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lightening020
Raven
Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 118
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 Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 5:49 am Post subject: Growing up......so much hate at school |
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....Alot of people hated me. Every single of them boys. I can't explain any of it, but all I can remember is there have been alot of boys my age that hated me.
It was never so much really bullies, but just other guys my age who just pure straight out hated me, and this added indefinitely my confusion and frustration through life of not picking fights or trying to upset people and yet there was all this hate that came my way.
lwtf does any other guy here have a similar experience? It didn't also help that I was also taller and bigger than that most guys my age so I was definitely a target for aloof behavior. |
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Emoal6
Toucan
Joined: May 16, 2006
Age: 23
Posts: 289
Location: phoenix AZ
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 6:11 am Post subject: |
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bro, 9 out of 10 of us dealt with this same thing. And that 10th kid, was extremely sheltered with parents who paid attention to thier uniqueness as much as thier problems. They were there EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. Most of us didnt get that, ok boss?
I know it sucks, and I know it was hard for you. Im sorry you had to deal with it as well. What you need to take from this is the fact behind the saying "boys will be boys". Remember, just cause they're neurotypical, doesnt mean they're smarter or better behaved. They're just another boy/girl who doesnt know what they're doing or the consequences of thier actions.
Their behavior can be blamed on bad parenting and/or a lack of parenting in general. It can be attributed to the "survival of the fittest" mentality as well. Kids these days are not allowed to be kids. They're forced to learn the cruel reality of the world at earlier and earlier ages. If you dont look good enough, or you dont have a skill that is intresting to the populace, you're worthless. You could have the best heart, the most adaptable brain, and the wisest words, and still be treated like sh** because you dont fit their standards. You could be intriguing and full of deep thought, and it doesnt mean a thing anymore, you're just a "dreamer" to them. |
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lightening020
Raven
Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 118
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 6:33 am Post subject: |
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yea....i just wanted to know if it was the norm for ASDs to have experiences like this.
if it is, then it leads me mor eto beleive that i do have AS. when i post stuff here im looking to find out my similarities and differences with people |
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AngelUndercover
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 03, 2006
Age: 22
Posts: 401
Location: somewhere else
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 7:55 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, it happened to me too. I was relatively well-liked until third grade, when all the other girls got weird - they started wearing makeup and having boyfriends and developing cliques. I wasn't interested, so they turned on me. There was also a group of boys that was pretty vicious towards me.
In sixth grade I moved to a new school (because of the way the school district was set up; only two elementary schools in the district had sixth grade, so everyone from the other schools got funneled to those two), and I made a couple of friends in the first few days... but then I guess they started sensing my aspie-vibes, because they started ignoring me and/or being mean to me. My behavior didn't change, so I'm not sure what happened; either they sensed that I wasn't "one of them," or someone from my old school clued them in.
I started homeschooling halfway through that year (getting away from the other kids wasn't the main reason, but it was certainly a benefit). I've never regretted it.
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"I don't even know how to explain it, but this is not my dimension, and my mind is never at peace; it's always somewhere else." - Josh Groban, Alla Luce Del Sole |
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sunshower
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 779
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 8:57 am Post subject: |
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yeah i'd say it's the normal. I was extremely badly bullied throughout primary school and only began to really make friends in my very last years of high school.
I am a girl, and for some reason girls have always hated me. (I wonder if it's a gender thing for NT's to hate aspies of the same gender). Not surprising then that 95% of my friends are guys.
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lines on life
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1762
Location: US, midmap
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 9:38 am Post subject: |
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I was able to make friends and when I was at this other school on the other side of town I had lots of friends even though i had serious issues, like biting people. I can remember being a biter, why I did this I don't know. I also had other bad habits but this was the major one that gave me the most trouble. I can remember being really ashamed of myself. I had this feeling I ruined everything and that's why when my mom moved I thought it would be a good thing. It was the worst thing that could have happened to me.
But I still had some friends from the school I was at. They came to my birthday party. One was a boy I was really close to.
Anyway, I think the reason I failed socially had more to do with these neighbors than anyone else. The reason I am bringing this up is, sometimes it's not everyone that hates you, it's a couple of people trying to ruin it for you by getting them all to hate you. This happened to me. So, try to find out where it's coming from, if anyone in particular is always trying to get others to hate you. If you can talk to the source and tell them to stop maybe things will improve? |
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i_wanna_blue
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 10, 2008
Posts: 310
Location: Somewhere only I know
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 10:24 am Post subject: |
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I never faced this problem in high school, instead I experienced this 'hatred' from kids around me in my community (neighbours). I did not fit in, and the other kids wouldn't accept me as part of their clique. At the time (when I was qiute young) this made me feel sad. These problems persisted in primary school and when I socailized with others in my area, like when I played team sports (although I didnt want to).
I attended a high school in a different area to where I lived. Even though I wasn't popular, and I got teased on a few occasions the same level of 'rejection' I felt from those in my community were never felt. I made some fantastic friends instead!!!
Despite all of this and despite there being numerous memories which confirm the theory that I was hated, I do not view it that way. I just feel I wasn't understood. In high school I found friends who had more in common with me and I fiited in better. Find people who make you feel better - as for the rest of them - you will realize you dont need them |
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iceb
Tarkalean hawk
Joined: Apr 27, 2007
Posts: 1344
Location: The Liberator flight deck
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 10:29 am Post subject: |
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| lightening020 wrote: | yea....i just wanted to know if it was the norm for ASDs to have experiences like this.
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Hate to say it but, yes; and it stinks!
Just always remember it is not your fault.
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Wisdom must be gathered, it cannot be given.
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Callista
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 04, 2006
Age: 25
Posts: 1663
Location: Central USA
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 11:31 am Post subject: |
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I think there are ways to defend yourself socially, to be mean and nasty in return, and have a balance of power... then I think that maybe those ways aren't worth it, if it turns you into somebody like them. And, anyway, not every Aspie can learn them.
Best defense is not to care what they think... then the only injuries you get are physical, and those usually heal fine.
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Female. Engineering student. Gamer. Christian. Asexual. Information Addict. Deal with it!
Reports from a Resident Alien:
http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com |
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Ryn
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 10, 2008
Posts: 429
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 11:36 am Post subject: |
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Yes, I experienced being hated by a large group of people too. It certainly is a common experience on this forum, which is sad because there are really nice people here. I was talking with a girl yesterday about socialization and ASDs, and she said that she wondered if people with ASDs are missing that desire to fit into the group at all costs, which leads to the bullying due to insecurity stuff.
Both guys and girls disliked me.
You can't let them control your life. That's what they want. The best revenge is to do the best you can with your life.
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"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."--Augusten Burroughs |
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lionesss
The Queen of not your typical kind of jungle
Joined: Aug 22, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 1013
Location: not anywhere near you
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 11:52 am Post subject: |
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| Ryn wrote: | Yes, I experienced being hated by a large group of people too. It certainly is a common experience on this forum, which is sad because there are really nice people here. I was talking with a girl yesterday about socialization and ASDs, and she said that she wondered if people with ASDs are missing that desire to fit into the group at all costs, which leads to the bullying due to insecurity stuff.
Both guys and girls disliked me.
You can't let them control your life. That's what they want. The best revenge is to do the best you can with your life. |
I was also hated too in school especially in junior high. That was the worst time of my life. But its true, if you do the best you can with your life, then it shows that you have power over those jerks who are probably wasting their lives as of today.
_________________
I was told that I have PDD-NOS and ADHD- in other words, mild AS with a history of speech delay. I personally think its best to say that I am just plain under the spectrum! |
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AnnePande
Sea Gull
Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Age: 30
Posts: 235
Location: Aarhus, Denmark
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:17 pm Post subject: |
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I was bullied at school for many years.
So much for all that highly celebrated NT empathy. If they have it, why don't they use it? Or maybe they only use it towards people they like or who are like them? That definition is, weirdly enough, never mentioned in the definition of having empathy (opposite to (apparently) lacking it). Isn't it strange that, when the people who define diagnosis criteria or work with autism and the like in different ways, apparently never wonder how it can be that all those NT kids who are supposed to flow over with empathy, tend to bully the aspies to a degree that, as an aspie, it's normal to be bullied by NTs?! |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1762
Location: US, midmap
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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It's not just ASDs that get bullied, it's any child who is percieved as different and who isn't protected by the school. My mom worked as an elementary school teacher. Kids tend to bully when they think they can get away with it and that no one will do anything about it. They pick vulnerable kids, usually the chief bullies are abused at home.
This girl I knew was treated sooo horribly at home she bullied me because she knew no other way. She came from a dysfunctional family and her family didn't protect her from other family members who were abused by family members. It was a viscious cycle of victimization in a family that was very dysfunctional and had untreated mental illness. Not bashing the mentally ill, just saying it really does need to be treated.
It might help to think of certain bullies in this way, they must learn it because they get bullied.
But that is no excuse. BEST way to prevent it at school is to have an advocate, a RELENTLESS one who gives the bullies the message it will not be tolerated and kids who are the targets should always be protected in the schools and the schools owe it to the kids to provide mediators and counselors.
This sort of thing should never be tolerated or allowed to happen to any child.
The public schools should be a refuge and safe haven for every child. |
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SteelMaiden
Electromagnet pointed towards the computer.
Joined: Aug 20, 2006
Age: 19
Posts: 1655
Location: Londinium
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:44 pm Post subject: |
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I haven't been hated, but I often get that people like me but don't know how to approach me so I get very few friends.
Although sometimes I am purely convinced that I am hated.
_________________
Diagnosed AS and appear to be continuously fighting the illness in my mind. |
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BokeKaeru
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 507
Location: Alternately Los Angeles, CA and Northampton, MA
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 2:32 pm Post subject: |
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| ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote: |
It might help to think of certain bullies in this way, they must learn it because they get bullied.
But that is no excuse. BEST way to prevent it at school is to have an advocate, a RELENTLESS one who gives the bullies the message it will not be tolerated and kids who are the targets should always be protected in the schools and the schools owe it to the kids to provide mediators and counselors.
This sort of thing should never be tolerated or allowed to happen to any child.
The public schools should be a refuge and safe haven for every child. |
Indeed. Unfortunately, I came to suspect that the schools thought it to be to their advantage that bullies pushed around the kids that didn't "fit in." I don't know how many times teachers and administrators told me that if I just wasn't so oversensitive, bullies wouldn't push my sensory buttons, or adults (including but not limited to school authorities) told me that once I got the surgeries that would make me look normal, people would finally be nice to me. And then, when because of the inaction of my purported "protectors" to make sure I didn't get hurt, I defended myself, suddenly I was the horrible, evil bully who didn't know how to treat other people. Hmmmm.... if I had been like everyone else, somehow I think I would've gotten the same "kids will be kids" dismissal that everyone else seemed entitled to.
In many cases, it seemed that for all the pretension and talk of diversity and open-mindedness, the adults were as intolerant, xenophobic and lacking in empathy as the kids they were supposed to supervise. This needs to change, and ALL students, regardless of looks, neurotype or social ability so long as they're not deliberately and knowingly harming others, need equal protection. Otherwise, school shootings will continue to happen, and thousands of lives will continue to be damaged.
And all too many people DO excuse the behavior of bullies based on the earlier part of the argument listed - that bullies have been abused themselves. This is not to say that it isn't true, I just wish it didn't end there, like it was somehow okay for these people to take their aggression out on innocents because they were mistreated. The schools, instead of allowing the cycle to continue through this excuse, should provide better counseling and teach people, bullies and victims alike, to stand up to their abusers rather than project their anger onto others, and be willing to provide backup in the form of personal or legal intervention when necessary. |
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