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nlc
Butterfly
Joined: Mar 28, 2007
Posts: 13
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 Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:08 am Post subject: If you could give one piece of advice to..... |
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a parent who's child is on the spectrum or a teacher who has a student with autism or asperger's, what would that advice be?
Thanks in advance for responding! |
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demoluca
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 17, 2007
Posts: 581
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:10 am Post subject: |
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LISTEN, and for Christ sakes, don't ask them to 'look me in the eye!'.
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UndercoverAlien
to fast to alien
Joined: Aug 11, 2008
Posts: 1072
Location: please tell me
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:11 am Post subject: |
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^
lol so true
uhm...if your the mother then i would suggest trusting your kid and dont tell hem that he causes nothing then trouble or stuff like that |
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blueroses
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 11, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 64
Location: PA, USA
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:42 am Post subject: |
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LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN!
It takes some patience and an open mind is a prerequisite, but I think it's incredibly important. Besides being someone dx'd with Asperger's, I'm also a social worker who works with people with disabilities. From what I've seen, the families with the best dynamics are ones where people try to listen to each other respectfully.
I mean this about everyone on the spectrum, too. We ALL communicate, including nonverbal folks who may not do it in a 'mainstream' way. (For example, stimming isn't just a weird mannerism--it's a self-soothing behavior that can often mean a person is experiencing anxiety or overstimulation). Rarely is a behavior just a random thing. It's often symbolic communication. Sometimes you have to look for patterns in people's behavior and piece it together.
There are great autobiographies written by people on the spectrum that provide good background information to help you listen with a skilled ear. I think it's absolutely necessary to be able to take the abstract, clinical understanding of autism that teachers or therapists may learn in college or elsewhere and pair that with the first-hand experiences of someone actually living with an ASD.
This takes a frightening, mysterious 'disease' and makes it seem more human and easy to relate to. There are too many people, professionals and family members included, who do not see humans with autism in human terms! Hence the cute little alien motif on this website, I guess. 
Thanks for making an effort to listen to us here! I wish more people would. |
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tomamil
What the #$*!?
Joined: May 14, 2007
Posts: 1357
Location: currently Paris, France, but originally Asteroid B612
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:46 am Post subject: |
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read about it, educate yourself, get to know about it as much as you can to understand the kid...
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Timeo hominem unius libri, I fear the man of one book, St. Thomas Aquinas. |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2528
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 10:44 am Post subject: |
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Don't raise them in the "If you tried harder" guilt and shame.
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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Ryn
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 10, 2008
Posts: 429
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 11:16 am Post subject: |
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As others have said, listening is very important. So many people here, myself included, have been scolded or ridiculed for sensory and social problems that aren't our fault.
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"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."--Augusten Burroughs |
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lionesss
The Queen of not your typical kind of jungle
Joined: Aug 22, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 1013
Location: not anywhere near you
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 11:23 am Post subject: |
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read and listen!! Can't stress that enough
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I was told that I have PDD-NOS and ADHD- in other words, mild AS with a history of speech delay. I personally think its best to say that I am just plain under the spectrum! |
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UndercoverAlien
to fast to alien
Joined: Aug 11, 2008
Posts: 1072
Location: please tell me
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 11:23 am Post subject: |
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| maybe give your kid martial arts lessons seems to make people happy'er |
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tomamil
What the #$*!?
Joined: May 14, 2007
Posts: 1357
Location: currently Paris, France, but originally Asteroid B612
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 11:30 am Post subject: |
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| UndercoverAlien wrote: | | maybe give your kid martial arts lessons seems to make people happy'er |
yeah, that's a good one, gives you some confidence..
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Timeo hominem unius libri, I fear the man of one book, St. Thomas Aquinas. |
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Juniperberrygirl
Raven
Joined: May 11, 2008
Posts: 100
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 11:49 am Post subject: |
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I agree, listening is really important and respect.
Martial arts are good for confidence too (I agree), though one that focuses on the mental as well as the physical (I found to be good from my personal experience).
Listening, respect and making sure they know that they are loved is most important for a parent of a spectrum child.
For a teacher; listening and respect and keeping a eye out for possible bulling.
Also, the child may not communicate the same way as an NT but this will not stop them from having a good life. I have met people with spouses and kids (on specrum and with partners), I myself have a boyfriend.
Last edited by Juniperberrygirl on Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:40 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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ChristinaCSB
Toucan
Joined: Jul 23, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 263
Location: Lakewood, Ohio
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Remember that even though aspies don't always understand other people's feelings doesn't mean we don't have feelings towards others! |
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BATFAN1106
Hummingbird
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Joined: Sep 02, 2008
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 12:24 pm Post subject: If you could give one piece of advice to..... |
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some parents or teachers dont notice aspergas untill they are diognosed. but ill give a list of things to look for.
1 Might have trouble with maths because sometimes its hard to imagine and work things out. Have patience and work with that person.
2 can develop obbsetions this is the key thing to look for they might talk about someting all the time. Sometimes a obbsetion can be quite bad est.horror,anime. But if its like this give them time out in a spare room to bond with the intrest because that part can be really serious espitually in school.
3 Really sensitive to really loud noisy places. Some times in school they dont like the cafeteria because to many people and its really loud. But if this is the case ask that person do they want to eat somewhere quiet. Its really nice for that person and the teacher.
4 Routine this is really big for someone with aspergas. If they have had time off school or any big arrangements beeing made. Then its the end of the world for that person. Best thing is explain say high school tommorow prapare them. example watching tv on a sofa. They want to sit there everynight.
5 food obbsetions. Now its really hard for some parents they worry if a child is eating the same thing chips for lunch and supper. Aspergas kids love the same foods and this is alright aslong as they try other things. but dont stress that person because chaos could happen.
6 some kids with aspergas are sensitive to surtain objects not to sure but if they scream they dont like touching something well its part of there condition. it might sound stupid to a teacher that that child is having a tantrume well dont understand that person.
well that is mostly everything to now on aspergas all this is hard to understand but try all these will happen so be aware. Teachers advice if you are a teacher be aware of these things if we all do these thigs the child will be carm and the parent hope this is helpful cause it helped me. |
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KingdomOfRats
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 2675
Location: Manchester
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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-treat them as they are,and not what want them to be-dont over or under expect of them.
-dont let them know if are comparing them to own non autistic children if have any,dont treat them any lesser or better than the other children,and not tell them why cant they be like the other child or that they are a burden.
-if the child is severely affected and are struggling to care for them,dont take it out on them,and if this becomes an need,dont talk about childrens home placement around them,it can cause 'regression',never assume child doesn't understand language just because they're non verbal/speech impaired,as language impairment is a different problem to speech impairment.
-give them as much chance to communicate as possible,whether it's through voice,if able-or teach them through other means-text to speech programs,makaton,BSL/ASL,PECS etc. and watch their behavior as they will be using it to communicate,what may think is ignoring,violence,attention seeking etc may be them communicating.
-make sure they know they have a stable home and family and even if it isnt,try not to let it show around them.
-if they're very young,get a pet such as a cat or dog-autists are well known for connecting to animals even if are completely disconnected to humans, if are unable to have a pet-try a organisation like PAT [pets as therapy] instead.
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["Even through the darkest days, this fire burns...always"-Killswitch Engage]
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zghost
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 29, 2007
Posts: 767
Location: Southeast Texas
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 12:43 pm Post subject: |
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Ask questions in the true/ false or yes/ no format. These are a lot easier to answer than the vague "essay" questions.
Ask me right out, I can answer. Ask me to just tell you in general, it's a lot hader.
(I'm not talking about schoolwork, just conversation, when you need to know something or are wondering about something.) |
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