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corroonb
Sane Anarchist and Pacifist
Joined: Oct 29, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1127
Location: Ireland
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 Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 6:43 pm Post subject: How do you not annoy people? |
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| It seems that some people don't like those who are intelligent and can't hide it. I have never been able to hide that I am clever and I have usually been treated badly as a result. I don't know if it's my vocabulary or attitude. I tend to treat people reasonably well and I help out whenever I can. However people have interpreted my intelligence to mean that I think they are stupid even when I have said or implied nothing of the sort. I am very confused about this as it has happened on a number of occasions and I don't know what I did wrong. |
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Kauf039
Toucan
Joined: May 17, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 255
Location: ON, Canada
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 6:53 pm Post subject: |
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Question (obviously): how do you know that it is directly related to your intelligence and not another aspect of your self?
Just saying, it might help with answers if there is more specific information. It may not be your intelligence at all, just the way some people think you "look down" on them (by certain facial expressions and/or tone of voice) while speaking or something else along those lines. Usually I find that it is not pure intelligence that though others off, but the feeling like another believes or makes them believe that they are in some way inadequate.
PS. I do not mean the above as you are TRYING to do these things by any stretch, but I personally find it difficult to walk that fine line some people have between being the "smart friend" and the "condesending jerk". (Of course I never mean to be the latter...)
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prillix
Snowy Owl
Joined: Aug 12, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 160
Location: Sudbury Ontario --- Soon Edmonton Alberta
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 6:55 pm Post subject: Re: How do you not annoy people? |
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I know exactly what you mean man. Sometimes i come off like more of a jerk when i try to be nice. Sometimes when im smiling normally, people interpret it as a "sneaky cocky" look. Sometimes when i try to teach people stuff they do not know, they assume that im acting better then them, when all im trying to do is help.
Its hard to fit in when everytime you try, people hate you for it. |
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Brunny
Raven
Joined: Jul 12, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 108
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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It takes a long time. It is literally like learning a foreign language. Although what you say is absolutely simple and literal and has no hidden messages or nuances or hints or inferences NTs will take what you say as if an NT had said it and find hidden meaning where there is none.
You just have to learn their language, it's not easy. |
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corroonb
Sane Anarchist and Pacifist
Joined: Oct 29, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1127
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 6:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Most of my trouble has been online so the body language thing doesn't apply. In person I am quite modest and I have no wish to show off or boast. I really do not value myself in such a way. I enjoy learning and sharing my knowledge with people and it's very hard for me not to do this. |
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corroonb
Sane Anarchist and Pacifist
Joined: Oct 29, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1127
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 6:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Brunny wrote: | It takes a long time. It is literally like learning a foreign language. Although what you say is absolutely simple and literal and has no hidden messages or nuances or hints or inferences NTs will take what you say as if an NT had said it and find hidden meaning where there is none.
You just have to learn their language, it's not easy. |
To be quite honest I find most of this sort of behaviour insane for want of a better word. It has not really happened in real life because people are more restrained but on the net I seem to provoke people with low self esteem who want to drag me down somehow. I don't really understand it at all.
I have no real way to gauge a person's response on the net and to change if I am annoying them. |
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patternist
Stirring the pot....
Joined: Jul 29, 2008
Age: 35
Posts: 1833
Location: wouldn't you like to know?
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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| corroonb wrote: | | Brunny wrote: | It takes a long time. It is literally like learning a foreign language. Although what you say is absolutely simple and literal and has no hidden messages or nuances or hints or inferences NTs will take what you say as if an NT had said it and find hidden meaning where there is none.
You just have to learn their language, it's not easy. |
To be quite honest I find most of this sort of behaviour insane for want of a better word. It has not really happened in real life because people are more restrained but on the net I seem to provoke people with low self esteem who want to drag me down somehow. I don't really understand it at all.
I have no real way to gauge a person's response on the net and to change if I am annoying them. |
Maybe you're assuming you know too much about the people with whom you are interacting. Like that someone who doesn't agree with you has "low self-esteem". If someone presumed that about me, it would piss me right off. |
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lionesss
The Queen of not your typical kind of jungle
Joined: Aug 22, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 1013
Location: not anywhere near you
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 9:13 pm Post subject: |
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It could also be if they are treating you this way, perhaps they are intimidated by you. I just know at times that has been my experience when it comes to certain things about me. I don't know 
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I was told that I have PDD-NOS and ADHD- in other words, mild AS with a history of speech delay. I personally think its best to say that I am just plain under the spectrum! |
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CelticRose
Albatross!
Joined: Jul 20, 2008
Posts: 1087
Location: Mesa, AZ, USA, Third Rock from the Sun
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 10:03 pm Post subject: Re: How do you not annoy people? |
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| corroonb wrote: | | It seems that some people don't like those who are intelligent and can't hide it. I have never been able to hide that I am clever and I have usually been treated badly as a result. I don't know if it's my vocabulary or attitude. I tend to treat people reasonably well and I help out whenever I can. However people have interpreted my intelligence to mean that I think they are stupid even when I have said or implied nothing of the sort. I am very confused about this as it has happened on a number of occasions and I don't know what I did wrong. |
I understand this completely. I get the exact same thing. And we're not alone -- there was even a book written on this phenomenon. I believe it is called The Dumbing Down of America. (I'm not certain of the title, so somebody please correct me if I'm wrong.) For some reason, in today's society it is not acceptable to be intelligent. I've found the best remedy for this is to hang out with other intelligent people as much as possible. I refuse to "dumb down" my intelligence just because someone finds it threatening.
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Be who you are & say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss
I yam what I yam. - Popeye
Be yourself no matter what they say. - Sting |
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patternist
Stirring the pot....
Joined: Jul 29, 2008
Age: 35
Posts: 1833
Location: wouldn't you like to know?
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 10:10 pm Post subject: |
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| Hmmm. I think the finer point we may all be missing is...it's not that people dislike intelligence; they dislike those that assume they are more intelligent. It took me years to learn this. |
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aspiartist
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 557
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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I identify completely with what you are saying also corroonb. I don't think of myself as particularly intelligent but I share similar experiences that you have with people. My general demeanor is stoic and aloof, and a know-it-all from what I have gathered through feed-back, but I'm also very caring and concerned as well. People seem to find me irritating, it seems, when I'm only trying to help.
Last edited by aspiartist on Sun Aug 24, 2008 10:42 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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aspiartist
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 557
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 10:28 pm Post subject: |
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As to the question, I have no clue. I think by my very essense, they're going to be annoyed by me. It hurts to be misunderstood, but what can you do?
Because of the environment of my childhood, I missed out entirely on my primary education. My adult life has been challenged as well but I 'was' able to take several college courses. In every one I was at the top of my class in skill, performance and speed of learning, even though the other students had the advantage considering their earlier, primary education. It's strange how brain-damage can give one an edge in one way and a tremendous deficiency in another, i.e. sensory, social and communication. I learned in those college classes that I was in fact intelligent. Circumstances prevented any further college and for the rest I'm self-taught.
Last edited by aspiartist on Sun Aug 24, 2008 11:12 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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poopylungstuffing
"Ultimate Creative Oddball"
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 4234
Location: not otherwise specified
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 11:05 pm Post subject: |
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I dunnow....Not talk in loud shrill voice while repeating myself over and over and over again?
um.....um.....Not......butt into people's conversations.....Never give an opinion that could be interpreted as a an insult...(if only I knew before it was too late....  )
um.....
that's all I can think of....
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1762
Location: US, midmap
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 11:30 pm Post subject: |
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| I stay quiet and I don't say much. I don't annoy too many people that way. |
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Averick
Calculateurre of Chaos
Joined: Mar 06, 2007
Age: 29
Posts: 2127
Location: in the trenches..
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 11:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Using a lot of tact, and maybe that means not saying anything. |
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