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OregonBecky
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Joined: Oct 01, 2007
Age: 54
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 Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 2:34 pm Post subject: Forced Awareness Hurts Too Much |
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I think it's often dangerous to train autism spectrum people to be more aware in the way NTs want them to be. I'm hyper aware and can't turn it off so I feel horrible anxiety all the time. My aspy sister said she was always wishing she could be aware more like me because when she needed to understand things, she ask me to explain it. Now she says she thinks she's the lucky one because her spaciness about NTs might make her look more weird that I do but she feels safer from anxiety, shielded within her own world.
Maybe I expressed this badly but I hope you all know what I mean.
I'm raising my aspy/HFA/whatever son with an awareness of how overwhelming trying to have enough awareness to the the NT dance steps can backfire.
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UndercoverAlien
to fast to alien
Joined: Aug 11, 2008
Posts: 1072
Location: please tell me
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 2:44 pm Post subject: |
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like i once said put a dog and a cat in one house with 20 dogs that force the cat to be like them
i think its an abusive behavior to force us to be like an NT its not like whe have it easy or something |
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Dasha
Blue Jay
Joined: Jan 09, 2008
Posts: 89
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 2:48 pm Post subject: |
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| UndercoverAlien wrote: | like i once said put a dog and a cat in one house with 20 dogs that force the cat to be like them
i think its an abusive behavior to force us to be like an NT its not like whe have it easy or something |
I've seen dogs that act like cats because they are around cats all day. I've seen cats that act like humans because they have no feline contact. If you put a cat in a house with 20 dogs from the time its a kitten it likely will never realize that it isn't a dog.
I think its only dangerous to train autism spectrum people to be like NTs if you only train the outside. If you also train the inside, you won't run into the problem of not being able to turn of your awareness. It will be hard at first but will get easier with practice |
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OregonBecky
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Joined: Oct 01, 2007
Age: 54
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Dasha wrote: | | UndercoverAlien wrote: | like i once said put a dog and a cat in one house with 20 dogs that force the cat to be like them
i think its an abusive behavior to force us to be like an NT its not like whe have it easy or something |
I've seen dogs that act like cats because they are around cats all day. I've seen cats that act like humans because they have no feline contact. If you put a cat in a house with 20 dogs from the time its a kitten it likely will never realize that it isn't a dog.
I think its only dangerous to train autism spectrum people to be like NTs if you only train the outside. If you also train the inside, you won't run into the problem of not being able to turn of your awareness. It will be hard at first but will get easier with practice |
My temperament can't be changed except marginally. It took me years to realize this. Maybe it works for you and that's good.
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Sora
Love all, trust a few
Joined: Sep 16, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 2854
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 3:19 pm Post subject: |
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It's very individual. People don't consider that not every person reacts the same as another person.
For me, the taught knowledge and thus hyper awareness does wonders and adds to my health and well-being in everyday life. For you, you said it's decreasing your health, because it makes you anxious and probably stresses you. I know that there are many more people who feel like me, like you or like anyone far exceeding us or in-between.
But I rarely ever see people considering that they can't just demand the very same from everyone or teach them the same in the same way as somebody else!
The answer is often 'well, then do not teach him/her that solution/fact.' But I think that's just not the right.
That would be like wanting to teach a cat to make a sound and then teach it to bark.
The answer should be 'so when and how do we teach him/her to handle the problem/improve their tools to function'. Starting with what this particular person can already do, has trouble with and wants to learn.
So teaching a cat to make a sound would only work by trying to find out how that learning-area of the cat works... to get it to meow.
Or snarl. Some cats only ever snarl hehe So yeah, I'm half-barking by the way. I think it's dumb to act only by autistic rules. It's equally dumb to my mind to act only by non-autistic rules.
I act by my rules. I'm one of the quite original cats who snarl, if I were to speak metaphorically.
Point is, I can't very well go into class and try to teach every kid by the use of the same strategy. The outcome would be disastrous. Same goes for every person of every age.
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The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett |
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donkey
we have met the enemy, he is us.
Joined: May 22, 2006
Age: 37
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Location: ireland
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 3:23 pm Post subject: |
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ahhhh i once learned a life truth that changed my outlook more than marginally.
normal for me is AS.
i use to think that normal for me was NT.........the anxiety that caused me was great.
the relief knowing i could be AS but still try and act non-As/NT to get by allowed me closure and acceptance of being AS.
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Paperplate
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 29, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 168
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 3:36 pm Post subject: |
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Yes too much pressure can backfire on an already overloaded brain. I was forced to do/behave everything that the world expects me to. A child needs to know its ok to be different in order to get a sense of self.
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2528
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 3:51 pm Post subject: |
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I desperately try all the time to be alert to the social cues. This is not only maddening but also futile. My brain just isn't wired to get those cues, however much I try to absorb the body language, the words, the unsaid, etc. I do it irrationally, out of a desperate desire not to be fired once again, not to be rejected as always, etc. But it's truly painful.
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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lionesss
The Queen of not your typical kind of jungle
Joined: Aug 22, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 1013
Location: not anywhere near you
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 3:52 pm Post subject: |
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I agree, too much awareness is never a good thing, for anyone. We need to be aware enough to function in this crazy world but other than that, it's not necessary.
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I was told that I have PDD-NOS and ADHD- in other words, mild AS with a history of speech delay. I personally think its best to say that I am just plain under the spectrum! |
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ChristinaCSB
Toucan
Joined: Jul 23, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 263
Location: Lakewood, Ohio
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 4:02 pm Post subject: |
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| I have this problem, I'm too aware and I hate it. |
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ShawnWilliam
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Joined: Aug 27, 2008
Posts: 1462
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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| OregonBecky wrote: | | Dasha wrote: | | UndercoverAlien wrote: | like i once said put a dog and a cat in one house with 20 dogs that force the cat to be like them
i think its an abusive behavior to force us to be like an NT its not like whe have it easy or something |
I've seen dogs that act like cats because they are around cats all day. I've seen cats that act like humans because they have no feline contact. If you put a cat in a house with 20 dogs from the time its a kitten it likely will never realize that it isn't a dog.
I think its only dangerous to train autism spectrum people to be like NTs if you only train the outside. If you also train the inside, you won't run into the problem of not being able to turn of your awareness. It will be hard at first but will get easier with practice |
My temperament can't be changed except marginally. It took me years to realize this. Maybe it works for you and that's good. |
When you become an adult around the age of 18 to 21, that's that's the personality you will harbour for the rest of your life given no serious therapy.. which is why kids get off a lot easier for crimes, because they can acually change their ways where as an adult it is much less likely.. but of course anything is possible. |
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anna-banana
and yet it moves!
Joined: Aug 31, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 1728
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 5:42 pm Post subject: |
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| I believe my aspiesm is very mild and I'm well aware of social cues, it's just that processing it takes a bit more time and sometimes you end up looking silly anyway... |
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Rainstorm5
Tornado Aficionado
Joined: Feb 20, 2008
Posts: 1103
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| Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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| ChristinaCSB wrote: | | I have this problem, I'm too aware and I hate it. |
Same here. I'm hyper-aware and always have been. It's good for some things, but sometimes it gets too much for me to handle. The only reprieve is sleep.
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DentArthurDent
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 693
Location: Ballarat, Australia
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| Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 5:42 pm Post subject: Re: Forced Awareness Hurts Too Much |
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| OregonBecky wrote: | I think it's often dangerous to train autism spectrum people to be more aware in the way NTs want them to be. I'm hyper aware and can't turn it off so I feel horrible anxiety all the time. My aspy sister said she was always wishing she could be aware more like me because when she needed to understand things, she ask me to explain it. Now she says she thinks she's the lucky one because her spaciness about NTs might make her look more weird that I do but she feels safer from anxiety, shielded within her own world.
Maybe I expressed this badly but I hope you all know what I mean.
I'm raising my aspy/HFA/whatever son with an awareness of how overwhelming trying to have enough awareness to the the NT dance steps can backfire. |
Now you have made me think, until I read you comments I was all for forced awareness. I have only been DX a couple of months so I am new to all this, thanks for raising this. BTW you expressed yourself very clearly.
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OregonBecky
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 01, 2007
Age: 54
Posts: 903
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| Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 6:06 pm Post subject: Re: Forced Awareness Hurts Too Much |
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| DentArthurDent wrote: | | OregonBecky wrote: | I think it's often dangerous to train autism spectrum people to be more aware in the way NTs want them to be. I'm hyper aware and can't turn it off so I feel horrible anxiety all the time. My aspy sister said she was always wishing she could be aware more like me because when she needed to understand things, she ask me to explain it. Now she says she thinks she's the lucky one because her spaciness about NTs might make her look more weird that I do but she feels safer from anxiety, shielded within her own world.
Maybe I expressed this badly but I hope you all know what I mean.
I'm raising my aspy/HFA/whatever son with an awareness of how overwhelming trying to have enough awareness to the the NT dance steps can backfire. |
Now you have made me think, until I read you comments I was all for forced awareness. I have only been DX a couple of months so I am new to all this, thanks for raising this. BTW you expressed yourself very clearly. |
Thank you, Arthur Dent. I'm insecure enough that all sincere compliments are like gold and I use them to boost my confidence. And thanks to your friend, Ford Prefect for saving you when the earth was destroyed.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. |
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