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zeichner
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 11, 2008
Age: 50
Posts: 145
Location: Minneapolis, MN
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 Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 9:00 am Post subject: "How Busy Are You?" |
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Whenever someone asks me "How busy are you?", I immediately start trying to quantify my response. It used to take me several seconds before I could respond - which created a very awkward silence. Then, for a while, I would answer with a random number, like "7," but I think the humor was lost on the person asking the question.
I've learned to stop myself as soon as I notice it happening & simply respond "what do you need?" or "how can I help you?" - but I got called on it this morning by a coworker (in a friendly way).
Anyway, does anyone else immediately start calculating when someone asks them this?
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"I am likely to miss the main event, if I stop to cry & complain again.
So I will keep a deliberate pace - Let the damn breeze dry my face."
- Fiona Apple - "Better Version of Me" |
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AnnaLemma
Raven
Joined: Mar 16, 2008
Posts: 115
Location: Critter country
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| Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 9:46 am Post subject: |
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I did not get asked this particular question a lot (I worked on a team where everyone knew how busy everyone else was), but when folks asked me open-ended questions like "what do you think will happen when [insert situation here]?", I would usually answer "70% chance of success, 30% chance of failure" or something like that. It went over ok in that setting (I worked with lots of aspies and near-aspies), but I also tend to respond that way in non-work life as well. The great challenge is for me to recognize which questions need an accurate response and which ones are fishing expeditions or conversation starters. Amazing that I have reached this advanced age and figuring this out is still a big deal for me...
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The plural of "anecdote" is not "data". |
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twosheds
Raven
Joined: Feb 24, 2007
Posts: 121
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| Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 11:05 am Post subject: |
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I've always hated that question. Even *if* I was rude enough to tell someone I'm too busy to care about their problem, I'd need to know what it was before I could make that determination.
The other one I get all the time is "How familiar are you with x?" (where "x" usually turns out to be something only tangentially related to what the person is really asking). I've found that something along the lines of "Try me." is the only useful answer. |
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donkey
we have met the enemy, he is us.
Joined: May 22, 2006
Age: 37
Posts: 1478
Location: ireland
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| Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 11:40 am Post subject: |
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i do it a lot......but i dont get caught like you describe.
i noticed it at uni....lecturer would walk in a say " nice day"
and i would wonder if that woul d be on the exam.
even now when people say to me..."nice day"
i know intellectually ( not instinctivly) that it is a generic greeting and an opening line for chit chat.
i used to and still do wonder what their criteria is for niceness in a day. like you say i need the statement to be qualified or quantified.
now i just respond as expected and make polite chit chat.
when someone says...how busy are you....it is an opening to attempt to dump work on you.
i used to always take it and never was assertive enough to say no.
but i usually respond with somethign better but i still kill myself with honestly answering by sometimes saying " i aint that busy"
then they take this as a cue to dump work onto you.
it used to annoy me but not so much now.
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a great civilisation cannot be conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within- W. Durant |
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Amicitia
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 23, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 58
Location: NJ, USA
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| Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 12:32 pm Post subject: |
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| "How busy are you?" was a popular game at my college. The object was to have more work than anyone else. So my inclination is to answer the question by listing everything I'm supposed to be doing. But that's probably not the kind of answer most people are looking for. |
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carturo222
Polymath wannabe
Joined: Aug 04, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 1137
Location: Colombia
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| Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 12:59 pm Post subject: |
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| I used to give specific, true answers to the greeting "How are you?" I already knew that this was a formulaic sentence, but I resisted the notion of answering a prefabricated question with a prefabricated answer. I wanted to give my answer. But the world won. |
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Icheb
Fortysomething
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Posts: 1591
Location: Switzerland
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| Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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When I get asked this question at work, I answer in one of two ways: "Not very. Why?" or "Pretty busy. Why?" Either way, the result will be the same, because I only get asked by people I'm being paid to help or whom it is in my own best interest to help.
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„It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.” |
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emc2
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Sep 20, 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 69
Location: Queensland, Australia
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| Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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omg I do even though I am not mathematically minded much.
I think what runs through my head is how to describe how busy I am in words! Which I can't get out in time either. |
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Avaricejx
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 19, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 2:41 am Post subject: |
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I think it is usually unwise to answer this question without first knowing what they are going to ask you for next.
Instead I just ask what the person needs, then decide how busy I am. |
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NocturnalQuilter
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 08, 2008
Age: 40
Posts: 719
Location: Bakersfield
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| Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 1:37 pm Post subject: |
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"Are you busy?" is code for "I have something for you to do."
I get asked that almost everyday, and I reply that I am always "busy" but never too busy to try and help out. It let's people know that I am working (of course) so that whatever they are considering giving me had better be somewhat important, not stupid stuff like stuffing envelopes or running to the PO.
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Never make anyone a priority in your life when they consider you an option in theirs. |
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zeichner
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 11, 2008
Age: 50
Posts: 145
Location: Minneapolis, MN
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| Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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For as much as I understand the "code" - there is still something in my head that hears a question about "how much?" & my brain goes into calculation mode for a second, before I can stop it. 
Just one of those silly ways that my AS traits intrude upon my everyday life. I just thought it was funny that it is apparently noticeable enough for an NT coworker to notice (must show on my face.)
_________________
"I am likely to miss the main event, if I stop to cry & complain again.
So I will keep a deliberate pace - Let the damn breeze dry my face."
- Fiona Apple - "Better Version of Me" |
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Phedre
Emu Egg
Joined: Oct 30, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 9:11 pm Post subject: |
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Oh boy.  I still answer people by telling them exactly how busy I am. Not saying I'm too busy or not too busy, just EXACTLY how busy I am.
I thought I stopped going on diatribes that have nothing to do with the intended answer. Guess not?  |
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mosez
Hummingbird
Joined: Nov 11, 2008
Age: 48
Posts: 24
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 2:57 pm Post subject: Really busy? |
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Or how busy do you look like you are?
I always look busy, no one can ceep up to my phase. I have to concentrate real hard to keep a phase that relatively cool people can cope with. Every natural process seems to go in slowmo for me. Why this rush? I'm asking myself this question over and over again.
My parents too, why do I have to rush away after the dinner? Why can't I even stay for hours, instead of minutes?
And my guilt afterwards, feeling that they feel I don't like them. It's nothing I'm going to, just want to be alone. I wish I wasn't aware of this, still I am and can't change it.
Mo
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I dont want to join a club that wants to have an idiot as me as a member-
Woody Allen |
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