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Yupa
Avatar of Evil
Joined: May 15, 2005
Age: 18
Posts: 1315
Location: Florida
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 Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 8:17 pm Post subject: An aspie classmate made life awkward for me :( |
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So earlier today before my first class started a classmate of mine asked me to help her with some math work, and I found the opportunity to ask her a question about some material the teacher had went over last class that I missed.
Then this very very autistic kid that I knew from high school showed up and started talking to me, but when I made a slight sigh of discontent at being unable to figure out he started going off about how he could tell that was a sign that I was discontent because he was my "spiritual brother" and supposedly so much like me in terms of "mental level" (i.e. had a diagnosis about asperger's)... he didn't say the words "autism" or "asperger's", which made me feel at least somewhat secure, but he kept talking about "us" in a way that made it sound like he thought we were aliens or members of a cult or something, but he went about it in a really creepy way that caused the girl whom I was discussing classwork with earlier to get up and leave.
Oh, and did I mention that the aspie kid in question not only walks like a robot and makes weird disturbing noises during math class but also got kicked out of high school for several weeks for trying to stab a girl with a pair of scissors in his art class? I mean, I'm nice to him (mostly 'cuz I don't want him going psycho and freaking out on me), but there are a lot of aspects of his personality (i.e. those aspects most affected by Asperger's Syndrome) that really don't make me feel that comfortable around him.
Should I have found the opportunity to tell him at some point that I didn't want the whole Autism thing discussed?
btw I kept my diagnosis pretty much under wraps throughout high school but until I sent repeated e-mails asking the teacher running the group to make it otherwise I was required by my IEP to attend "special meetings" for "Special students" at which this kid was also present, which is how he knew. But I really wish he didn't  |
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TheMidnightJudge
Ghost in the Machine
Joined: Mar 29, 2007
Posts: 1379
Location: New England
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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In a straightforward manner, tell the kid what he did, and why it bothered you. It's one of many social lessons he needs to learn.
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lelia
Pika
Joined: Apr 12, 2007
Age: 56
Posts: 1497
Location: Vancouver not BC, Washington not DC
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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| Stabbing girls is not an especially aspergerish trait. I'm sorry he bothers you. |
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snugglebee
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 08, 2008
Posts: 37
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:47 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Yupa!
I am sorry you were stuck in such an awkward position. But I commend you for not being rude to the boy who was embarassing you! After all, he also is dealing with his own social fears, and was brave to try to talk with you despite them. I can tell you have a good heart, and I like that about you. Maybe the next time you see him, you could tell him that the sigh you made wasn't a sign of your discontent with him. It was a sign of your worry that something about you was about to be revealed that you didn't want to be revealed. You could also say that your diagnosis is your own business, and nobody elses, and in the future you would appreciate it if he would respect your privacy by not talking about your "autistic connection" to him when other people are present. Be gentle with his feelings, and explain that it wasn't him that you disliked, only what he was saying at that time. I wish you good luck!
Yupa, I hope you don't mind if I ask your opinion about something? You mentioned taking a "special class" for "special kids" mandated by your IEP. Was this class a social skills class? I have a 13 year old Aspie son who is now in 7th grade. He came home from school very upset last week because his social skills class was about to start, and he didn't want to be in it. He says "you may as well just put a sign on my back that says Aspie!" Just like you, he keeps his diagnosis to himself. He has told certain friends, his true friends that he trusts, that he has Aspergers, but he doesn't want everyone else to know about it. I can understand his concerns, and I feel they are valid, so I have removed him from the social skills class this week at his IEP meeting. You see, even though I do believe my son would benefit from the class, I don't think it's fair to have a social skills class during regular school hours. My son will be pulled out of his other classes to attend the social skills class, and he is really worried about what he will answer when his classmates ask him where he goes and what he does when he's gone. He doesn't want to tell lies to them, but he also doesn't want them to know the truth. I personally think it's ironic that a class intended to help autistic kids, is in reality, causing the kids to face NEW social dilemmas! I told the social skills teacher this at the IEP meeting. I said that I think her very first lesson shoud be "When the other kids ask you what you are doing here, this is how you should respond!" Anyway, I'm heading into a rant, and that's not what I wanted to do. Sorry.
I'd really appreciate your opinion, YUPA, especially if the class you took was a social skills class! Am I wrong to pull him out of the social skills class? Am I putting more importance on my son's privacy than I should? Should his need for privacy outweigh his need for social skills help? In your own personal opinion, do you think my son should take the class, despite his fear of being exposed for an Aspie? Was the class you took so helpful to you in your social life that you don't regret the loss of your privacy? Looking back now, if given the choice to attend the class or not, what would you choose?
I sure would appreciate any advice you could give me! Thank You!  |
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sunshower
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 779
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| Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 9:46 pm Post subject: |
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Lol me again,
I was going to say, yes I had a similar dilemma with a girl aspie who was a lot more severe than me and I found it a bit difficult to communicate with her, and so eventually ended up avoiding her which i regret now because she was one of the only two aspies I've met in person in my entire life (both of whom were also girls, oddly enough - considering statistics).
Again to snugglebee - lol - just tell me if I'm getting irritating, btw, yeah in high school I was exactly the same, I hated being different from anyone else, I didn't want anybody to know that I needed "special help", my parents tried to send me to these groups and things, but I just didn't go. Looking back, I don't really regret not going. I probably wasn't mature enough to learn anything from them at that stage anyway, and my parents talked me through social skills at home in a more comfortable environment. Now that I'm older and less insecure about who I am, I find counseling and groups (not that I'm in any groups at the moment, but I would like to be in one) quite beneficial. 
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snugglebee
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 08, 2008
Posts: 37
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 3:46 am Post subject: |
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Hello My Friend Sunshower!!!
Once again, thank you for your wise advice! I hope you know how much I value your opinions! It's wonderful to have an adult Aspie that this NT mom can consult with when I need parenting advice for my aspie son! Every time you reply to one of my posts, you help me immensely! So absolutely NO! You are NOT irritating me!!! Don't ever think that!
I also feel that if I force David to attend the social skills class, he will just close his mind to it and not gain anything of value there. If he feels so strongly about not taking the class, I have to respect his feelings. I was mainly worried that by honoring his feelings, I was causing him to miss out on something that could possibly help him a great deal. But same as you did when you were young, David does get lots of help at home, so he's not really missing out afterall.
Thanks again! See you around the forum!  |
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sunshower
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 779
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 10:01 am Post subject: |
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Yep! 
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Corydaman93
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Oct 13, 2008
Age: 15
Posts: 181
Location: Oakville, Ontario
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 11:42 pm Post subject: |
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| When he stabbed the girl with scissors was he having a meltdown or was he just "trying to play around"? |
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Yupa
Avatar of Evil
Joined: May 15, 2005
Age: 18
Posts: 1315
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Corydaman93 wrote: | | When he stabbed the girl with scissors was he having a meltdown or was he just "trying to play around"? |
Well, gee, maybe he was just TRYING TO HURT AND POSSIBLY KILL SOMEONE ELSE, did you ever think of that? |
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Yupa
Avatar of Evil
Joined: May 15, 2005
Age: 18
Posts: 1315
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:37 pm Post subject: |
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| snugglebee wrote: | Hello My Friend Sunshower!!!
Once again, thank you for your wise advice! I hope you know how much I value your opinions! It's wonderful to have an adult Aspie that this NT mom can consult with when I need parenting advice for my aspie son! Every time you reply to one of my posts, you help me immensely! So absolutely NO! You are NOT irritating me!!! Don't ever think that!
I also feel that if I force David to attend the social skills class, he will just close his mind to it and not gain anything of value there. If he feels so strongly about not taking the class, I have to respect his feelings. I was mainly worried that by honoring his feelings, I was causing him to miss out on something that could possibly help him a great deal. But same as you did when you were young, David does get lots of help at home, so he's not really missing out afterall.
Thanks again! See you around the forum! |
I just want to say that I personally do not recommend the social skills class. Because he will be there with other people who have just as much "difficulty" as he does, it will be very hard for him to actually learn to get along with the wide variety of people he will encounter in the "real world".
Just my advice, take it or leave it. |
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Corydaman93
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Oct 13, 2008
Age: 15
Posts: 181
Location: Oakville, Ontario
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| Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Yupa wrote: | | Corydaman93 wrote: | | When he stabbed the girl with scissors was he having a meltdown or was he just "trying to play around"? |
Well, gee, maybe he was just TRYING TO HURT AND POSSIBLY KILL SOMEONE ELSE, did you ever think of that? |
No, not really, u don't have to be critical, I was only asking a question. Why didn't I think of that? Bcuz like NT's, I know that aspies for the most part would not ever try to purposely hurt or kill somebody, at least that's the case with me.
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snugglebee
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 08, 2008
Posts: 37
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| Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:15 am Post subject: |
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Quote from Yupa: "I just want to say that I personally do not recommend the social skills class. Because he will be there with other people who have just as much "difficulty" as he does, it will be very hard for him to actually learn to get along with the wide variety of people he will encounter in the "real world".
Just my advice, take it or leave it."
Thanks Yupa! I'm taking it. |
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sunshower
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 779
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| Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 8:16 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, Yupa makes a good point.
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DiabloDave363
Deinonychus
Joined: May 17, 2008
Age: 15
Posts: 331
Location: New England
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