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MemberSix
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 10, 2007
Posts: 540
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 Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:44 am Post subject: Prejudged by your facial expression |
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Anyone find that people can initially be fairly hostile towards you, on first meeting - based only on your appearance/physical demeanour ?
I say this because this happens to me quite frequently - but then they get talking to me and their attitude turns round 180 degrees.
People who were first of all quite hostile and antipathetic realise they've incorrectly prejudged me and visibly thaw out within the space of 15 minutes.
It's a weird and disconcerting thing to watch, because it says to me that I'm projecting the wrong demeanour.
Maybe I frighten people or something ?
Either way, it would be great to know what THEY perceive.
A mirror's no good because you need to catch yourself in repose, which unless you happen to unwittingly just isn't happening.
Last edited by MemberSix on Wed Aug 27, 2008 1:21 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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tomamil
What the #$*!?
Joined: May 14, 2007
Posts: 1357
Location: currently Paris, France, but originally Asteroid B612
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:57 am Post subject: |
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show us a photo then 
it doesn't happen to me that often, but when it happens i tend to have a low opinion about that person. it doesn't seem correct to prejudge. and usually i have no opinion about people.
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mac266
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 66
Location: Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 7:07 am Post subject: |
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That's the story of my life, my friend.
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MAC
"Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live, taking the form of readiness to die." -G.K. Chesterton |
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poopylungstuffing
"Ultimate Creative Oddball"
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 4234
Location: not otherwise specified
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:03 am Post subject: |
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Back when my venue was open and I had to be around lots of people all the time, i would frequently get people saying "You look tired"...or "What's wrong?"...etc.... 
annoying...I would often asnwer....."bUt I am not tired"......or..."I am upset because people keep asking me what's wrong"...or soemthign like that...
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MemberSix
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 10, 2007
Posts: 540
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 9:12 am Post subject: |
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| poopylungstuffing wrote: | Back when my venue was open and I had to be around lots of people all the time, i would frequently get people saying "You look tired"...or "What's wrong?"...etc....
annoying...I would often asnwer....."bUt I am not tired"......or..."I am upset because people keep asking me what's wrong"...or soemthign like that... |
I think "What's wrong/what's the matter ?" is actually just in-your-face hostility.
It's a bullying tactic. |
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Apatura
Mimosa pudica
Joined: Jul 25, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 1240
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:16 am Post subject: |
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| I get the "What's wrong?" question constantly. I think I look serious or troubled most of the time. |
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Claradoon
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Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 1330
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:56 am Post subject: |
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I get compliments coming back to me via third parties. "She's so charming!" ... or nice or fun or whatever. It makes me wonder what they expected.
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DanteRF
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 15, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 222
Location: Mars, PA & Slippery Rock University
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:05 am Post subject: |
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| Yes and even when they've known me for awhile. My normal face sometimes apears like a frown, but I just relax all my muscles in my face and thats how it looks. |
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jul
Blue Jay
Joined: Jan 10, 2008
Age: 41
Posts: 75
Location: Los Angeles at night
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:12 am Post subject: |
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I do get the 'are you upset' or 'are you tired' thing. But mostly people tend to just misunderstand whatever it is I say, and that's really frustrating. I feel like I'm not speaking effectively, and I've felt like this all my life -- but I've also felt like I could get over it. I would read a lot, trying to figure it out, took psych classes in college, but I give up on the communication front. I do okay writing -- I do not write like I speak, in fact, I speak completely ineffectively, but my writing works. My presentation physically like how I dress or do my makeup is okay, but as soon as I try to talk, forget it. I lose people. I think it has something to do also with how I carry myself, but I can't seem to get around it. I have tried. I usedto think once I was out of school and working it would be better but it is more of the same. IN fact I think it got worse. I've been so miserable at every job, at every school, in grad school, and in kindergarten! What is the answer? For me, it is staying by myself, reading, studying, and ignoring things at work as much as possible. If that's not an answer, oh well.
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LolaGranola
Snowy Owl
Joined: Aug 11, 2008
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:31 am Post subject: |
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I'm always asked "What's wrong?" and am told that I look tired. On the other hand, I'm often tired. But still, I often find it strange when people you barely know ask personal questions. I also hate back patting. I'm not sensitive to touch, but when people do that to me at work or school, I just can't help but wonder how I look, and in some sense, why they bother. How can they ignore me, and then suddenly "care" about me?
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aspiartist
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 557
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:42 am Post subject: |
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| I experience most of these things too. I'm sort of stone faced in my expression. Wow, I feel like I'm in the company of my own. It's nice, for a moment, to not feel alone. I do stay to myself a lot because people don't seem to know how to take me and because that makes me feel sad, misunderstood and left out. |
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jess162k7
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 19, 2007
Posts: 318
Location: south wales
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:46 am Post subject: |
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yeah my parents are always like "cheer up, anyone would think someones died with a face like that"
and it's like well im not going to smile 24/7 i'd look stupid
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
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PunkyKat
Phoenix
Joined: May 15, 2008
Posts: 696
Location: Twlight Zone
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:46 am Post subject: |
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| People often acused me of smiling in times where a person should not be smiling. Like once in the fourth grade I was supposed to help my best friend at the time with a project. I had trouble explaining things to people so her project came out wrong. When my best friend handed it in the teacher said it was done the wrong way and yelled at me like I had just commited a murder. I had no control of my facial expression at the time and I guess my mouth was in an upward position and the teacher screamed at me that I had no right to be smiling or something like that. |
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aspiartist
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 557
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 12:16 pm Post subject: |
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PunkyKat, I have done many things that are off-beat that way too. And then you have to take the heat for it too!
jess162k7, that is the most adorable cat face expression I have ever seen! |
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jess162k7
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 19, 2007
Posts: 318
Location: south wales
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 12:27 pm Post subject: |
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its sort of like wen you laugh at someone wen their angry(not at you but with something thats really annoyin them and gettin to them) and you can't help laughing, i dont know why, ive done that before
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
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