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NihilKri
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 28, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 4
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 Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 6:24 pm Post subject: Did I make a fatal mistake? |
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| My girlfriend of five months and I were talking, and I said something and made her upset. She started crying and yelling and I didn't know what to do. Before I could think of anything I lied to make her feel better. I know it was wrong to lie to her, but I panicked at her reaction. After a while I admitted my lie, but that only made her even more upset. She doesn't trust me anymore and when I apologized she said I was giving her a guilt trip and she's afraid I'll keep hurting her. I learned from my mistake and I won't make it again. Please give me advice, I love her and don't want to lose her. Two extra questions, what did she mean by guilt trip, and she said "I need time to think." Is that bad? |
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2059
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, generally, 'I need time to think' is bad.
First, tell us what this argument was about, becuase that's more important than the aftermath at this point really. |
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Paula
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 16, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 732
Location: San Diego Calif
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Ok what in the world did you say???? I'm a woman and I'm guessing she's over reacting and putting the guilt trip on you...which means...making you feel so guilty that you'll do what you can to appease her. But then again, I don't know what you said....it would have to be a doosey in order to justify her behavior. But you know what???? We won't hold it against you here. |
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AussieMatt
Toucan
Joined: Jun 14, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 257
Location: NSW, Australia
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 7:11 pm Post subject: |
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She is screwing you stupid. Guilt trip means goodbye, sorry i cheated on you because i wasn't even trying to be picky on you at time we met. So long sucker.
_________________
Cheers
Matt |
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NihilKri
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 28, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 9:25 pm Post subject: |
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What happened was I looked on google for her, just to see what I could find. After about 3000 pages, I found her picture on an old social site she hasn't been to in over two years. When I showed her the picture, that's when she got upset. After the initial reaction, she apologized and said it was from when she was with an old boyfriend, and she didn't want to be reminded of him. The problem isn't what she did, it's forgiven and forgotten, but how I panicked and lied.
To specify, it wasn't she that gave me the guilt trip, I apologized and she said I was giving her the guilt trip. I thought that was how I apologized, my mom says it when I apologize to her, but I didn't understand exactly what it meant I was doing. Was I overapologetic maybe? |
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pakled
"Bless his Heart"
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Age: 51
Posts: 3044
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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it's only fatal if someone dies.
But looking through 3000 pages? That's going to be seen as 'creepy' at the least. What were you looking for? Most women want to share things; all you have to do is ask. If they don't want you to know, they'll tell you. |
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NihilKri
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 28, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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| I realized that now, far too late. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, just anything. I just lost track of time, and I didn't notice the count until I looked up and it was 3000 something. And it was 3000 entries, not pages. 30 pages of 100 each. I have a habit of overresearching, I guess. That was the only one I found that had anything to do with her, everything else was just people of the same name, so I didn't even look at them. |
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Paula
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 16, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 732
Location: San Diego Calif
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 11:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Oh for peet sake when you realised you upset her you did the right thing and apologized. She needs to build a bridge and get over it. She's being rediculous. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 8059
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 9:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Paula wrote: | | Oh for peet sake when you realised you upset her you did the right thing and apologized. She needs to build a bridge and get over it. She's being rediculous. |
and anyone can be as rediculous as they care to be. I have often been thought "rediculous" when I was using the moment to break up with them as I wanted to do anyway.
someone doesn't have to forgive anyone that lies to them. . lies to them while they are crying, for pete's sake.
Merle
_________________
I freed thousands of slaves; I could have freed more if they knew they were slaves.
-Harriet Tubman |
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Saffy
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 15, 2008
Posts: 230
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 2:20 am Post subject: |
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If you value the relationship.. stick to the truth ( I guess that lesson is learned )
Also I understand why she was upset.. she felt like you were checking up on her.. or prying .. neither of which are nice feelings. Respect her privacy. No doubt she has had some kinf of life before you.. and not all of those things she may want to share with you, you need to respect that. |
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ShadesOfMe
Kivatesavam The Pink Bunnay!
Joined: Jul 01, 2004
Age: 17
Posts: 16103
Location: California....or the cuteness place with One-winged-angel
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 6:25 am Post subject: |
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| JohnHopkins wrote: | Yes, generally, 'I need time to think' is bad.
First, tell us what this argument was about, becuase that's more important than the aftermath at this point really. |
It is??? She must be NT then, because when aspies say that it is not bad.
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My Bunny will *eet* your bunny for brekfist!
Wolfs are for loving.
One winged Angel is my boyfriend. 
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lotusblossom
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 461
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:27 pm Post subject: |
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Did you say "Im giving you the guilt trip" back to her, if so, that means you were doing it (showing her the picture) to make her feel guilty. Giving someone a guilt trip means doing something purposely to make them feel guilty (manipulating them).
hope that makes things clearer |
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ToadOfSteel
Extremist Moderate
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2819
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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| NihilKri wrote: | | I realized that now, far too late. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, just anything. I just lost track of time, and I didn't notice the count until I looked up and it was 3000 something. And it was 3000 entries, not pages. 30 pages of 100 each. I have a habit of overresearching, I guess. That was the only one I found that had anything to do with her, everything else was just people of the same name, so I didn't even look at them. |
If you were spending time looking her up on the internet instead of talking to her, she probably thinks that you don't trust her or something... |
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