Hello everybody

d1ng0d0g · Posted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:27 am Post subject:

Hello,

I'm a 30 year old male, and I have only very recently been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.

The reason I sought psychological / psychiatric help was however that I was depressed, felt alone, felt confused, angry and just didn't understand the world. And I was having serious thoughts about suicide. The only reason that I didn't take that step, and likely never will take that step is because my sudden death would so horribly disrupt the lives of so many people. And that is the reason why I didn't, why I won't and why I actually am not at all in risk of doing so.

I signed up here, because I am stuck with questions, and I wonder how other people handle those. One of them is doubt about the correctness of the diagnosis, even though when I read up on Aspergers it describes me, to the shocking points of things I always dismissed as trivial.

Things about me is that I get bored real easy. When something is challenging, I do really good at it, when things are easy I get bored. When I don't have anything to do, I can't make myself do anything. I usually spend this time socializing, reading, or doing nothing.

Another thing, and this is my most troublesome in relation to others, and the one that bothers me the most is that I am arrogant and come across as such. If I tone down what I perceive as arrogance, then I'm even more so, and if someone tries to go arrogance against me, it slides off, making me seem even more arrogant. That's really a nasty one in relations with other humans and the one I feel worst about.

And there is one other. I can learn anything. However, I can't seem to pass any education. There always need to be outside stimuli. Responsibillity, competitition and anger are my strongest motivators, but they are never self-inflicted.

If those things make sense to people here, then I might be in the right place.

What the psychiatrist who pulled the diagnosis said was too, that I might have developped such a strong social camouflage, that it might be very hard on me. Because one of my really big interests is social interaction. I'm good at it, but that doesn't mean I understand it.

Okay, now I think I'm rambling, but please say so if this makes sense to anyone.

Utterly confused, depressed, angry and feeling misunderstood,

Dingo