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MissConstrue
~Age of Aquarius~
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 11891
Location: Anywhere but HERE!
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 Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 5:42 pm Post subject: Why do Some Girls Do This?? |
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Ok, been friends with this girl for over 2 years which has been off and on. I'm greatful for her accepting me and my differences on the other hand she can be a real b*tch.
Well now I have lost respect for her because she's dating a guy who is MARRIED!! I know the wife of that particular guy and my friend and I never got along with her so I think that's how she's getting back at her. I've done some mean things myself before but not that low. I don't feel like answering the phone when she calls because it's about HIM anymore. The last guy she was with cheated on her. Ironically, she told me a while back that the first guy chose her over another girl.
I've really lost respect for her and already told her how I feel about it. She thinks she's now in love with him..and he's STILL MARRIED.
I've seen this same crap happen to my sister, when her and my brother in law were together, he had a lot of girls flirt with him even though most of them who were close friends knew he was already taken. Well he did good by not fooling around. I don't exclusively blame the girls because the guys are just as responsible.
Ironically, I was in a position of the opposite. I was dating a guy who was already in a relationship with another girl. I had no idea and when she approached him, I got blamed for his fooling around. She called me slut and whore. So I still have trust issues with guys.
Anyway, why do some girls like to go for guys that are already taken?
Is it some competitive crap they get a kick out of?
I've never understood this at all and it seems girls around my age or younger can be so competitive over one guy that it can get ridiculous. Not to mention most of the girls I've seen are very pretty so it looks like they could go for any guy if they wanted.... 
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Oh you can't help that. We're all mad here.
__Cheshire
6thSin:Envy |
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Anemone
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 790
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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Because a bird in the hand might turn out to be a real bird in the hand?
Because when you're hungry you grab whatever's closest?
Because married men are easier to get along with? Less run down? More confident? |
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LoveableNerd
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 435
Location: Kentucky, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:47 pm Post subject: |
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It's the forbidden fruit. Not too different from the jerk appeal really. In other words, some women are just drama queens who would be bored to death in a healthy relationship. (And yes, there are plenty of drama kings around also...)
_________________
Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.---George Bernard Shaw
8th Cmdmt: Thou Shalt Not Steal. |
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MR_BOGAN
Mysterios Dirty Dancer
Joined: Mar 06, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 2005
Location: The great trailer park in the sky!
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:02 pm Post subject: Re: Why do Some Girls Do This?? |
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| MissConstrue wrote: |
Anyway, why do some girls like to go for guys that are already taken?
Is it some competitive crap they get a kick out of?
I've never understood this at all and it seems girls around my age or younger can be so competitive over one guy that it can get ridiculous. Not to mention most of the girls I've seen are very pretty so it looks like they could go for any guy if they wanted.... |
I've noticed this as well, I remember a flatmate of mine he was always trying to sleep with a friend of his. She only wanted to be friends, as soon as he got another girlfriend, he ended up sleeping with her. 
If you are a male and married or have a girlfriend you are seen as a more successful male. So maybe it makes you more attractive.
Women are big on social status, if a woman has a boyfriend that is really popular with her peers then that will give her more social status maybe and will be good for her self esteem. Maybe if you win a popular guy over your peers it proves that you are more atractive than other women, which is also good for your self esteem. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 8059
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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a married man is safe, because he is married. He has more to lose than the woman dating him does and the thrill is an aphrodisiac.
The thrill is the hiding, the threat of being caught, the adraniline of 'forbidden love' the feeling that she is more than the wife he married.
Rarely does the husband actually leave the wife for the other woman, and if he does, what assurance will the other woman have that he won't do the same to her?
I have watched this little dance for about 30 years and rarely has it ever been more than sorrow and heartbreak and even a bit of mayhem for all concerned. |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 3758
Location: In the basement, with the 'nomalies
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:18 pm Post subject: |
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I think that it's a power trip. Women who have affairs with married men are, as LoveableNerd said, after forbidden fruit, but also because it makes them feel powerful, to hold someone's marriage in their two little hands. They enjoy being clandestine, along with the thrill of possibly getting caught. Even worse, there are some who will cheat with their best girlfriend's husband, getting a sick kick out of seeing if the friend will catch them.
Personally, I wouldn't waste my time in a relationship like that!
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"However gradual it looks from here, look if you like, but you will have to leap." |
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MR_BOGAN
Mysterios Dirty Dancer
Joined: Mar 06, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 2005
Location: The great trailer park in the sky!
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:40 pm Post subject: |
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| sinsboldly wrote: | a married man is safe, because he is married. He has more to lose than the woman dating him does and the thrill is an aphrodisiac.
The thrill is the hiding, the threat of being caught, the adraniline of 'forbidden love' the feeling that she is more than the wife he married.
Rarely does the husband actually leave the wife for the other woman, and if he does, what assurance will the other woman have that he won't do the same to her?
I have watched this little dance for about 30 years and rarely has it ever been more than sorrow and heartbreak and even a bit of mayhem for all concerned. |
If I get cheated on, it's over. If I was married with a wife and kids, the relationship would be over. So it's a bit more than a bit of mayhem to some people.
If you are cheating on someone you shouldn't be with them or you should stay single.
It really does my head in how some people think. |
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sgrannel
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 21, 2008
Posts: 550
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:12 pm Post subject: |
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Anyone who dates a married person is basically sick, and should seek professional assistance for their character issues and inability to handle a healthy relationship. Don't feel bad if you project as offering the possibility of a healthy relationship and someone turns you down because of it.
Some people are turned off when you tell them you don't smoke, or imply that you want commitment and that you haven't caught any diseases and haven't worn out your ability to bond strongly. Maybe this raises the stakes too high, and they know they can't offer the same in return. However that doesn't mean these things should be kept hidden, because displaying them will repel people who don't want or can't handle a complete, healthy relationship, and those aren't the ones we should be looking for anyway.
I guess some women are willing to share a man because they don't feel worthy of an entire man. They must equate their own entire value to a fraction of another person.
_________________
You should get to know me better. No one's ever what they seem.-- Shirley Manson |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 8059
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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| sgrannel wrote: | Anyone who dates a married person is basically sick, and should seek professional assistance for their character issues and inability to handle a healthy relationship. Don't feel bad if you project as offering the possibility of a healthy relationship and someone turns you down because of it.
Some people are turned off when you tell them you don't smoke, or imply that you want commitment and that you haven't caught any diseases and haven't worn out your ability to bond strongly. Maybe this raises the stakes too high, and they know they can't offer the same in return. However that doesn't mean these things should be kept hidden, because displaying them will repel people who don't want or can't handle a complete, healthy relationship, and those aren't the ones we should be looking for anyway.
I guess some women are willing to share a man because they don't feel worthy of an entire man. They must equate their own entire value to a fraction of another person. |
Well, I don't see this one man, one woman stuff hardwired by anything else but a agricultural society that dictated the land stay in the family and the inheritance come down the right uterus from the right sperm. After all, the pillar of society in Tibet is a man and his brothers who all married the same woman, because she could only have one (or two, perhaps) children a year and then the population was curtailed and a farm would not be split up in inheritance.
I personally don't have a problem with 'sharing a man.' I have lived in polygamous households before and it was quite cozy, easy on the housekeeping and child rearing and since it was not forced upon me, it was my choice. But we knew it going in. We didn't just have to deal with it AFTER THE FACT.
My mother had two husbands in the same house at the same time for 22 years. There were two children from that union. When they all passed on my brother had them cremated and all their ashes were strewn over the the top of Marshall Pass in Colorado, where they all loved to go for vacation.
So the idea that there is only one man and one woman and you can only love but one person (If that were true, then you could only have one child because you couldn't love them all!)
Any way. There is not just one way to live - but if you are going to go by ONE SET OF RULES and buy into that culture, then play by the rules. It is honor that matters, not who you love.
Merle |
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sgrannel
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 21, 2008
Posts: 550
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:42 pm Post subject: |
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OK, I agree. The problem is with breaching contracts and people not keeping their word. Polygamous relationships would be OK as long as all the people involved are healthy and the formation is closed so nobody will catch any diseases, and all participants know and agree to the terms before going into it.
But in the context marriage, the sneaking around, diversion of emotional and material resources, uncertainty of paternity (depends on situation), violation of someone's trust and the inability to develop the relationship any further, make dating a married person problematic (usually).
_________________
You should get to know me better. No one's ever what they seem.-- Shirley Manson |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 8059
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:51 pm Post subject: |
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| sgrannel wrote: | OK, I agree. The problem is with breaching contracts and people not keeping their word. Polygamous relationships would be OK as long as all the people involved are healthy and the formation is closed so nobody will catch any diseases, and all participants know and agree to the terms before going into it.
But in the context marriage, the sneaking around, diversion of emotional and material resources, uncertainty of paternity (depends on situation), violation of someone's trust and the inability to develop the relationship any further, make dating a married person problematic (usually). |
I agree, that is why they call it 'adultery' because you 'dilute' the original relationship. |
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MR_BOGAN
Mysterios Dirty Dancer
Joined: Mar 06, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 2005
Location: The great trailer park in the sky!
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 11:22 pm Post subject: |
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| sinsboldly wrote: |
So the idea that there is only one man and one woman and you can only love but one person (If that were true, then you could only have one child because you couldn't love them all!)
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Sorry but for me the idea of only loving one woman is true. You can also love all your children as well.
So speak for yourself. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 8059
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:38 am Post subject: |
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| MR_BOGAN wrote: | | sinsboldly wrote: |
So the idea that there is only one man and one woman and you can only love but one person (If that were true, then you could only have one child because you couldn't love them all!)
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Sorry but for me the idea of only loving one woman is true. You can also love all your children as well.
So speak for yourself. |
I was, just because it is true for you, it doesn't make it true for everyone. I am just one of those 'everyones'.
Merle |
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MR_BOGAN
Mysterios Dirty Dancer
Joined: Mar 06, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 2005
Location: The great trailer park in the sky!
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:43 am Post subject: |
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| sinsboldly wrote: | | MR_BOGAN wrote: | | sinsboldly wrote: |
So the idea that there is only one man and one woman and you can only love but one person (If that were true, then you could only have one child because you couldn't love them all!)
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Sorry but for me the idea of only loving one woman is true. You can also love all your children as well.
So speak for yourself. |
I was, just because it is true for you, it doesn't make it true for everyone. I am just one of those 'everyones'.
Merle |
Yeah, I wish people that are not in for a relationship with one person would just be honest about it and have an open relationship or something. I don't see any problem with it if you be upfront about it from the beginning. |
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lisa81
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 07, 2008
Posts: 636
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:50 am Post subject: |
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| yuck.... once they deal with married folks.... no class and self respect for themselves and others |
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