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lotusblossom
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 461
Location: UK
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 Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:40 pm Post subject: dating site advice |
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Well, the people Ive been exchanging messages with has dropped to zero. I expect this is to do with me being unable to sustain a normal conversation via email or not responding in the expected manner.
what should I do?
Should I change my profile to make it less off puting, Im not easy with this as I dont want to lie and I think if they find my profile too boring, they wont like the real me.
or should I message more guys, Im not sure about this either as people start off being keen then stop writing so Im kind of tired of the rejection.
how can I learn to write in a way that makes men want to write back but doesnt mean that I have to say things/do things that Im not comfortable with.
or should I just close my dating site account and buy 10 cats |
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LePetitPrince
Feminist activist O_o
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3458
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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| are you a single mom? guys try to avoid single moms but you can't hide about that. |
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Haliphron
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 29, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 1005
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| Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:54 pm Post subject: |
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10 Cats??? Cats can learn to live with one(or 2)other cats but 10 will drive them crazay.
Anyhow, I think that you definitely should revamp your profile And start taking the initiative to message guys first;
we REALLY like that. |
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lotusblossom
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 461
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 2:11 pm Post subject: |
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LPP- yeah I know guys avoid single mothers but as you say you cant lie about that, especially as I have one aspie and one autie, I think that would be a bit too much of a shock.
Haliphron- I nearly always take the initiative but the message exchange tails off so it cant be enough.
Ive writen to lots of guys over the last year but Im not writing to any now.
I think Im just not friendly enough or something. I expect Im offensive and harsh.
Perhaps I should ask the ex-email friends for feed back- but that would be very scarey. Do I really want to hear the truth from them  |
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lotusblossom
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 461
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 2:12 pm Post subject: |
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| Haliphron, what sort of thing should i put in my profile then? |
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LePetitPrince
Feminist activist O_o
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3458
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 2:22 pm Post subject: |
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| The fact that you are a single mom make things much harder and I fear that I have no idea how to make it easier. Maybe you should use a niche dating service for single parents. |
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Haliphron
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 29, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 1005
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| Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 2:23 pm Post subject: |
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| lotusblossom wrote: | | Haliphron, what sort of thing should i put in my profile then? |
Well I'd have to see it to give you some useful advice. Whats the URL? |
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lotusblossom
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 461
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 2:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Haliphron wrote: | | lotusblossom wrote: | | Haliphron, what sort of thing should i put in my profile then? |
Well I'd have to see it to give you some useful advice. Whats the URL? |
I know its very boring but, I am so what can I do really
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/kathleenlotus |
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lotusblossom
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 461
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 7:06 pm Post subject: |
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I think my problems stem from an inability to talk about feelings/sexy/compliments. I just dont feel comfi with it, it kind of makes me feel sick.
for example
loverboy writes: Oh lotus, you have amazing eyes
lotusblossom answers: Isnt science interesting, I was reading a article the other day bla bla bla...
loverboy writes: your paintings are amazing you are so tallented, I really enjoy talking to you
lotusblossom answers: great, Ive got a new exhibition coming up, paintings just the best bla bla bla.
Does anyone else not feel comfi with romantic talk,
how can I change, it just doesnt feel natural, I would rather talk about facts.
I think perhaps guys think that Im brushing them off and give up.
Its just so tricky as in real life you can give someone an encouraging smile or touch them or something but online its so tricky as you are just left with your raw social skills (or in my case anti-social skills).
has anyone else got over their antipathy to romance? |
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2059
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| Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 7:18 pm Post subject: |
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If he compleiments you on your work, talk about what inspired you about it, what it says about you and your personality, just explain the piece. Then apologise for rambling on and see how he reacts - cause he might ask you to carry on.
Or, marry me?
Please? |
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lotusblossom
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 461
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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| JohnHopkins wrote: | If he compleiments you on your work, talk about what inspired you about it, what it says about you and your personality, just explain the piece. Then apologise for rambling on and see how he reacts - cause he might ask you to carry on.
Or, marry me?
Please? |
Ive already said yes!
How is Uni going? Have you started lessons yet?
back to topic, they all say, "oh I dont mind you going on, your not ranting, no realy dont appologise" but sooner or later they stop writing back. |
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2059
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| Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 7:54 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah I've had a few lectures and minor assignments. I hate one of my lecturers already, he seems to think we all know exactly what we're doing already.
Are guys on dating sites really what you're looking for, though? |
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lotusblossom
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 461
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 5:07 am Post subject: |
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| JohnHopkins wrote: | | Yeah I've had a few lectures and minor assignments. I hate one of my lecturers already, he seems to think we all know exactly what we're doing already. |
I never get on with lecturers, I ask too many questions
Are you getting on ok with the other students?
| JohnHopkins wrote: |
Are guys on dating sites really what you're looking for, though? |
I dont know? how are they different from any other guy?
I know I definately do want a relationship, I just am not any good at courting. |
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2059
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| Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 9:28 am Post subject: |
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I'm getting on great with everybody. Honestly, my Asperger's is almost totally absent at the minute, cause I don't really even have a routine.
And what I meant was, aren't people using dating websites going to have failed at courting previously as well? |
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lotusblossom
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 461
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 9:55 am Post subject: |
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Im glad your getting on well at Uni  I wish my aspergers would disapear!
I know what you mean about us loosers on dating sites though, kinda like the blind leading the blind.
My friend agrees with you on that and says that I need a superly- socially skilled -ace at relationships- boyfriend who will smooth over my fauxpas and make the best of a bad lot.
I dont know, I guess I should give it more time before I give up. |
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