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Mutanatia
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 394
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 Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 9:27 pm Post subject: Is she yelling at me or not? |
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My mom and I always have this fight about whether or not my mom is yelling at me. The last fight we had had to do with:
1) She cut me off in mid-sentence
2) Her voice shot up like 10 decibels (I am sensitive to sound)
3) She started speaking a mile a minute
4) SHe disagreed with me
And this happened all before I told her that I didn't want to talk about something.
Additionally, she says she wants the address of this website for one of her friends' friends. Should I give it to her? |
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JerryHatake
Die Hard Mason Fan
Joined: Jul 02, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 9918
Location: Woodbridge, VA
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| Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 11:23 pm Post subject: |
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It happens with my mom a bit and it is not yelling. It is more of trying to help you learn something. I say yes give her the url for WP.
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Mutanatia
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 394
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| Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:09 am Post subject: |
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| But...why does she raise her voice? It hurts my ears sometimes, so surely it must be yelling at me, no? I mean, it's not a full-out yell until I get red in the face sort of yell, but doesn't a sudden, loud noise qualify as a yell? I guess I just don't know how to categorize it? *sigh* |
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Carbonhalo
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Nov 27, 2007
Age: 47
Posts: 190
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 10:48 pm Post subject: |
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This is a problem between my partner & me.
"I'm not yelling... I'm a loud person...Like it or leave"
That 10 dB is enough to shut me down completely.
Unfortunately.. I've been with her so long she's taught me to react to yelling with anger.
Last week we drove home after a doctors visit and she was driving rather aggressively.
We had an argument when we got home... she was yelling and started me doing it.
In my head I knew she had to be scared and needed comforting.. but my body saw her as angry, responded with paralysis, then tripped into anger too.
So I'm frozen... aching to give her a hug... and yelling back. |
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Alycat
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Oct 12, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 66
Location: Birmingham
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:52 am Post subject: |
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I have had this conversation with my mother several times. We get in to a discussion, and she decides that instead of listening to what I'm saying she will talk as well, but louder over the top. I tell her she is shouting at me, and she says she isn't.
Which of us is right?
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makelifehappen
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 05, 2007
Posts: 540
Location: Toronto
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 4:27 am Post subject: |
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hmmm...interesting discussion. We have this issue around here, ALOT!
Everyone of us has auditory sensitivities and processing issues, so we spend time going 'round in circles with this.
One silent person is completely overwhelmed by noise (runs around turning taps, fans, tv's, etc off), the other person trying to speak is also overwhelmed so feels the need to raise their voice above the noise, the 3rd person is angry, annoyed, confused or upset because they think we are shouting (at them or in general) and now toddler (also with sensory issues) spends her days using elevated tones that drive us all mad  ...
Are we yelling?
When my daughter (Also AS) has misunderstood something that has been said, is confused and takes a while to process things, she teeters on the edge of a meltdown when we try to explain what "really" happened and believes we are shouting at her.
I think alot of the time we are most sensitive to noise when we are overwhelmed and then everything is perceived quite differently.
I would argue the point that I wasn't shouting at her and she still swears I have.
When I do get to a meltdown point and shout, it is about the things that are happening and never "at" the people I am with. When all is said and done and I am calm again, I make a special effort to apologize and explain that I was angry at the situation, not the people. *sigh*
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PPParabola
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 07, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 25
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 5:37 am Post subject: |
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| Alycat wrote: | I have had this conversation with my mother several times. We get in to a discussion, and she decides that instead of listening to what I'm saying she will talk as well, but louder over the top. I tell her she is shouting at me, and she says she isn't.
Which of us is right? |
I have been in that situation exactly. I tell mother to stop yelling. She "yells" to me that she isn't yelling! And I get annoyed, because she obviously is yelling but can't notice it herself. If I point it out to her she just gets even louder because she is adamant that she is not yelling. This soon escalates into an argument about why I do not love her anymore.
I have no idea what she thinks she is doing. |
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