type
Joined: Jul 04, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 9795
Location: Tallahassee, FL
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 7:44 am Post subject: |
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| Postperson wrote: | | ...and the older you get the harder it gets, people have more baggage. |
I would think it would be the other way around. People have that baggage when they're young, it's just not as apparent. When they're older and it's more apparent, they have the opportunity to put some of it down. I guess we're not the only ones who have difficulty with change.
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"Keep walking, though there's no place to get to. Don't try to see through the distances. That's not for human beings. Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move."
- Rumi (Translated by Coleman Barks) |
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Who_Am_I
Retarded walking encylopedia, apparently...
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 3290
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 8:05 am Post subject: |
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I'm not asexual but I find that the emotional side of relationships is too much trouble to bother with. I'm ok with friendships with a select few people, but on the whole I prefer my own company.
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I don't dislike humans, I just don't want them to inhabit the same planet as me. |
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Danielismyname
Troglodyte descended
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 5926
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 11:19 am Post subject: |
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| Who_Am_I wrote: | | ... I find that the emotional side of relationships is too much trouble to bother with. |
You know, this brings to light something that's rarely spoken of concerning ASDs; whilst we are different "socially", we're just as different "emotionally" compared to "NTs", and within the same labels. Personally, I think that most with a diagnosable ASD should accept the fact that you aren't just socially compatible with nearly all people, but emotionally too.
The divorce rate of those with a diagnosed ASD is well over 90%, and the marriage rate is below 1% (I'm equating marriage with relationship here for severity's sake).
Personally, if there's someone that you find yourself liking (this is to everyone), and they you, it'd be wise to lay your emotions out for him or her to see, raw, and somewhat early, as all I can see is heartbreak for people with ASDs who start relationships that are based on superficial (looks and/or interests) reasons, as many with ASDs are more loyal and "lasting" than the average bear. Emotional compatibility is the important part of a lasting relationship.
"NTs" are emotionally similar, just as they are socially, so there's a good chance they'll still be compatible after the usual be-smitten stage is over; "ASDs" and "NTs" aren't, nor are "ASDs" and other "ASDs".
(Unrelated to this thread, but a point nonetheless.) |
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MrMark
Abstract Data Type
Joined: Jul 04, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 9795
Location: Tallahassee, FL
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 12:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Danielismyname wrote: | | ...whilst we are different "socially", we're just as different "emotionally" compared to "NTs"... |
I have not found this to be the case. I find the apsies on this site to be no different emotionally from the NTs I deal with in real life. We have the same emotional needs. We play the same ego games. We demonstrate the same adaptive and maladaptive behaviors. I think that if we were really emotionally different from NTs that we wouldn't have the substantially higher suicide rate that we do. I think that they wouldn't be able to hurt us as they do.
_________________
"Keep walking, though there's no place to get to. Don't try to see through the distances. That's not for human beings. Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move."
- Rumi (Translated by Coleman Barks) |
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Danielismyname
Troglodyte descended
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 5926
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 1:05 pm Post subject: |
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People with an ASD are emotionally impaired, just as they are socially. It's just that the social deficits are the most obvious, as that's what everyone first sees.
You'll find that the emotional impairment will run from feeling too much in one area, not at all in another; no emotions at all, and every other iteration of "impaired". It's not just problems with "showing" the emotion, it's actually problems with feeling and defining the emotion in just as many cases as those who can't show it, but feel it.
O, and the higher suicide rate comes from the social and/or emotional problems (there's too many possibilities and permutations to list, really). It's truly a "pervasive" developmental disorder that affects most areas of functioning. |
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Eggman
das Freak'n Techno Viking!
Joined: Jul 18, 2008
Posts: 1866
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 1:55 pm Post subject: |
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| It seems its more like emotionally and socially well adjusted. I mean why would anyone care about things like brittany sopears sisters child? |
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Cyberman
Cyber Lieutenant
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 1259
Location: Cyber Control
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 5:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Danielismyname wrote: | | People with an ASD are emotionally impaired, just as they are socially. |
I'm reminded of when a non-AS member here told me that I had the "emotional immaturity of a 7-year-old," even though I'm a few years older than he is. Obviously, he was just trying to insult me, but I can't help but wonder how badly my emotional development is impaired. I'm very sensitive to certain things, and I doubt that I'd ever be able to handle the drama which comes with relationships. My parents were one of the few healthy couples, and they still had some horrific fights. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle that.
It seems that relationships are too much baggage for a lot of Aspies. I just wish I knew how to fully embrace my single status instead of feeling lonely and bitter about it. |
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BokeKaeru
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 507
Location: Alternately Los Angeles, CA and Northampton, MA
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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Likewise on the whole asexual issue, Catster2. I'm still trying to figure out the difference between a close friendship and a "relationship." Like, I know there IS a difference, even for someone like me, I just don't know where one stops and the other begins.
Eventually I do want to find a long-term partner, a soul mate, really, but I do worry about the logistics of it - sensory issues, food issues, being very stubborn, having strange interests or lacks thereof and all that. If it happens, it happens, and if I have to wait a while, more time to sort myself out and learn how to live well both alone and around other people. Probably the biggest mistake I could make is rushing into a relationship just for the sake of having one and potentially damage myself and someone else by not being self-aware enough to know better. I know more or less what I'm trying to find, and I try to keep my mind on the fact that such a person has to exist somewhere. |
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QuantumToast
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 16, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 91
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| Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:52 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, I'm pretty indifferent to that kind of stuff, particularly the sex side of things. Not so much on the romance side, though it still seems more effort than it's worth...
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CaptainMac
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 10, 2008
Posts: 166
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 12:58 am Post subject: |
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Never had a sexual relationship in my life. Really could care less about that part.
The last time I even had anything resembling a relationship was six years ago.
Haven't even found a girl I really have liked since high school. |
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WinterRose
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 47
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 3:34 am Post subject: |
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I was intrested in having a relationship... I was not how ever interested in the dating process... which worked out in the end because my fiancee and I met online and never really dated. 
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Definitely not NT |
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