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irishwhistle
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Oct 01, 2006
Posts: 198
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 Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:58 pm Post subject: "I've always wanted to be a mom." Seriously? |
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I am a mom, mind you. I am not sorry I am one. I think I stink at it, but I also think they'll get over it, and I try to do my best, and what more can you do? It's a lot better and worse than I expected. The usual. And I still draw and write and use my mind so that when time permits I can continue my stuff, and when they're older I can do still more of it.
But I have been hearing from time to time women saying they've always wanted to be moms ever since they were little. I remember my college roommates saying they used to plan their perfect wedding as girls, and I can only assume those are the ones who always wanted to be moms. I just chalked it down to being at a Christian college, in my Church we tend to run into that sort of thing more. And that's fine for them I guess, but I thought it was odd. I never did that. So when I started hearing more recently the phrase "I've always wanted to be a mom," I was really puzzled. This was just from women on one of those TV nanny shows. And it was more than one. I asked my husband what kind of nut job spends her childhood dreaming of having children of her own and he said he thought that was probably normal.
Well, I don't understand this. He's NT but he's, well, a dude, so he doesn't necessarily know this for sure. Is it an NT thing? Or did I never dream with anticipation of such a huge responsibility because I'm a youngest with and overwhelmed mom who had 9 kids, and there was just no glamour in that? In thinking it over, I never played dolls in the way my daughters do, tending and feeding and the like. I liked the functional miniatures dolls sometimes had and setting them up in miniature arrangements like the real thing. I still collect the nice ones... But I never played baby dolls that I can remember.
But I used to dream of being a writer, artist, ballerina, archaeologist, and dozens of fascinating and exciting careers. I dreamed of meeting my soul mate. But never, ever did I want to be a mom. I dreaded the idea for a long time. And one day I decided to, I'm glad to say. Felt right at the time and turns out it was.
Did any Aspies here always want to be parents?
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"Pack up my head, I'm goin' to Paris!" - P.W. |
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flutter
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 16, 2008
Age: 32
Posts: 442
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 3:13 pm Post subject: |
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I feel an obligation to pass on my genes.
Simply because I think Genes are the property of the species, not the individual.
But would I make a good parent?
I don't know.... I'd try to be nurturing, and I suppose I'd do pretty good at pieces of it, but I have a tendency to assume knowledge in others, and that would probably be detrimental trying to raise a kid.
I do a great job with my nephew, but I only have to deal with him for a day or a weekend at a time, the day in/day out would wear me down fast.
I can definately say I haven't always wanted to be a parent, and that I don't want to be one now, but that I would happily give my sperm to a happy lesbian couple who wanted a child. (While I still have sperm to give).
I would foster older kids, in fact thats kind of the ultimate goal, to foster LGBTQ kids who are in bad family situations to show them that life can be normal. Give them a safe place to flourish and take off from without being shoved in the closet...etc....etc....etc... |
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CityAsylum
Venio. Exeunt omnes.
Joined: Jan 08, 2008
Posts: 3537
Location: NYC
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 3:15 pm Post subject: |
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| irishwhistle wrote: | | Did any Aspies here always want to be parents? |
Nope, I always swore I would never have kids. Now that you mention it, I realize that I never fantasized about it for even a moment as a child, or even as a young adult.
Once I actually decided to have them it was more of an intellectual decision than an emotional one.
Now that have 2 kids, I'm glad I did, even though it's the toughest job there is, as any parent can tell you. I'm completely fine with it, though - possibly it is easier because I DIDN'T fantasize about it, and maybe that's an Aspie thing.
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I'm as puzzled as a newborn child |
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Fnord
Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 3658
Location: Pantopia
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 3:21 pm Post subject: |
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I always wanted to be a Dad, but my idea of "daddy-ness" came from sitcoms from the late 1950s and early 1960s where father knew best, and everyone made room for daddy. I always wanted to be the wise patriarch who could solve the worst cases of childhood, teenage, and spousal angst in 30 minutes with time out for commericals. I also wanted a wife who greeted me at the door dressed like she was ready for a date, with dinner ready and on the table, and who was always gentle and respectful whenever she corrected me. I wanted my kids to be just like those in the Anderson, Cleaver, Lawrence, Nelson, and Williams families - just rebellious enough to think for themselves, yet respectful enough to admit that they were wrong.
... stupid sitcoms ... nothing at all like real life ...
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The leaders of the American automobile industry have been amazingly consistent in their management philosophy, in that they have never missed an opportunity to miss an opportunity. |
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 51
Posts: 2904
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 3:48 pm Post subject: |
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| I decided not to have kids when I was about 13. I'm happy with that. |
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lionesss
The Queen of not your typical kind of jungle
Joined: Aug 22, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 1013
Location: not anywhere near you
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:10 pm Post subject: |
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Actually I did want to have kids even from a young age.. and I admit I thought it was all fun and games (boy I certainly was in another world) but now that I have 2, its far from fun and games. And after having my son who was an exceptionally difficult baby (he is under the spectrum) I had my tubes tied and don't regret it at all. But am I glad I had my kids, definitely! It was nice to have the freedom before I had the kids but I wouldn't trade these times for those times in the world. Funny thing is, my daughter is only 6 and she has already told me that she wants to be a mom. I told her to NOT RUSH INTO IT AND TO ENJOY HER YOUTH LOL! 
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I was told that I have PDD-NOS and ADHD- in other words, mild AS with a history of speech delay. I personally think its best to say that I am just plain under the spectrum! |
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rushfanatic
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 11, 2006
Age: 41
Posts: 460
Location: Lovely Ohio
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:12 pm Post subject: I've always wanted to be a mom...... |
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I married at age 19.Became a mom at 21, have raised 4 children ..It was something that felt so overwhelming, so challenging, and yet, so natural and comforting to me.
Last edited by rushfanatic on Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:37 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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DevonB
Toucan
Joined: Mar 14, 2008
Age: 40
Posts: 262
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:24 pm Post subject: |
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I always wanted to have kids. It was just a given. As a teenager, and into my twenties I wanted children. Yes, having them has been difficult at times, and extremely challenging, but for me it is something that I love. I would have had more if the situation had been right. However, I'm glad that I have my two boys.
I always wanted to foster children as well. Now, as I grow older I don't know if I would do it anymore. I enjoy the free time that has developed as my kids have grown older. I guess I'm selfish that way.
I suppose it's very individual. I am lucky to have the kids that I have, and they know that Mum is different and also gay. They are good kids, and I wouldn't change it for the world. |
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rushfanatic
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 11, 2006
Age: 41
Posts: 460
Location: Lovely Ohio
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:40 pm Post subject: |
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| DevonB wrote: | I always wanted to have kids. It was just a given. As a teenager, and into my twenties I wanted children. Yes, having them has been difficult at times, and extremely challenging, but for me it is something that I love. I would have had more if the situation had been right. However, I'm glad that I have my two boys.
I always wanted to foster children as well. Now, as I grow older I don't know if I would do it anymore. I enjoy the free time that has developed as my kids have grown older. I guess I'm selfish that way.
I suppose it's very individual. I am lucky to have the kids that I have, and they know that Mum is different and also gay. They are good kids, and I wouldn't change it for the world. |
Dear DevonB ,Bless your heart, Motherhood has served you and your children well.. 
Last edited by rushfanatic on Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:41 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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pbcoll
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 15, 2007
Posts: 1799
Location: England
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:40 pm Post subject: |
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I didn't particularly want to have kids (I didn't find the idea revolting, just didn't care for it, and certainly didn't fantasise about it) until I was about 18, ever since I do want to have kids, and I find it's an urge that gets stronger with time, it's stronger than the urge to get married, for example.
I think that most young males don't give it much thought either way, and most young females do, if not fantasise about motherhood, at least expect it.
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I neither take revenge, nor beg for favours. (Rabindranath Tagore)
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka) |
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lionesss
The Queen of not your typical kind of jungle
Joined: Aug 22, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 1013
Location: not anywhere near you
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:58 pm Post subject: |
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| DevonB wrote: |
I always wanted to foster children as well. Now, as I grow older I don't know if I would do it anymore. I enjoy the free time that has developed as my kids have grown older. I guess I'm selfish that way.
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No its not selfish, you need your time. When my kids are older I plan on doing more traveling and I admit I am looking forward to having more free time once my kids are older. As they age you encounter new challenges as old ones die but my gosh.. ANYTHING is better than dealing with colic, teething, 2am feedings, you get the idea.
_________________
I was told that I have PDD-NOS and ADHD- in other words, mild AS with a history of speech delay. I personally think its best to say that I am just plain under the spectrum! |
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claire333
Huh?
Joined: Jun 20, 2008
Posts: 1893
Location: Lost in my own little world.
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 6:25 pm Post subject: |
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I never wanted to be a mom when I was young. In fact, I could never even understand other kid's desire to grow up. They would say...I cannot wait until I'm sixteen...I cannot wait until I'm eighteen...I cannot wait until I am twenty-one. I could have stayed a teenager living with my parents for the rest of my life. I somehow knew growing up was not going to be as great as my peers thought it would be. I knew I had it easy being a kid and wanted to stay that way.
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On with the show...This is it. |
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patternist
Stirring the pot....
Joined: Jul 29, 2008
Age: 35
Posts: 1833
Location: wouldn't you like to know?
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 7:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Oh . I always swore up and down I would never have kids. And now that I do, I feel that I am terrible at it. |
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grinningcat
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 12, 2008
Posts: 146
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 7:47 pm Post subject: Re: "I've always wanted to be a mom." Seriously? |
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I don't understand the appeal of human babies/children, not even when I was a little girl. I knew girls who did nothing BUT fantasize about being a wife (pouring for hours over those bride magazines) and a mother, and I just wondered, is that all there is? I feel perpetually at odds when there is an infant wheeled in to the office - all the other women seem to squeal and squeak about how cute, and dontchajustwantone and I just can't see it. Not to mention, babies scream and kids just have a certain level of noise just being (forget it when they whine and carry on) and it goes through my head like a knife. I don't want to hold them, although occasionally someone shoves one into my arms, but if I can avoid that I will.
Sadly, people just assume I hate kids for this, sigh, (although little kids tend to gather around me for some reason) and I know people wonder what is wrong with me, I get the impression that I have apparently failed as a woman in many women's eyes. To this, however, I thumb my nose, because I don't believe everyone IS cut out to be a parent. I just wish I knew the right answer when a small kid asks me the question the adults are too afraid to ask "why DON'T you have kids?" - in that accusing way they do.
Its funny, I have a very strong need to be protective of some adults in my life, and sometimes "mother" them without meaning to, but I know I wouldn't have the patience to do that 24/7 with a child.
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Those who don't hear the music, think the dancer quite mad.
"I don't speak girl" - Dr. Christina Yang
A locust is a grasshopper with attitude.
A barking dog is bravest in its own yard - Russian Proverb |
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schleppenheimer
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 01, 2006
Posts: 970
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:08 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm NT, and I never initially wanted to be a Mom. Never really enjoyed babysitting, either. But for some odd reason, when it was my time to become a mom, I've enjoyed it totally and have been fascinated with the fact that it's all turned out OK and none of my children are felons (so far). |
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