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rekoil
Sea Gull
Joined: May 30, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 224
Location: playing in the sandbox
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 Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 2:18 pm Post subject: How am I supposed to feel in this situation? |
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The man who molested me for years when I was young is going to jail. I realized a few years ago that I'm permanently messed up because of it, but at the same time decided to put it out of my mind and just be done with dealing with it. I had never told anybody about what he did to me. Then when I heard about him again everything came rushing to the front again. I've talked with my wife and my mother. I've told all that needed to be told and said all I can say. The thing is, I don't know how I feel about it all. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Any guesses?
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lelia
Pika
Joined: Apr 12, 2007
Age: 56
Posts: 1497
Location: Vancouver not BC, Washington not DC
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| Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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| No one can tell you how you are supposed to feel. There is only how you do feel. It would be good perhaps for you to see a counselor who often deals with PTSD. That way no one you know or who knows you will ever know what you said. |
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finrod
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 08, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 69
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 4:42 pm Post subject: Re: How am I supposed to feel in this situation? |
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| rekoil wrote: | | The man who molested me for years when I was young is going to jail. I realized a few years ago that I'm permanently messed up because of it, but at the same time decided to put it out of my mind and just be done with dealing with it. I had never told anybody about what he did to me. Then when I heard about him again everything came rushing to the front again. I've talked with my wife and my mother. I've told all that needed to be told and said all I can say. The thing is, I don't know how I feel about it all. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Any guesses? |
I've read that such experiences are common. You need to move on and try to get past all this, but thats always far easier said than attempted.
Why don't you consider seeing a therapist a time or too. At the very least, it will give you a safe person to talk to, someone you shouldn't need to second guess about their motives for listening or how their opinion will change when they hear your thoughts |
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tomboy4good
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 15, 2008
Posts: 628
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 10:27 pm Post subject: |
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Glad to hear the perp is being punished! It sounds like you are somewhat numb about what's happened in the past & what's happening now. Maybe you could try journalling about what you're thinking regarding the past & the present? It could be a start. I don't think there's any right or wrong about what you should feel. These things happened to you, & it's your right to feel any way you want to (whether it's anger, sadness, happiness that he's in custody, etc).
I was molested too! Wish I knew what became of the jerk who stole my childhood. But I never knew his real name, & the last I heard, he moved far away. Hopefully he never hurt anyone else again.
Good luck!
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Warsie
OG Balla Representin' Da Souf Sydeeee of Chi-City
Joined: Apr 04, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 1634
Location: Chicago, IL, USA
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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| lelia wrote: | | No one can tell you how you are supposed to feel. |
Thank you. Society tends to influence peoples opinions on how they are supposed to feel significantly-via the courts, psychologists, etc. See the whole "The victim doesn't know she's a victim" quotes and similar.
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rekoil
Sea Gull
Joined: May 30, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 224
Location: playing in the sandbox
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| Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:40 am Post subject: |
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| hartzofspace wrote: |
The healing process for molestation can be unpredictable. Maybe it's too soon to be able to assess how you feel? If telling didn't bring about the catharsis you seem to be seeking, maybe you must explore other avenues to heal, such as journaling, writing angry letters and then burning them, etc. |
| aspiartist wrote: |
It may take more time than you think to really get it behind you. I'm not sure it ever does completely, but I do know those memories do minimize over time. You're still relatively young and have to expect to give it whatever time necessary, but its significance and relevance in your life does fade over time.
I'm sorry you're having to go through any resurfacing of emotions, as a result. I hope eventually you can find some measure of peace that justice in this case has at least been served. I don't know if it can make a difference for you, it certainly doesn't change anything you've already been through, but I think it would have meant something to me if this had been possible. Right now I'm sure it only brings it all back and that can feel overwhelming to be confronted with. Know you're not alone with what you're going through. In time it does fade as you have already seen. |
Those were from the other copy of this post. I didn't realize it went through twice, and didn't get around to fixing it.
I've been to see my chaplain, and he said I did the right thing by talking about it now. I still don't know exactly how I feel about this. It was one of my uncles, and the rest of the family is pretty blown away by the news. Nobody ever suspected anything. He started with me thirteen years ago and apparently only got worse. I want to be happy that he got caught. I want to feel guilty that it took so long and who knows how many other boys got destroyed in the process. I want to feel angry that it happened at all and that my family has to deal with it now. But none of those have come. I could compartmentalize it away again, but I think I would rather resolve it the best I can right now.
Thank you for all the support and wonderful suggestions. I have another appointment with my chaplain, and he might refer me to mental health. I don't know about writing a journal, but it's worth considering. Thanks again.
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aspiartist
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 557
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| Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:59 am Post subject: |
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| rekiol, There's no reason for you to feel responsible for anything pertaining to what this person has done to anyone. You were and are helpless to control that so why should you feel guilty about something you have no power over? I know the head-trip because I've been there. Try your best not to put something upon yourself that doesn't belong. There has been enough of this already. I hope your family supports YOU because that's what you deserve. The perpetrator deserves to be exactly where he is. This is hard for you at so many levels. That's why it has to be boxed off that way for now. Just trust the process you are in. Place no judgement upon yourself for any aspect of how you may deal with it. I hope your family is being supportive to you. I think you're handling everything just as you are supposed to and need to for you. Trust yourself. |
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madderakka
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 23, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 72
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| Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 2:01 am Post subject: |
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| I agree with Lelia that no one can tell you how you are supposed to feel. I don't know if it will happen to you, but my emotions changed quickly-numb, mad, scared, hurt etc. I just wanted you to know in case it happens to you. I am glad you have people you can speak with. I'm guessing from "chaplain" and sandbox that you're military overseas: perhaps your mind is kind of prioritizing right now. It has a bit to think about already and might not get to the new stuff for a bit. Just keep looking after yourself. |
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