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annie2
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 18, 2007
Posts: 345
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 Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 3:42 am Post subject: 8yr old boy dramas |
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My AS son turned 8 this year. Prior to this he was pretty much under the radar and occasionally highly strung as well as a bit quirky. Now he appears to have a lot more AS issues to contend with, including increased meltdowns.
I went to an autism course the other day and the speaker said that at 8 yrs old, boys get a testosterone boost, which can really unsettle AS kids. I am thinking this could explain my son's recent behaviour. Has anyone else experienced this with their son, and did it eventually settle down somewhat? (Please, please, please tell me that it did!) I've heard puberty is also a bad time. |
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tomamil
What the #$*!?
Joined: May 14, 2007
Posts: 1357
Location: currently Paris, France, but originally Asteroid B612
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| Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 4:08 am Post subject: |
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my puberty was very different from the other kids. while others used to go out, hung out together, caused a lot of problems, smoked and got drunk, i closed myself from the outside world more than before. my mom paid me to spend some time outside, so i went to read a book in woods. i had got paid for hours spent out 
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Timeo hominem unius libri, I fear the man of one book, St. Thomas Aquinas. |
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consmom
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 28, 2008
Posts: 29
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| Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 7:03 am Post subject: |
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| My som is 9, I don't think it got bad when he turned 8. My son isn't even 50 pounds yet maybe his small size will make him a late bloomer. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2398
Location: new england
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| Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 10:40 am Post subject: |
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| we had less problems with son at age 8 than we did with son at ages 13-15......middle school years were, unfortunately, atrocious. |
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Neen
Emu Egg
Joined: Sep 05, 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 8:37 pm Post subject: SOUNDS ALL TOO FAMILIAR |
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| Our son is also 8 years old and the meltdowns are especially hideous. I'm no help to you, unfortunately, but I can assure you that you are not alone!! Have you also had trouble with the sleep med's not working as well lately? Nice to meet you and sorry I can't offer more than a nod your way! ~Jeanine |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 1251
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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Things have tended to get easier, get harder, get easier, get harder with my son. I've never given that much thought to why, I've just dealt with it. Find the new triggers, find new self-calming techniques, call a special IEP or two, add a counseling group for a while. Kids don't mature in a straight line. But I do know it can be really rough. We're in a good space with my son right now, I'm sure it's the calm before the storm (he's 11), so I'm just going to enjoy for a while.
OK, I'm not sure the above is much help but maybe this will be: do your best to get at the source, and know that the pendulum always swings in the other direction again. When you need it most, somehow things will improve.
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aspergian_mutant
Learning to Walk
Joined: Oct 28, 2004
Posts: 1486
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| Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 11:06 pm Post subject: |
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Be in control but Let him think he is getting his way,
give him a little more freedom to express his self creatively. |
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annie2
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 18, 2007
Posts: 345
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 1:25 am Post subject: |
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| aspergian_mutant wrote: | Be in control but Let him think he is getting his way,
give him a little more freedom to express his self creatively. |
I can see this is a need, but how do you do it without him ruling the roost? How do you balance both being in control and letting him think he is getting his way? Freedom to express creatively - do you mean art, self-inquiry etc? |
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aspergian_mutant
Learning to Walk
Joined: Oct 28, 2004
Posts: 1486
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 1:36 am Post subject: |
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Your the parent.
choose your selections of what you want the child to pick from,
be it objects, time spent, places the child can go, let the child feel he has some control over his life and choices.
The child does not necessarily need to realize your the one making the choices for him.
find things he likes and would be interested in, try and keep it simple yet developmental.
but one thing is a must, keep control of the time, have a set amount of time he may spend doing such activities.
always let him know your the boss, be supportive yet open.
but most of all, keep in mind this child is also a person and your his friend as well as parent. |
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aspergian_mutant
Learning to Walk
Joined: Oct 28, 2004
Posts: 1486
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 1:38 am Post subject: |
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Your the parent.
choose your selections of what you want the child to pick from,
be it objects, time spent, places the child can go, games, let the child feel he has some control over his life and choices.
The child does not necessarily need to realize your the one making the choices for him.
find things he likes and would be interested in, try and keep it simple yet developmental.
but one thing is a must, keep control of the time, have a set amount of time he may spend doing such activities.
always let him know your the boss, be supportive yet open.
but most of all, keep in mind this child is also a person and your his friend as well as parent. |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 1251
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 3:38 am Post subject: |
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I've found my son's need to control is directly related to the level of stress he is feeling. The crazier the world feels to him at a moment, the less secure he is, the more he insists on control. If you can help him through that less of confusion, you also help him let go of the need. When I see my son getting rigid about things, I take it as a warning sign that something is up with him, and try to be proactive about mitigating the stress factors.
It's a really imperfect effort, of course. But I've had a lot of success this way, at getting to the root of things that are changing with him.
As him and I have discussed, he simply can not be in control of everything; you find peace when you can let go. We talk a lot about learning flexibility, while trying to establish predictability with and giving him control over aspects of his life where that option exists. I think Aspies find comfort in control, it's feeling confused by so much else around them that drives them to need it.
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annie2
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 18, 2007
Posts: 345
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 5:48 am Post subject: Re: SOUNDS ALL TOO FAMILIAR |
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| Neen wrote: | | Our son is also 8 years old and the meltdowns are especially hideous. I'm no help to you, unfortunately, but I can assure you that you are not alone!! Have you also had trouble with the sleep med's not working as well lately? Nice to meet you and sorry I can't offer more than a nod your way! ~Jeanine |
Well, I wouldn't say you're no help, as it certainly helps to know that others are dealing with similar issues. We have had a meltdown escalation profile done at school and it has been extremely helpful to recognise the stages of escalation. I wish my son wasn't agitated so much of the time - first, for his own sake, and also for others. We can now recognise the stages of escalation, but the strategies for disengagement are much more of a guessing game.
Regarding sleep meds . . . fortunately my son doesn't need them. He goes to bed between 8-8.30pm and will be asleep within half an hour. He will sleep for 10-11 hours, and is often like a sleepy teenager to get into action.
Thanks for your post.  |
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annie2
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 18, 2007
Posts: 345
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 5:54 am Post subject: |
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| DW_a_mom wrote: | Things have tended to get easier, get harder, get easier, get harder with my son. I've never given that much thought to why, I've just dealt with it. Find the new triggers, find new self-calming techniques, call a special IEP or two, add a counseling group for a while. Kids don't mature in a straight line. But I do know it can be really rough. We're in a good space with my son right now, I'm sure it's the calm before the storm (he's 11), so I'm just going to enjoy for a while.
OK, I'm not sure the above is much help but maybe this will be: do your best to get at the source, and know that the pendulum always swings in the other direction again. When you need it most, somehow things will improve. |
Thank you - that gave me some hope. I just hope the pendulum swings soon. I would be interested in what self-calming techniques you teach your son, as I think this is an area that I need to do some work on? |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 1251
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 3:18 pm Post subject: |
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My son has sort of picked his own self-calming techniques, and it was more a matter of me recognizing that this is what they were. Right now, for example. He is crossed the room, making noises, bumping in to my chair, etc. "Pacing." We used to try to stop it, given that it is destructive towards the furniture and really annoying to us. Then we experimented with allowing it. And, like magic, his moods got better.
What is harder for kids to learn is when they are headed towards a melt-down, so that they can enter into a self-calming process. If it's sensory overload, removing themselves from the situation is good. If it's just overall stress, something like pacing works.
I know that is kind of sketchy information, but I have a work deadline I need to get back to. Hopefully it helps a little.
I remembered the other night, btw, that it was at 8 or 9 that we got so worried we actually talked about medication. Instead, we found a nice group for my son to go to, and that extra bit of talking seemed to help. Sometimes kids need to hear suggestions from a person other than a parent, and the group provided that.
And, yes, it WILL get better. Keep your cool, get to the sources.
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