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Timpanogos
Butterfly
Joined: Oct 04, 2008
Posts: 14
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 Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 8:34 pm Post subject: Has anyone never had a GF/BF before? |
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In all of my 34 years of life I had never ever had a Girlfriend before. Yes I'm still a virgin and happy of that. I want to save sex until I get married to the right girl and the right reasons too. Alot of times I feel really lonely because I never had a girlfriend before. Yes I had and have many girls that are my friends but It never gets as far as a "Girlfreind & Boyfriend Relantionship". Sometimes I wonder if there is a Mormon/LDS girl out there for me. Also its hard for me to get out meet new LDS women. I have a big fear of rejection and I don't know how to socailize with women. It's also hard for me to pick up on socail cues and body lauguge.
When I was in 2nd-3rd grade I fell in love with this girl. She found out about it and she was really mean about it. I think that is one of the reasons I have this big fear of rejection. I afraid that if I'm rejected then the woman won't like me and be all mean about it.
Thanks,
Timpanogos |
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TheMidnightJudge
Ghost in the Machine
Joined: Mar 29, 2007
Posts: 1379
Location: New England
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 8:46 pm Post subject: |
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I've never had a gf. And I don't think I'm alone on that here.
It seems to me, you either put in the effort and maybe succeed, or you stay in your comfort zone.
Personally, I used to blame autism, but now I realize I never put in the effort, and that's whats to blame. I don't have the motivation....
Good luck though, if you want a relationship it's probably worth going after.
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"My witness is the empty sky" |
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Orwell
Outer Party Member
Joined: Aug 09, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 4243
Location: Room 101
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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Never had a gf, had sex, been out on a date, or kissed a girl.
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WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH |
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V4der
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Sep 12, 2008
Posts: 182
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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I've had one traditional girlfriend (common courtship, gifts, acting like a true gentleman, etc.) That's back before I understood how to interact with women like I do now. There's a couple of girls I have developed feelings for, and I've been thinking about leaving behind my lifestyle where I'm approaching women as a hobby. I just don't know which one to choose to be my long-term partner. Very hard decision.
|-o-| V4der |-o-| |
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Social_Fantom
Unmasked
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 11696
Location: Dobson, North Carolina
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Orwell wrote: | | Never had a gf, had sex, been out on a date, or kissed a girl. |
I've had a girl friend in the past (though not serious). I've never had sex, been on a date, or kissed anyone either.
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Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
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Synth
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 04, 2008
Posts: 340
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 9:12 pm Post subject: |
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I have plenty of times but it never lasts more than two weeks. Its always the same, they find you attractive then they get turned off by your aspieness and they end up leading you on and sh** and two weeks later you are alone again, crushed.
Last edited by Synth on Sun Oct 05, 2008 9:25 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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poopylungstuffing
"Ultimate Creative Oddball"
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 4234
Location: not otherwise specified
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ValMikeSmith
Velociraptor
Joined: May 19, 2008
Posts: 488
Location: Stranger in a strange land
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hopelessaspielover
Hummingbird
Joined: Apr 26, 2008
Posts: 20
Location: Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 9:15 pm Post subject: girfriend issues |
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Don't worry about it. That was a very long time ago. Women are different from little girls. They have more respect for people and their emotions, and we aren't so petty and immature about it anymore. Just try your best. Maybe do some online dating? Look for people who have an understanding that you find it difficult to relay your emotions. Let them know that you need to be told how to be and what to do, adn I'm sure if they liked you enough, they'd do that simple thing for you. Just be yourself. You'll find someone who;s perfect for you. Why don't you try dating a girl Asperger on here? It could happen, you know. By the way, welcome to WP!!! ♥
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"Here's to the crazy ones... Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.& |
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Orwell
Outer Party Member
Joined: Aug 09, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 4243
Location: Room 101
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 9:23 pm Post subject: |
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| V4der wrote: | | my lifestyle where I'm approaching women as a hobby. |
Charming. I take it you've given me up as a lost cause in your Cyanide thread? I was eagerly awaiting the next installment of advice there.
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WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH |
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nightbender
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Posts: 643
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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| 26 yrs old abouletly nothing. no sex relationships kisses dates female friends of anykind nothing. |
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V4der
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Sep 12, 2008
Posts: 182
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 9:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Orwell wrote: | | V4der wrote: | | my lifestyle where I'm approaching women as a hobby. |
Charming. I take it you've given me up as a lost cause in your Cyanide thread? I was eagerly awaiting the next installment of advice there. |
I'd forgotten. I said I would, so I will. So you can apparently approach women and start conversations. Now... it's important what kind of questions you ask. The questions have to get this across:
- You're curious/interested
- You make other people think and feel
Curious/interested: The fact you are walking up to her to start a conversation and asking questions about her.
Think/feel: The fact that you ask open-ended questions that pertain to her opinions and feelings about a subject matter (stay away from religion, politics, like God VS Satan and Abortion, crap like that)
This means you ask questions that don't require just a Yes/No answer. No one word answers. That's boring. Ask questions that require in-depth thought, and questions that evoke her innermost feelings.
Chit-chat (as you already know how to do), progress the conversation into heavier material, and use this:
"I know this may cover a wide range of possibilities. Deep down, beneath what the world tells you to want... what would really bring fulfillment and happiness to your life?"
It's important to actually care about her answer. Otherwise? It'd be a silly script. You have to ask it out of honesty.
Okay, experiment with this and get back in touch.
|-o-| V4der |-o-| |
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Orwell
Outer Party Member
Joined: Aug 09, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 4243
Location: Room 101
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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| V4der wrote: | I'd forgotten. I said I would, so I will. So you can apparently approach women and start conversations. Now... it's important what kind of questions you ask. The questions have to get this across:
- You're curious/interested
- You make other people think and feel
Curious/interested: The fact you are walking up to her to start a conversation and asking questions about her.
Think/feel: The fact that you ask open-ended questions that pertain to her opinions and feelings about a subject matter (stay away from religion, politics, like God VS Satan and Abortion, crap like that)
This means you ask questions that don't require just a Yes/No answer. No one word answers. That's boring. Ask questions that require in-depth thought, and questions that evoke her innermost feelings.
Chit-chat (as you already know how to do), progress the conversation into heavier material, and use this:
"I know this may cover a wide range of possibilities. Deep down, beneath what the world tells you to want... what would really bring fulfillment and happiness to your life?"
It's important to actually care about her answer. Otherwise? It'd be a silly script. You have to ask it out of honesty.
Okay, experiment with this and get back in touch.
|-o-| V4der |-o-| |
Hm. Some of that may be difficult. To do that, I'd have to find a way to get a girl alone for some period of time. I could hypothetically just flout all social convention by going a floor up to the girls' dorms and accosting one of them.  Has the potential to be awkward, but if I don't let that show through they would probably become more interested. I am still not good at this "chit-chat" but I can at least avoid the worst conversational failures most of the time. Your sample question seems... well, a bit on the creepy side. Seems like it might scare them off.
I have no time this week (really, really should not be on here right now) but I'll try out something along those lines next weekend and tell you how it goes. Also, I have to get up the balls to not care about potentially making a complete ass of myself, as your proposal seems risky enough to backfire a bit.
For the remainder of this conversation, I think it might be best to either return to Cyanide thread or take it to PMs- I don't want to hijack Timpanogos thread.
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WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH |
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V4der
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Sep 12, 2008
Posts: 182
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Hm. Some of that may be difficult. To do that, I'd have to find a way to get a girl alone for some period of time. I could hypothetically just flout all social convention by going a floor up to the girls' dorms and accosting one of them. Has the potential to be awkward, but if I don't let that show through they would probably become more interested. I am still not good at this "chit-chat" but I can at least avoid the worst conversational failures most of the time. |
Bookstores, public parks, anywhere is fine. I suggest expanding out beyond exclusively dorms.
| Quote: | | Your sample question seems... well, a bit on the creepy side. Seems like it might scare them off. |
Seems like it. And it may scare some off. But in my experience, with most women, they are more than willing to answer a question like that (after some reflection).
If they say something to the effect of "That's a hard question to answer"... , which you will run into, follow that up with an inspiration such as: "It is. You seem smart, though, I think you can come up with an answer."
| Quote: | I have no time this week (really, really should not be on here right now) but I'll try out something along those lines next weekend and tell you how it goes. Also, I have to get up the balls to not care about potentially making a complete ass of myself, as your proposal seems risky enough to backfire a bit.  |
Risk is necessary. Chances are, that risk will only magnify your social anxiety about the whole deal. You'll question yourself. Think yourself unworthy. Constantly be wondering what they think/may think about you. Wonder if you'll be mauled by a group of other suiters.
Then you start to realize that having balls of steel isn't about being fearless. It's about having almost crippling fear, and forcing yourself to do it anyway.
Do it anyway.
I do.
| Quote: | | For the remainder of this conversation, I think it might be best to either return to Cyanide thread or take it to PMs- I don't want to hijack Timpanogos thread. |
Sure, good point. Just make your next response in PM.
|-o-| V4der |-o-| |
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ToadOfSteel
Extremist Moderate
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2819
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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20... never gotten on base before. Took a few swings, but all strikeouts and a pop-fly to the second baseman...
In non-"baseball" terms, a string of rejections and a fake gf that I never really did anything with for about a month... never kissed or had sex before either... |
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