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piroflip
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Aug 21, 2008
Posts: 45
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 Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:53 am Post subject: distant next door neighbors |
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What do members find the most embarrassing and annoying thing about having A.S.?
To me it is living in a community for nearly fifteen years and STILL being a total stranger to neighbors. I live alone in a largish detached house and am on “nodding” terms only with the nice couples living either side of me. It annoys me intensely that I can’t develop the relationship. |
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tomamil
What the #$*!?
Joined: May 14, 2007
Posts: 1357
Location: currently Paris, France, but originally Asteroid B612
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:01 am Post subject: |
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| exactly the same. but the people don't approach me either. so how do they develop the relationships when no one is approaching anyone? |
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piroflip
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Aug 21, 2008
Posts: 45
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:15 am Post subject: |
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| tomamil wrote: | | exactly the same. but the people don't approach me either. so how do they develop the relationships when no one is aproaching anyone? |
But that’s the hardest thing of all!!!!!!!! They approach each other but not me.
On warm evenings I smell the barbecues, hear the garden parties and watch small groups chatting as they cut their front lawns. On millennium eve the WHOLE close was out celebrating, but not me. It’s not that I don’t want to join in; it’s that I don’t know how to. |
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UnusualSuspect
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 70
Posts: 45
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:16 am Post subject: |
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| I don't see that as a problem. I've lived in lots of different neighborhoods and rarely knew any of my neighbors except to wave to or say Hi. The chances are that you won't have anything in common with most of them, so why try to have a relationship? |
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piroflip
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Aug 21, 2008
Posts: 45
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:19 am Post subject: |
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| UnusualSuspect wrote: | | I don't see that as a problem. I've lived in lots of different neighborhoods and rarely knew any of my neighbors except to wave to or say Hi. The chances are that you won't have anything in common with most of them, so why try to have a relationship? |
because I feel so damn stupid living there for fifteen years and watching the rest bonding, talking, garden partying etc. |
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tomamil
What the #$*!?
Joined: May 14, 2007
Posts: 1357
Location: currently Paris, France, but originally Asteroid B612
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:22 am Post subject: |
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| piroflip wrote: | | On millennium eve the WHOLE close was out celebrating, but not me. |
maybe this one was a good chance to go out and join them, i am sure they wouldn't send you away...
but i can relate very well; i don't understand how it works either... |
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tomamil
What the #$*!?
Joined: May 14, 2007
Posts: 1357
Location: currently Paris, France, but originally Asteroid B612
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:24 am Post subject: |
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| piroflip wrote: | | UnusualSuspect wrote: | | I don't see that as a problem. I've lived in lots of different neighborhoods and rarely knew any of my neighbors except to wave to or say Hi. The chances are that you won't have anything in common with most of them, so why try to have a relationship? |
because I feel so damn stupid living there for fifteen years and watching the rest bonding, talking, garden partying etc. |
i guess they think by now that you want to be left alone... |
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piroflip
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Aug 21, 2008
Posts: 45
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:28 am Post subject: |
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| tomamil wrote: | | piroflip wrote: | | UnusualSuspect wrote: | | I don't see that as a problem. I've lived in lots of different neighborhoods and rarely knew any of my neighbors except to wave to or say Hi. The chances are that you won't have anything in common with most of them, so why try to have a relationship? |
because I feel so damn stupid living there for fifteen years and watching the rest bonding, talking, garden partying etc. |
i guess they think by now that you want to be left alone... |
fair point,,,,,,,,,,,it's a sad fact that A.S. sufferers are seen as distant when they just want to join in with others. |
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Apatura
Mimosa pudica
Joined: Jul 25, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 1240
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:33 am Post subject: |
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When I moved into my house, I made an effort to connect to my neighbors. I had this idea in my head that now I was part of a neighborhood as an official homeowner, and I was supposed to be friendly with my neighbors. So I approached them and started talking. It all went downhill from there. Despite their finding me strange, I found myself invited over to one neighbor's house and once there found that a 45 min-1 hr visit was far more treacherous than scraping up a few minutes on conversation on the sidewalk. My friendly gestures towards another neighbor sparked years of him harassing me to the point that I felt locked in my house and was afraid to even go out and get in my car if he was sitting on his front porch (which he usually was).
I guess what I'm trying to say is that a situation that should have been easy to negotiate and manage blew up in my face and I now wish I had just kept to myself! It's not so easy as just making the initial "hello," you have to have the ability to sustain and navigate the ensuing relationships and interactions, which I'm just not equipped for. |
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tomamil
What the #$*!?
Joined: May 14, 2007
Posts: 1357
Location: currently Paris, France, but originally Asteroid B612
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:35 am Post subject: |
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| piroflip wrote: | | tomamil wrote: | | piroflip wrote: | | UnusualSuspect wrote: | | I don't see that as a problem. I've lived in lots of different neighborhoods and rarely knew any of my neighbors except to wave to or say Hi. The chances are that you won't have anything in common with most of them, so why try to have a relationship? |
because I feel so damn stupid living there for fifteen years and watching the rest bonding, talking, garden partying etc. |
i guess they think by now that you want to be left alone... |
fair point,,,,,,,,,,,it's a sad fact that A.S. sufferers are seen as distant when they just want to join in with others. |
yes, that's sad... ideal neighbour would be someone who knows about AS and can recognize it in you and upon that knowledge act appropriately to involve you in the community...  it's kind of funny to imagine... |
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release_the_bats
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Posts: 458
Location: deep in the woods
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:37 am Post subject: |
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Lack of familiarity with neighbors seems like the norm these days.
A lot of people really just don't want to interact with their neighbors. You might have ended up living around a bunch of people like that.
If you really want to get to know your neighbors a little, the next time you see them, you could introduce yourself. If you see one of them carrying something heavy, you could offer to help. Around Christmas time, you could bring them all cookies (be sure to include everyone who lives within a certain distance of you so no one feels left out). You could comment on what it's like to live in the neighborhood ("Don't you love living in such a safe, clean neighborhood? I know I do - we're lucky!" or "Did you hear about the recent break-ins? I'm not bothered by all the trash in the street, but that kind of stuff scares me." depending on what kind of neighborhood you live in).
I think most people appreciate neighbors' efforts to be friendly, even if they don't reciprocate.
In any case, I wouldn't take it personally, and it sounds unlikely to have to do with AS, unless the neighbors are very social with each other but not you. |
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tomamil
What the #$*!?
Joined: May 14, 2007
Posts: 1357
Location: currently Paris, France, but originally Asteroid B612
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:38 am Post subject: |
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| Apatura wrote: | | I guess what I'm trying to say is that a situation that should have been easy to negotiate and manage blew up in my face and I now wish I had just kept to myself! It's not so easy as just making the initial "hello," you have to have the ability to sustain and navigate the ensuing relationships and interactions, which I'm just not equipped for. |
that's a good point, too |
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AnnaLemma
Raven
Joined: Mar 16, 2008
Posts: 115
Location: Critter country
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:47 am Post subject: |
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Perhaps I'm biased due to living in earthquake and brushfire country, but while my neighbors are not my best friends by any means, I think it is a good idea to at least know your resources (people and things) in your immediate vicinity, for safety's sake. I like to know who's usually home at various times of the day. One of my most trusted neighbors has a key to our house. It has saved me once when I was locked out and if I wasn't home during an earthquake or fire, they could get our cats out. My husband is more the friendly type and lends out his tools. I keep a lower profile, but I am a believer in enlightened self-interest and this means being in touch with my surroundings to a certain degree. Neighbors are part of the big picture.
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serenity
Phoenix
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Joined: Feb 26, 2007
Posts: 728
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 12:06 pm Post subject: |
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| This kind of situation gets to me, too. We've only lived in our current neighborhood for about a year now, and I do chat with one of my neighbors sometimes. However, I swear, my husband just has to go out in the front yard, and there's at least one person every time who runs up to talk to him. I'm outside all the time with my kids, and almost no one comes to chat with me. It really frustrating. How is it that he's like a social magnet without doing anything, except some yard work, and whatnot, and I seem to repel people without even so much as saying anything? |
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anbuend
Oak-Type Autie
Joined: Jul 06, 2004
Posts: 3302
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 12:08 pm Post subject: |
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| AnnaLemma wrote: | | Perhaps I'm biased due to living in earthquake and brushfire country, but while my neighbors are not my best friends by any means, I think it is a good idea to at least know your resources (people and things) in your immediate vicinity, for safety's sake. I like to know who's usually home at various times of the day. One of my most trusted neighbors has a key to our house. It has saved me once when I was locked out and if I wasn't home during an earthquake or fire, they could get our cats out. My husband is more the friendly type and lends out his tools. I keep a lower profile, but I am a believer in enlightened self-interest and this means being in touch with my surroundings to a certain degree. Neighbors are part of the big picture. |
Agreed living in a place that can have blizzards. And I think most people in areas like this are very aware that they might even hate their neighbors but they still might depend on them in the next snowstorm or icestorm.
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