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Ticker
Come to the Dark Side; we have cookies...
Joined: Aug 26, 2006
Posts: 2406
Location: Cage Free at the moment
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 Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:53 pm Post subject: But you need to get out more |
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Does anyone else get tired of being told that? I have 4 friends that I go out with whenever they are free, so I do go out. Sometimes I also get out by myself and go to a movie or restaurant. I go to water aerobics at least once a week. So I do "stuff". But I have a friend/ex-neighbor who insists I need to be like her because she is at the theater 5 hours every day since she is into drama. Course I've always found plays, drama and so forth boring. So she insists just because I'm lesbian I need to join some militant GLBT group at the college that protests the gay marriage amendment to the state constitution.
First of all I don't want to protest because I don't want a police record. I am also physically disabled so I can't stand for long nor walk a lot. Thirdly I think marriage in general is a joke because I see there is no such thing as love its all just a matter of one person using another in order to get some need met. I also disalike other lesbians because the ones in town are so masculine. Yuck! If I found masculinity attractive then I would date a man ok! So what do others think about me being told I should join a militant gay group just to socialize more? I can barely stand other humans as it is and get very overwhelmed by noise and bright lights. I'm rather content at the moment sitting at home watching all the cool UFO shows on History channel today. Why can't some people understand not everyone needs to have another person around and some of us honestly are happier alone?
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I'm sweet on the outside and rotten within... |
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HereComeTheLizards
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 22, 2008
Age: 32
Posts: 152
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| Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 9:14 pm Post subject: |
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I never understood the allegedly explicit connection between 'getting out more' and better mental health, or the apparent ability of socialising to solve all known problems.
Spend a lot of time alone? "You need to get out more", they say.
Spend most of you time persuing your own somewhat unusual interests? "You need to get out more", they say.
Say anything even mildly critical of other people's stupidity? "You need to get out more", they say.
My personal view is that people are offended by what they see as dangerous obsession and hermit behaviour and seek to impose their own conformity on those they see as deviating from social norms.
"Get a life!". I already have one, thank you. It may not be yours, and you may see it as unhealthy, dangerous and wrong. But I'm betting that my life causes less harm than your life does.
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"Hulk will fight back as Hulk always fights back--but will Hulk's friends fight beside him? They will not help Hulk. Are these the kind of friends Hulk needs? Hulk does not think so." |
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Ticker
Come to the Dark Side; we have cookies...
Joined: Aug 26, 2006
Posts: 2406
Location: Cage Free at the moment
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| Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:11 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Lizard! Is it okay if I call you Lizard? I thought it was somewhat humorous that the woman telling me I need to get out more spends every evening running to the theater because she is into plays. I mean okay she is 55 and still play pretending to be someone else basically is what local theater is about. How boring.
She did say she would contact me next week about a day we could go out for dinner. I sometimes think she thinks she is somehow saving or rescuing me by asking me to go out. Um I do have other friends I go out with maybe I should remind her of that. But then again I am picky about who I spend time with because I find most humans pretty much worthless.
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I'm sweet on the outside and rotten within... |
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Starr
Creature of the night
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Joined: Sep 18, 2006
Posts: 4320
Location: the misty mountain
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| Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 4:55 am Post subject: |
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I've been told that many times. I put up with it as a kid and felt guilty about not being more social but I don't now. A cancelled social event is a cause for celebration! That's another few hours of empty conversation I've saved!  I do enjoy my friends company sometimes, but not as often as 'normal' probably, whatever 'normal' is.
Coincidentally, I had a similar conversation with a RL friend about this 'getting out more' obsession some people seem to have. My friend isn't AS but she is an introvert. She likes doing things alone, enjoys hobbies she does alone, but likes company sometimes too, for walks, meals out etc. Similar to me really. But she still gets pressure from her family to 'get out more' - at 60 you'd think they would realise that she is happy the way she is and leave her alone to arrange her life the way she likes it, without trying to make her feel guilty about it.
I wonder if it is because some people love being with others and get lonely if they're on their own and think we're the same. Maybe they can't imagine time spent alone is pleasureable?
Perhaps your theatre-loving friend is like that? You could say how much you enjoy your own company, have health problems which mean you can't stand for long and you're more able to get physically comfortable at home, always find things to do at home, never feel lonely etc. and keep saying it with the hope that eventually she gets the message. Stick to your guns! 
Otherwise, tell her she needs to 'stay in more'. Why don't people ever say that?  I wish I had the guts to say that to people who say 'get out more'...maybe I will one day, I can feel it brewing  |
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Ticker
Come to the Dark Side; we have cookies...
Joined: Aug 26, 2006
Posts: 2406
Location: Cage Free at the moment
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| Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 1:33 pm Post subject: |
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Starr,
As much as it pains me to say this maybe I need to act a little bit more like my mother. Growing up she used to say stuff about people spending too much time gadding about. I would sometimes ask her to take me somewhere and she would say "i didn't raise you to run wild gadding about all the time and you need to learn to stay home". I think my mom is on the spectrum BTW. But I can see my friend needs to be told this and in fact I recall mom once telling me after I told her about my friend that "a woman her age has no business running around like that". It also reminds me of an article I read once on why stores and restaurants play music in the background is because people are so scared to be alone with themselves; alone with their own minds, so they come up with distractions.
Me I enjoy alone time with myself because I get to watch all the crazy cryptozoology shows on tv that another person would surely not allow me to watch if I was with someone.
It bothers me immensely that my dad says crap like "It worries me that you spend so much time alone" or mails me $20 and writes "You need to get out of the house some; its not healthy staying at home all the time". Its also insulting that he thinks he should send money. Part of the reason I also don't "gad about" on the weekends is I think morally its kinda wrong to waste gasoline on non-essential travel and its not because I don't have money saved up. So who is the crazy one I ask?
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I'm sweet on the outside and rotten within... |
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cosmiccat
Supporting Member
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Posts: 1770
Location: In my body on my 66th trip around the sun
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| Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 4:43 pm Post subject: |
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I like staying home alone and I also like going out alone. I like the feeling of being alone when I am in a crowd of people, as in the city, just walking around with no object or destination in mind. I have been thinking about taking the train into one of the city's largest train stations, which is not only an architectural wonder, but a great place to be alone amongst a crowd of people. It's warm and comfortable and has several interesting shops. I can watch people coming and going, boarding and de-boarding trains to and from cities all over the United States. I could take a book or two, or notebooks for writing. I may even be able to get a connection on my lap top. It would be like going to work and the station could be my office - with no boss breathing down my neck.
I think it's really sweet of your father, Ticker, to send you twenty bucks. At least he cares enough about you to be concerned. Maybe he doesn't realize or understand how much you like being alone. Sounds like he loves you. Hope you are not offended by my saying this. My father died about ten years ago and I miss him a lot. 
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I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. Some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most. Bob Dylan |
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AnnaLemma
Raven
Joined: Mar 16, 2008
Posts: 115
Location: Critter country
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| Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 9:27 am Post subject: |
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Been told this many times throughout my life. Usually I have found that it means that the speaker is saying that you don't seem to know "enough" (however they define it) about something that they're interested and that whatever you're interested in is not relevant to them. Also, for some folks, merely being interested in something and actively pursuing it is not enough--you need to be a "joiner" and do it in a group to get validation in their eyes. Fortunately, my aspieness seems to protect me from caring about these attitudes. But it is a pretty rude and annoying thing to hear.
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