mds_02
Skank
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 1947
Location: Los Angeles
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 Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 1:52 am Post subject: |
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| BlueMax wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | have you been in therapy to try to work on the underlying issues that prevent you from supporting people? |
I get the impression you really dislike men and speak loudly/often about the unerring nobility of women. If someone says something you don't like, I see you pick them apart mercilessly or close the thread. As a moderator, I find this disturbing and see this as a form of bullying. |
This has not been my experience of her at all. She and I have had plenty of disagreements, most of them involving gender relations in some way. There are a few threads where you'll see us going back and forth for, like, ten pages. She does not pick me apart mercilessly, she just makes me defend my position. Unlike many people here, she is quite good at not letting disagreements turn into personal attacks. And, every time she's dealt with me in her capacity as mod, she's been faultlessly courteous and respectful.
Yes it's true that she seems to have an easier time seeing things from the woman's perspective, and she seems to have an easier time spotting sexism when it's directed at women. Big surprise, she's a woman. But she does not engage in man-bashing, and there have been plenty of times when she's called people out on it. |
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mds_02
Skank
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 1947
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 2:10 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | about employment, what i do is volunteer in the applicable field and thus gain experience. it's like a back door that few people bother to try. also, once i do get a job, even if it is in a non-ideal profession, i make sure to diversify and sign up for opportunities to gain skill in novel areas, which will help me when looking to switch to a new career. |
given that they were comparing sex to employment, I'm not sure your wording was ideal. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 2:26 am Post subject: |
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| BlueMax wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | have you been in therapy to try to work on the underlying issues that prevent you from supporting people? |
I get the impression you really dislike men and speak loudly/often about the unerring nobility of women. If someone says something you don't like, I see you pick them apart mercilessly or close the thread. As a moderator, I find this disturbing and see this as a form of bullying. |
no, i would never say that women are perfect in any way. when i try to make statements about people in general, i make sure it is understood that there are always exceptions.
and i don't generally moderate threads where i am an active participant as it gets too messy.
in terms of male-bashing, i actually just asked someone to edit a post in a thread that was attacking a man (who happens to have non-feminist ideas that i disagree with vehemently, but he deserves the same protection as any other member).
sometimes i do think i should do more public moderation of misandrist posts (instead of privately), so that people can see me taking action. but i'm not trying to make a show of it.  fact is.... we get more reports of misogynistic posts in the subforum than the reverse. if you find that we are missing some man-hating posts, please report them so we can have a look.
of course i pick apart my debate opponents mercilessly. that is a good discussion, and if you consider it bullying you are on the wrong forum. i don't use my mod tools to help with that though.
i would wonder though.... in your opinion have i EVER made an inaccurate statement about women? please point it out to me if it is the case.
(thanks mds_02  )
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 2:31 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | i would wonder though.... in your opinion have i EVER made an inaccurate statement about women? please point it out to me if it is the case. |
You probably have a couple of times, hyperlexian, but more than enough blokes have painted the "nice guy" picture  so it's not like you're some raging feminist, it's just human nature. We can't get it right all the time, but you get it right most of the time!
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 2:33 am Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | i would wonder though.... in your opinion have i EVER made an inaccurate statement about women? please point it out to me if it is the case. |
You probably have a couple of times, hyperlexian, but more than enough blokes have painted the "nice guy" picture so it's not like you're some raging feminist, it's just human nature. We can't get it right all the time, but you get it right most of the time! |
 i wanted him to find at least one post. i am extremely careful to add qualifiers to my statements
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BlueMax
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot...
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 5281
Location: Alberta, Canada
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 2:35 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: |
i would wonder though.... in your opinion have i EVER made an inaccurate statement about women? please point it out to me if it is the case. |
"women are not gold-diggers"? You went to great lengths to defend all women everywhere and condemn men for even considering some women have less than noble intents.
I'm hoping my small cross-section of experiences are only bad examples... |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 2:38 am Post subject: |
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| BlueMax wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: |
i would wonder though.... in your opinion have i EVER made an inaccurate statement about women? please point it out to me if it is the case. |
"women are not gold-diggers"? You went to great lengths to defend all women everywhere and condemn men for even considering some women have less than noble intents.
I'm hoping my small cross-section of experiences are only bad examples... |
i didn't ever say that NO women are gold-diggers. there are always some women who are shallow like that, and i include that information every time i post a rebuttal. you can try again if you want, but i would suggest that you actually FIND a post that you think is inaccurate, because you are not recalling my posts correctly.
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 3:02 am Post subject: |
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| mds_02 wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | about employment, what i do is volunteer in the applicable field and thus gain experience. it's like a back door that few people bother to try. also, once i do get a job, even if it is in a non-ideal profession, i make sure to diversify and sign up for opportunities to gain skill in novel areas, which will help me when looking to switch to a new career. |
given that they were comparing sex to employment, I'm not sure your wording was ideal. |
o lordy i didn't realise. 
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 3:04 am Post subject: |
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| BlueMax wrote: | | I get the impression you really dislike men |
i forgot to address this. HECK NO. men are people, and i love people in general very much. there are exceptions of all sorts that i don't get along with though.
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 5:31 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | BlueMax wrote: | | I get the impression you really dislike men |
i forgot to address this. HECK NO. men are people, and i love people in general very much. there are exceptions of all sorts that i don't get along with though. |
Refuting sexism 'round these parts constitutes hating men.
Ironically misandrist, no?
_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest." |
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spongy
...
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 7409
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 5:56 am Post subject: |
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| Kurgan wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | Kurgan, your post is inconsistent. on another thread you made it clear that you do not want to ever give emotional support to any friends, not just those few that you believe have 'friendzoned' you. however, most people consider that to be part of friendship. very few people behave to the extreme degree that you are wary of. |
I never said that. In a regular friendship, though, you talk about you emotions now and then, when the other person has asked about them and you still do other stuff together. Friendship doesn't mean to ungeatefuly use someone you never talk to normally like a dispenser of sympathy when nobody else wants to listen to your BS. |
Heres a thing that bothers me a lot but I cant change:
You cant define what you are going to do with a friend and just expect the other person to be stick to that at all times. Ive been on friendships where that was what happened and I ended up having to leave them because it wasnt healthy/it was damaging me.
The kind of friendship you expect may sound nice but in my experience it doesnt last for long so I encourage you to try to do some research on what friendship is and try to be more open to meeting people of both genders.
It wont hurt your chances of finding someone since youŽll have a wider social circle and youŽll be out more frequently. |
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Kurgan
I'm always right
Joined: Apr 07, 2012
Age: 24
Posts: 1700
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 7:41 am Post subject: |
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| Vexcalibur wrote: | | Kurgan wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | how does a person lose their dignity by learning to be a good friend? |
Let's say she never wants to hang out, never returns his calls, plays mind games and stuff like that and that the only thing she ever contacts him for is to b.tch about how the guy she's currently sleeping with is leaving the toilet seat up all the time.
A good friend talks about common interests, like ice hockey, what kind of motor oil is good, movies and stuff lik thatand at the same time is willing to do fun stuff (concerts, going to the gym and so on) with you. The guy the unstable girl is currently f.cking is her friend. |
Really though, if you are interested, say so. If she rejects you, there is nothing forcing you to be her friend. Always possible to downgrade someone to "person you know". |
I always do that if a date fails. |
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Kurgan
I'm always right
Joined: Apr 07, 2012
Age: 24
Posts: 1700
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 7:46 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | Kurgan wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | Kurgan, your post is inconsistent. on another thread you made it clear that you do not want to ever give emotional support to any friends, not just those few that you believe have 'friendzoned' you. however, most people consider that to be part of friendship. very few people behave to the extreme degree that you are wary of. |
I never said that. In a regular friendship, though, you talk about you emotions now and then, when the other person has asked about them and you still do other stuff together. Friendship doesn't mean to ungeatefuly use someone you never talk to normally like a dispenser of sympathy when nobody else wants to listen to your BS. |
this was what you said:
| Kurgan wrote: | | Not necessarily. A friend and a girlfriend is not the same. Whereas a girlfriend is someone to share intimate moments and emotions with, friends are someone you fix your car together with, go to the gym with or talk about sports with. |
| Kurgan wrote: | | If all he/she ever does is to contact their victim three times a month to b***h about problems, while never talking about other things, they're not friends. Emotions are something you talk about now and then after the other part has asked about them. |
| Kurgan wrote: | I don't answer the phone and if somebody tries to dump their problems onto me, I just tell them it's not my problem. Thus, I'm nobody's emotional tampon. Again: I don't pay for sex; trying to get someone into bed by being a Sisyphus is paying for sex.
With that being said, there are many insecure (but otherwise fine) men who would pick up the phone. |
| Kurgan wrote: | Friends share their problems a few times and that's it. If one of my true friends started dumping his problems onto me 3-4 times a month and didn't want to have anything to do with me otherwise, I'd tell him to man the f..k up.
For every emotional conversation, there should be a two digit number of conversations about music, sports, cars, movies, tips for development at the gym and so on, i.e. Interesting conversations. THATS what friends are for. |
you made it clear that you only want to offer emotional support to friends when they are also willing to talk about sports and cars and going to the gym to a much higher degree (which you made pretty clear was something your MALE friends are into).
you have a very unusual idea of what constitutes friendship. |
What's wrong with that? If a girl only contacts you to whine and never talk about anything else, you're her emotional tampon.
The few girls I'm really friends with, I treat no different than my male friends. |
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 7:49 am Post subject: |
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| Kurgan wrote: |
What's wrong with that? If a girl only contacts you to whine and never talk about anything else, you're her emotional tampon.
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Yes, but that's quite different from saying friendship is definitionally based on sharing of interests as opposed to emotions.
It's different things to different people, and for many, friendship means emotional support to at least some degree.
_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest." |
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YourMajesty
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 02, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 211
Location: Not in the US
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 11:11 am Post subject: |
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| Just read some random things in the thread, some weren't so nice though. I like nice guys. Some macho seems more like a loser than a nice guy because he puts up a silly act, and I want to feel good around someone, and that'll only work with a nice person. |
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