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HistoricHomesDR
Butterfly
Joined: Sep 01, 2008
Age: 39
Posts: 10
Location: Knoxville area, Tennessee
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 Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:01 pm Post subject: No such address? |
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I was curious if anyone else shares this odd behavior with me:
For my entire life, I seem to have been unable to address those closest to me by their names/proper titles. I won't say 'Mom' or 'Dad' or 'Fred', 'Wilma' or whomever...not even my wife gets to hear her name escape my lips. If I'm not close to them, I can call them by name (albeit with some degree of discomfort), but friends and family I seem to be almost physically unable to address. The friendlier I get with someone, the more mute I become regarding their moniker.
Consequently, if I want someone's attention, I have to physically go and get them...I can't call out for them by name. I'm sure part of this has to do with my general discomfort in raising my voice, but even in close proximity, I need to find other methods to get their attention...it's not even like I can tap them on the shoulder, as I'm somewhat averse to touching people as well. I usually just have to get in front of their face somehow, or get close enough to say 'Hey', and have them realize I'm trying to get their attention. On the rare occasion that I am forced by circumstances to call someone by name, it is almost unbearably uncomfortable to do so, and as difficult to actually speak as when one has a night terror and wishes to scream, but the body simply won't allow it.
Even at almost 40, this is still an immense challenge.
Then of course, so are lots of other things  |
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KingofKaboom
Naughty by Nature
Joined: Oct 21, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 4058
Location: North Mississippi
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| Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:19 pm Post subject: |
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Not unbelievable I've had troubles that would fit in a similar category but if your looking for a way to stop I'd recommend your wife and her name first b/c she'll be more ok with any oddness until you get used to saying it to her and you can do it all the time. As for the specific issue I've always found it pretty awkward to talk to people but once I know them I dunno I can't relate well.
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 8059
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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sometimes I have such an urge to go and get someone by the hand and bring them to what I want them to look at. Just like a child.
then they will say "what? what is it?, just talk, just talk" and I can't because the more they tell me to, the less I can do it.
and I am always amazed that they can't see it (what I notice immediately), too.
Merle
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Lyriel
Emu Egg
Joined: Sep 13, 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 2:22 am Post subject: |
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You're not the only one; I'm also the same way. I even have trouble saying my own name sometimes. For me, it's nearly the same as maintaining eye contact, the same sort of discomfort when I attempt it (and embarrassment when I fail!). It's especially troubling in close relationships, where not using one's name can be seen as not caring for the person.
It's kinda neat to know of someone who shares that same quirk! I had the same question as you buried deep down. |
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Tim_Tex
WP's Resident Simpsons and South Park Aficionado
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 22319
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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| Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 2:57 am Post subject: |
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Welcome to WP!
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ShadesOfMe
Kivatesavam The Pink Bunnay!
Joined: Jul 01, 2004
Age: 17
Posts: 16102
Location: California....or the cuteness place with One-winged-angel
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| Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 4:08 am Post subject: |
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Hi! I have this problem sometimes. I call my closest family by their names, but my grandmother and grandfather, and aunts and uncles and such i do not address.
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asplanet
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 11, 2007
Posts: 1866
Location: Cyberspace, New Zealand
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| Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 6:49 am Post subject: Re: No such address? |
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| HistoricHomesDR wrote: | I was curious if anyone else shares this odd behavior with me:
For my entire life, I seem to have been unable to address those closest to me by their names/proper titles. |
Hi HistoricHomesDR welcome, something I had not really thought about before, but to be honest always called my parents mum and dad and find even now would be hard for me to call me dad by his real name... just thought this was the same for many people. But then when I think about it, I tend to call my husband dad like my children do and rarely say his name... but think may just be habit... after all we are not good with change.
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Saffy
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 15, 2008
Posts: 230
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 7:02 am Post subject: |
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| Just curious, do you feel comfortable using an endearment rather than the first name ? So calling your wife honey or a short form of her name or something like that ? Rather than having to run around the house to find her ? |
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zeichner
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 11, 2008
Age: 50
Posts: 145
Location: Minneapolis, MN
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| Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:46 am Post subject: |
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For me:
Parents - Mom & Dad
Grandparents/Aunts/Uncles/Cousins - no address
Sisters - no address
Co-workers - their first name
Close friends - no address (with one exception)
The exception is a girl I met in college (we've kept in touch for the last 27 years.) Formal interactions are really important to her - so her e-mails always start off "Dear __" and end "Love, ___" - I just go with it (because she's always been nice to me & I want to treat her the way she wants to be treated.)
Only one of my close friends doesn't address me by my name - or anything - she just starts right in. Maybe that's part of the reason we have always gotten along so well.
I've read that some cultures believe a person's name should be kept private (and only used on ceremonial occasions) - to call someone's name lets the evil spirits know where they are. |
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JetLag
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 08, 2008
Age: 59
Posts: 621
Location: California
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| Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:45 am Post subject: |
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| Welcome to Wrong Planet, HistoricHomesDR. Addressing people by their names is something I'm constantly practicing on and constantly feeling uncomfortable with while practicing. Great to see you aboard WP. |
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HistoricHomesDR
Butterfly
Joined: Sep 01, 2008
Age: 39
Posts: 10
Location: Knoxville area, Tennessee
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 7:17 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks all for the welcomes, advice, and commiseration! I hope in the future to be as helpful to everyone else as you've been to me...social train wreck that I may be  |
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richie
Ye Olde Bookwyrme
Joined: Jan 10, 2007
Age: 50
Posts: 12016
Location: Lake Whoop-Dee-Doo, Pennsylvania
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HistoricHomesDR
Butterfly
Joined: Sep 01, 2008
Age: 39
Posts: 10
Location: Knoxville area, Tennessee
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 10:27 pm Post subject: |
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| KingofKaboom wrote: | | I'd recommend your wife and her name first b/c she'll be more ok with any oddness until you get used to saying it to her and you can do it all the time. As for the specific issue I've always found it pretty awkward to talk to people but once I know them I dunno I can't relate well. |
Good idea! God knows, after 10 years, she must be ok with my oddness.
I still have immense 'brick-wall-hitting' difficulty initiating conversations with strangers (unless it's something trivial like asking a store clerk a question)...but if they talk to me first, I can ramble on...at least for a while.
| Saffy wrote: | | Just curious, do you feel comfortable using an endearment rather than the first name ? So calling your wife honey or a short form of her name or something like that ? Rather than having to run around the house to find her ? |
No, I've never been comfortable with those either...I'll say "goodnight sweetie" upon kissing the wifey goodnight, but only softly. I don't think I could say any of those things out loud without risking swallowing my tongue or something.
| zeichner wrote: |
I've read that some cultures believe a person's name should be kept private (and only used on ceremonial occasions) - to call someone's name lets the evil spirits know where they are. |
Interesting! I've always kind of innately felt the same way...and I too get an uncomfortable feeling from speaking/hearing my own name aloud.
Maybe it's a reincarnation thing...my wife does tell me I often have long conversations in my sleep in a foreign language(fully structured/inflected)...she says it sounds very old, like Aramaic or something. If she asks me questions, I'll stop and answer her in the language!
Just thought you'd enjoy that kooky non-sequitur. (I AM an Aspie, after all...at least I enjoyed it  ). |
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Magliabechi
Raven
Joined: Oct 10, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 120
Location: England
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| Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 6:27 pm Post subject: Re: No such address? |
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| HistoricHomesDR wrote: | | I was curious if anyone else shares this odd behavior with me? |
I have never experienced that particular problem, but welcome to Wrong Planet!
Magliabechi. |
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