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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2528
Location: Middle East
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 Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:09 am Post subject: What social cues do you tend to miss? |
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For those of you who, like me, keep trying to socialize and want friends but encounter mostly rejection: are you aware of any areas of difficulty (in getting social cues) that repeat themselves in your interactions and that are causing the problem? I'm not, by the way. I'm only aware that I miss the cue when something is actually allowed nonverbally in spite of it being forbidden explicitly (verbally).
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Keith
Guarding my post here
Joined: Aug 13, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 1012
Location: East Sussex, UK
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:12 am Post subject: |
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| If I know what I miss, then I wouldn't need to post here so I wouldn't miss the social clues |
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IRWEASEL
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 01, 2008
Age: 16
Posts: 29
Location: Forest
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 1:00 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't think I miss anything, I just seem to not pick up stuff as fast as an NT, My brain works slightly slower at proccesing stuff I guess. |
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poopylungstuffing
"Ultimate Creative Oddball"
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 4234
Location: not otherwise specified
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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I really can't put my finger on it.
Some sorta subtext...
Like someone above said..if I knew what it was I wouldn't be missing it...
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Jaysonlee4
Snowy Owl
Joined: Aug 23, 2008
Posts: 138
Location: Colorado
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 1:41 pm Post subject: |
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i dont know. like the first person that replied here if I did know then I wouldnt have the problem?? or maybe i would because even if I knew I wouldnt remember when I needed to?? who knows.
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anna-banana
and yet it moves!
Joined: Aug 31, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 1728
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 2:59 pm Post subject: |
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I know for certain (some people were kind enough to point it out to me ) that I miss when it's my time to say something about myself. I can't count enough how many times people that I tried to have a casual conversatin with ended up saying something like "is that an interrogation or what?" or just going away because I didn't get that its my turn to say something...
it's difficult to tell like, I remember reading somewhere that people like to talk about themselves so if you wanna make friends you should try to find out something about them. that ended up for me looking like I'm interrogating people cause I thought that was what they expected.
in case of good advice I can tell you it only works so far, it's better to stop after 3-4 questions or else they start feeling weird about you, that's pretty much the best lesson I learned as far as socialising goes and I stick to it. |
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shopaholic
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 01, 2007
Posts: 619
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 3:08 pm Post subject: |
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Knowing what the other person expects me to say or do. To me I'm acting "normally", but to them, something is off.
I don't know how to initiate conversations, I don't do the smalltalk thing - well occasionally I remember, but it just seems so ridiculous to ask someone how they are when I only saw them yesterday/last week! |
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Ryn
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 10, 2008
Posts: 429
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 3:16 pm Post subject: |
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As others have said, I'm not sure exactly what I'm missing, though I do know of some problem areas. I do notice that I'm uncertain when it's appropriate to have silence after a conversation and whenm it is not. Personally I can only think of a handful of instances where a silence might be awkward, but to other people I've heard that it's often troubling. I've also noticed that I interrupt people accidentally because I believe they're finished talking, and this happens quite a bit.
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anna-banana
and yet it moves!
Joined: Aug 31, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 1728
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 3:18 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="Ryn"
I've also noticed that I interrupt people accidentally because I believe they're finished talking, and this happens quite a bit.[/quote]
happens all the time, especially on the phone ;p |
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AGMorehouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 01, 2008
Age: 21
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Location: Wouldn't you like to know you stalker
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 3:30 pm Post subject: |
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Happens a lot- people look down when they are not interested kind of thing.
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Aurore
Dingo Lycanthrope
Joined: Dec 07, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 1192
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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I can't tell when they're not interested or when to stop talking.
I also can't tell the difference between someone feeling depressed and someone being frustrated with me.
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Angnix
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 02, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 456
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:45 pm Post subject: |
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When to jump in on a conversation. I'll be with a large group of people and they all cluster into smaller groups to talk, I don't know which group to join or how to join in very well, so I end up sitting by myself in the corner. Does this sound Aspie?
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ghouna
Toucan
Joined: Jul 15, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 254
Location: London UK
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:52 pm Post subject: |
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I don t when to stop talking.
Also i took a course last year about childcare. I was teasing a lot my tutor without realising it. I am not english. Spelling is important for me in french. and when i saw my tutor spelling wrongly some words, i started teasing her.. I never realised that she was getting upset.
Last january, she told me that i am very hurtful when i talk, that i should be more careful, that i am very stubborn (well, i had obsession about spelling for example, and i needed it to be perfect. and was always trying to correct her, and never leave it, until i could see that on the whiteboard everything was perfect) (funny thing, my spelling is not good when i write with a computer)
SO now, i need to work on that, know when i upset people, know when i should stop talking... But how?
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anna-banana
and yet it moves!
Joined: Aug 31, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 1728
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:55 pm Post subject: |
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| ghouna wrote: | | (well, i had obsession about spelling for example, and i needed it to be perfect. and was always trying to correct her, and never leave it, until i could see that on the whiteboard everything was perfect) |
LOL that sounds very familiar, I always correct everyone with it, when I hear someone on the tv or radio saying something wrong I cover my ears and go all bleeeeaaaaah which all my friends find extremely funny.
I make language mistakes all the time but it's not irritating when I do it ;p |
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ghouna
Toucan
Joined: Jul 15, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 254
Location: London UK
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:59 pm Post subject: |
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Yes my mistakes are ok! ;p i've got a terrible handwriting, but my spelling is good. When i dont know a word, i started to stress a lot until i found out the right way to write it.
I love to correct people¬ 
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