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dosh
Raven
Joined: Jul 25, 2007
Posts: 112
Location: London, UK
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 Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 7:09 am Post subject: How to improve social skills when talking to guys |
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Girls (or guys), I would like your honest opinion on the following:
I said the following two things to a guy I know:
1. He was telling me about his interest in genealogy, and about some of the various ancestors he had discovered. I said: "Quite the little mongrel aren't you!"
2. On another ocasion, he asked if I wanted a drink. I said: "Only if I can buy you one."
Needless to say, this person ceased to want to have anything to do with me!
I would like your opinon on whether my comments above were offensive and if so, why? I feel totally socially inept so our comments would help me to start improving my social skills. |
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zinger
Emu Egg
Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 8:48 am Post subject: |
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Your comments sound fine to me.
He sounds like a bit of a tosser - eg. who gets into genealogy? and if your genealogy isn't mongrel then you're inbred. fact!  |
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zeichner
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 11, 2008
Age: 50
Posts: 145
Location: Minneapolis, MN
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 9:08 am Post subject: Re: How to improve social skills when talking to guys |
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| dosh wrote: | | ...Needless to say, this person ceased to want to have anything to do with me! ... |
To me, it doesn't seem like it should be a foregone conclusion.
In the first instance, it seems like the guy just doesn't have a sense of humor. What you said was clearly a joke - even if he didn't find it particularly funny, I'd be suspicious of someone who didn't at least appreciate that your comment was made in jest.
In the second instance - again, it seems a sensible person who wanted to get to know you better would just say "fair enough" & you'd share a drink or two together.
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"I am likely to miss the main event, if I stop to cry & complain again.
So I will keep a deliberate pace - Let the damn breeze dry my face."
- Fiona Apple - "Better Version of Me" |
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Oggleleus
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jun 03, 2008
Posts: 178
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 10:34 am Post subject: |
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| To me, it depends on how long you have known the person. Your comments are not offensive but are not what someone may have been "expecting" in those circumstances. Sometimes, I'll search my brain for a clever response, find a good one or come up with a new one and then simply reply with a "Yes" or a "No" because the person(s) may not be use to my sort of humor or may not have a clue about what I am talking about. When I am around people that I know really well I lose the tendency to pause when I come up with a clever response and just let'em fly. |
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Anemone
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 790
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 12:05 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know how "quite the little mongrel, are you?" sounded when you said it. When I read it it sounded negative to me, a bit of a put down - probably the way it was worded. But if he doesn't like your sense of humour, then move on.
As for the second point: guys sometimes like treating women. It's a compliment, though it may not feel comfortable for you. If you don't feel comfortable having him treat you, then perhaps you don't suit each other either. Or perhaps you could simply tell him if you don't feel comfortable being treated, and ask to pay your own way instead, and see if he understands.
In the long run, I wouldn't worry about it. Sometimes you hit it off with people, sometimes you don't. And you can get away with all sorts of things if the guy's really smitten. |
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hale_bopp
Ruffle some Feathers
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 23
Posts: 6318
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 7:09 am Post subject: |
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| The first bit might be offensive if he didn't know if it was a joke... second doesn't seem offensive.. then again, I have NFI what is or isn't offensive. |
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jfrmeister
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 11, 2007
Age: 38
Posts: 447
Location: #2309 WP'er
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| Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 8:16 am Post subject: Re: How to improve social skills when talking to guys |
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| dosh wrote: | | 1. He was telling me about his interest in genealogy, and about some of the various ancestors he had discovered. I said: "Quite the little mongrel aren't you!" |
mongrel is a bit strong of a word.
| Quote: | | 2. On another ocasion, he asked if I wanted a drink. I said: "Only if I can buy you one." |
this is a very awkward way to say what you mean.. thie timing is a bit off too.
You should've just accepted and later offerd to by him one. if he initially refused, you should've insisted.
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"The christian god is a being of terrific character; cruel, vindictive, capricious and unjust" - Thomas Jefferson |
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wrongshoes
Blue Jay
Joined: Sep 11, 2008
Posts: 82
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| Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 3:38 pm Post subject: |
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| How do you know he doesn't want anything to do with you? |
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Valkyrie
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 29, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 40
Location: Lala Land
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| Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 5:35 am Post subject: |
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| I don't see anything wrong with what you said. If he can't take a joke then he isn't worth the trouble. |
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LKL
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 22, 2007
Age: 32
Posts: 1081
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| Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 8:10 pm Post subject: |
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I call myself a classic American mongrel; I don't think of it as perjorative when applied to humans. I think that there are, however, people who see it in a negative light still. Also, I think that the diminutive 'little' may have made the comment harsher than it would otherwise have been.
I think that the take on both comments would depend heavily on the tone of voice and body language used with it. |
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