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Tohlagos
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 26, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 954
Location: Boise, ID
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 Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:42 pm Post subject: Can anyone help? |
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Hi.
I have had a few questions about interacting with friends and people in general I don't understand.
1) Why do people tell other that are going on a trip to have a safe trip? Isn't that obvious? I can understand with saying, "I hope you have fun on your trip." Do people say have a safe trip because they care about that person??? I do not understand the logic behind this.
2) Should I say when I see a friend that I am glad to see them? Does that help them to feel more welcomed??? I have always thought that saying hello with a smile at them was enough. Is a smile with a hello enough for a friend?
3) I literally can stare at someone when they are talking to me. I am focused on what they are saying. They have my undivided attention. Someone told me that it is rude though. I didn't want to be rude, so I purposely look down and nod while they are talking as if I am thinking and agreeing with what they are saying, but then look back at them. Is this a good idea or can this be taken as rude as well?
4) I was recently told that while someone else is talking to me that I should occasionally say, "yes, uh-huh, ah, ok, oh, etc," during the conversation for it tells the other person that I am listening to them and not ignoring them. Ok, I understand the part that I want someone else to know I paying attention to them, but how does those simple little phrases give them the feeling that I am paying attention to them???
5) (Last one, there are many more, but I didn't want to write a book.) When standing and talking to someone I was told that I shouldn't cross my arms across my chest. That can be seen as a defensive step or arrogant. Well, I can get anxiety while talking to someone and doing that helps me to focus on them. Would it be ok, if I put my hands behind my back and locked my fingers together? Or is putting my hands behind my back seen as some form of rudeness as well???
If anyone can offer some insight or logic to any of these, I would grateful. Thank you.
_________________
To fear change is meaningless, for change will still come regardless of one's personal desire. Remember your allies of hope, patience, and perseverance well, for they will standby you to the completion.
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donkey
we have met the enemy, he is us.
Joined: May 22, 2006
Age: 37
Posts: 1478
Location: ireland
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| Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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1. is a figure of speech. like most NT talk it isnt meant to be taken literally.
2. smile and hello is fine
3. look at mouth and alternate your gaze between eyes, mouth and looking away. more than 4 seconds staring at one location is too long.
4. not bad advice just to give acknoledgement to the one who is talking to you that you are recieving what is being said.
if your looking down it can be hard fo rthem to know if you understand.
5. place one wrist into the other hand and place both in front of your crotch. this is a neutral expresion.
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a great civilisation cannot be conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within- W. Durant |
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blamo
Raven
Joined: Aug 12, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 111
Location: Island of Misfit Toys
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| Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:21 pm Post subject: |
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A couple of tips I have learned over the years.
Look at the person talking to you, respond accordingly, you may have to pay attention to your facial expressions and tone of voice. Smile when the conversation is pleasant or show concern as needed.
Replies show a few things, that you are listening and that you care about what they are saying. If your grinning while they are talking about a passed away aunt your gonna look like an ass.
People will say "have a nice day" See ya' later" or such as generic greetings. They are pleasantries. Accept them as such. It may help if you talk slower, it gives me time to think so I don't say something that sounds weird to "normal People"
Telling a friend "nice to see you" is a way to show that, well, your glad to see them. People want to be wanted by others. We all do.
Don't focus on logic, saying "god bless you" when someone sneezes is totally illogical, but some people get terribly offended if you don't. Society norms don't always make sense. |
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zee
human wannabe
Joined: Jul 19, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 1122
Location: backstage
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| Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 3:13 pm Post subject: Re: Can anyone help? |
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| Tohlagos wrote: |
5) (Last one, there are many more, but I didn't want to write a book.) When standing and talking to someone I was told that I shouldn't cross my arms across my chest. That can be seen as a defensive step or arrogant. Well, I can get anxiety while talking to someone and doing that helps me to focus on them. Would it be ok, if I put my hands behind my back and locked my fingers together? Or is putting my hands behind my back seen as some form of rudeness as well???
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putting your hands behind your back is supposed to show "openness", it's the opposite of having your hands in front of you. You could also put your hands in your pockets (just with the thumbs), or hands together like the previous poster said.
There are some good books on reading body language with lots of pictures, you can get them at libraries. I've found them to be quite helpful in reading other people, even if we don't use the same gestures.
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Oh how I wish for soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again |
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Tohlagos
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 26, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 954
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:41 am Post subject: |
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| donkey wrote: | 1. is a figure of speech. like most NT talk it isnt meant to be taken literally.
2. smile and hello is fine
3. look at mouth and alternate your gaze between eyes, mouth and looking away. more than 4 seconds staring at one location is too long.
4. not bad advice just to give acknoledgement to the one who is talking to you that you are recieving what is being said.
if your looking down it can be hard fo rthem to know if you understand.
5. place one wrist into the other hand and place both in front of your crotch. this is a neutral expresion. |
Thanks for responding. I had to think over what you wrote for a few days. On #3, why is 4 seconds to long and not 3 or 5? Not arguing or anything, just curious.
On #5 wouldn't placing my hands in front of me as you described has a mild sexual overtone to it???? Probably not, but I just don't get it. When I talk to people it is sometimes like a mix of Spock from Star trek and The Terminator.
_________________
To fear change is meaningless, for change will still come regardless of one's personal desire. Remember your allies of hope, patience, and perseverance well, for they will standby you to the completion.
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Tohlagos
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 26, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 954
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:45 am Post subject: |
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| blamo wrote: | A couple of tips I have learned over the years.
Look at the person talking to you, respond accordingly, you may have to pay attention to your facial expressions and tone of voice. Smile when the conversation is pleasant or show concern as needed.
Replies show a few things, that you are listening and that you care about what they are saying. If your grinning while they are talking about a passed away aunt your gonna look like an ass.
People will say "have a nice day" See ya' later" or such as generic greetings. They are pleasantries. Accept them as such. It may help if you talk slower, it gives me time to think so I don't say something that sounds weird to "normal People"
Telling a friend "nice to see you" is a way to show that, well, your glad to see them. People want to be wanted by others. We all do.
Don't focus on logic, saying "god bless you" when someone sneezes is totally illogical, but some people get terribly offended if you don't. Society norms don't always make sense. |
Thanks. Some of these may be helpful. When I am talking to people, I do have to consciously show facial reactions and voice responses. Otherwise I will just stare at them since they have my undivided attention.
I will try your idea of talking slower. I can talk really fast sometimes because it is easier for me... and I used to think it was better to get more information out quicker as some form of efficient method for conversation. I've learned that otherwise than it is not only what you say, but how you say it that is just as important.
I still don't get it all though. But, if it helps put others at ease, I will fake it.
_________________
To fear change is meaningless, for change will still come regardless of one's personal desire. Remember your allies of hope, patience, and perseverance well, for they will standby you to the completion.
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Tohlagos
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 26, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 954
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:48 am Post subject: Re: Can anyone help? |
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| zee wrote: | | Tohlagos wrote: |
5) (Last one, there are many more, but I didn't want to write a book.) When standing and talking to someone I was told that I shouldn't cross my arms across my chest. That can be seen as a defensive step or arrogant. Well, I can get anxiety while talking to someone and doing that helps me to focus on them. Would it be ok, if I put my hands behind my back and locked my fingers together? Or is putting my hands behind my back seen as some form of rudeness as well???
. |
putting your hands behind your back is supposed to show "openness", it's the opposite of having your hands in front of you. You could also put your hands in your pockets (just with the thumbs), or hands together like the previous poster said.
There are some good books on reading body language with lots of pictures, you can get them at libraries. I've found them to be quite helpful in reading other people, even if we don't use the same gestures. |
Okie dokie! I guess I will just have to experiment until I get some sort of "method" worked out. When I have time to prepare for a conversation I will memorize what I hope to say and certain reactions as well. When things are unexpected or impromptu, that's the hard time. I usually just stand there for a few seconds with a blank stare until my mind has a chance to catch up.
_________________
To fear change is meaningless, for change will still come regardless of one's personal desire. Remember your allies of hope, patience, and perseverance well, for they will standby you to the completion.
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zee
human wannabe
Joined: Jul 19, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 1122
Location: backstage
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:17 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, I do that to. But most people don't mind if you're spaced out as much as if you appear rude. But I like to try and figure out how other people feel by the way they stand, the gestures they make, etc.
_________________
Oh how I wish for soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again |
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Zsazsa
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Posts: 687
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 11:45 am Post subject: |
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Consider all those airline passengers on the planes that flew into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and the farmland in Pennsylvanlia..."have a safe trip" was pleasantly said by family members as loved ones boarded each plane but tragically, it
did not do any good. |
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