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Apatura
Mimosa pudica
Joined: Jul 25, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 1240
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 Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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Daniel Hammet's gay? Oh man, my crush is fruitless then.   
I think the question is whether the child in question is concluding he's gay through negative or positive inference. If he didn't like being touched by a girl, is he thinking he's gay? Or because he feels like an oddball? Or is he actually attracted to other males? |
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Rebecca_L
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 29, 2008
Age: 45
Posts: 186
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 1:02 am Post subject: |
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Apparently a higher percentage of people on the autism spectrum are homosexual than in the NT community, so it's very possible your child IS homosexual. However, at 13 it is also very possible that other factors than sexual preference are at play. I think that calling a local support group for some advice in how to approach this would be a good idea (as others have already suggested). I also think that you should sit down with him, whether he's comfortable or not, and have a very frank conversation about sex. Try to make it clear that a) he's young to be sexually active and you encourage him to wait until he's older, regardless of what gender partner he prefers, and b) that you support him no matter what his sexual preference is. Then be very, very frank about sexually transmitted diseases and make sure he understands EXACTLY what safe sex is.
I can't guarantee, no matter what you do, that your child will actually take the conversation to heart. (My son did, my daughter didn't. She made me a grandma when she was 17. sigh <But I adore my grandson, don't get me wrong there.>) However, at least by having the conversation you can be sure he has the facts, regardless of what he does with them. |
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Lainey
Emu Egg
Joined: Oct 06, 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 3:05 am Post subject: |
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Thanks!
some really interesting and helpful responses!
I think it has come as a shock to me as he seemed to be interested in girls and recently went out with a girl a couple of times.
We stay in a rural part of the UK where it can be difficult to be different in any way so I really do worry about him.
We do have a local LGBT Youth support worker so I may put him in touch if he wants. I've talked to his school and they will do what they can to stop bullying. He's such a sensitive boy though and even low level teasing will upset him greatly. I just wish he had talked to me before he announced it on his internet page! |
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ShadesOfMe
Kivatesavam The Pink Bunnay!
Joined: Jul 01, 2004
Age: 17
Posts: 16103
Location: California....or the cuteness place with One-winged-angel
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 6:51 am Post subject: |
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A *lot* of aspies are Gay. I think it's wonderful that he is finding himself.
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Ishmael
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 08, 2008
Posts: 1170
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:10 am Post subject: |
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| ShadesOfMe wrote: | | A *lot* of aspies are Gay. I think it's wonderful that he is finding himself. |
Where do you get that from?
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Kelsi
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 23, 2007
Posts: 643
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:36 am Post subject: |
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| Does your son view sexuality in terms of being either straight or gay? Personally, I believe that sexuality is a continuum, and that a person can be located at any point on that continuum for any length of time. I believe that while some people may stay at the same point on that continuum for their whole life, other people may move from one point to another. Maybe it might help to explain that there are more kinds of sexuality than just heterosexuality and homosexuality - i.e. bisexuality, asexuality, and pansexuality. |
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ShadesOfMe
Kivatesavam The Pink Bunnay!
Joined: Jul 01, 2004
Age: 17
Posts: 16103
Location: California....or the cuteness place with One-winged-angel
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:58 am Post subject: |
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| Ishmael wrote: | | ShadesOfMe wrote: | | A *lot* of aspies are Gay. I think it's wonderful that he is finding himself. |
Where do you get that from? |
It's pretty much true. over the years i've been posting on here, there has been a giant amount of people in the LGBT community posting here, also many Asexual people.
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My Bunny will *eet* your bunny for brekfist!
Wolfs are for loving.
One winged Angel is my boyfriend.
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digger1
perturbed spirit
Joined: Sep 13, 2007
Age: 35
Posts: 2380
Location: The Nexus of Sominus
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 8:16 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | My 13yr old Aspie son thinks he's gay |
good for him.
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Mage
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 11, 2006
Posts: 839
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 9:56 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm, I was thinking a lot about this last night, mostly from the POV of what if my son announced he was gay?
Probably the first thing I would do at 13 is make sure he understands that no 13 year old should be exploring sexuality with other people, whether they are straight or gay. No one ever got pregnant or STDs from masturbation. 
Secondly, I agree with a lot of posters who have already posted, that sexuality is not just gay or straight. There is bisexual of varying amounts towards female or male, or asexuality. Some people confuse not liking the opposite sex for homosexuality when in reality their not attracted to either sex.
There is a time and a place for all things, and that time and place is college. I know people who went into college one sexuality and came out a different one, whether straight to gay or gay to straight or bisexual to straight or whatever. He's got a lot of time yet to decide what he wants in life, and there's no reason he needs to pick a "side" so early in life. |
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slowmutant
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 8640
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 9:59 am Post subject: |
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I was never aware of having picked a side.
I never came to my mom and said, "I think I might be straight." |
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Mage
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 11, 2006
Posts: 839
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 10:22 am Post subject: |
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| Well, I never talked about it to my parents in either way but I've never considered myself 100% straight, I think if I would have found the love of my life to be a woman things might have turned out a lot differently for me. Everyone is different though. |
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slowmutant
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 8640
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 10:29 am Post subject: |
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| I knew I was different years before I'd ever heard of Asperger's Syndrome. As a little boy, I knew I was different from the other kids on the playground, but I knew not how. Some thing are known in the gut, others in the head. |
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Lainey
Emu Egg
Joined: Oct 06, 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:20 am Post subject: |
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Hi
I'm feeling much calmer about this now. I've talked to the local LGBT youth support worker.
She will soon be starting a local group, so I will talk to DS and see if he would like to join in.
She was very sensible and said that she talks to her younger lgbt clients a lot about internet safety and safety in general.
I still feel concerned that he has came out so openly about this at such a young age but will support him whatever happens! |
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 2053
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:35 am Post subject: |
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There is nothing about being an aspie that means you can't be gay.
Think of the age of your first crush - you could tell long before you were 13 that you were heterosexual.
As for your son going out with girls, I went out with guys who weren't remotely what I was attracted to when I was that age. Also many of the gay guys I knew had girlfriends in their early teens (which could possibly be partially attributed to wanting to hide their gayness, or their own verification of their homosexuality. In one case, I know of a gay guy and a gay girl who were dating each other in high school
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kramer1
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 29
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:49 am Post subject: |
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Wow. I couldn't even imagine how to handle this. All I can say is...
Homosexuality is not ok with me and if my son or my gf's son (the Aspie) proclaimed to be so I would express my displeasure whether they had Aspergers or not. I would not be ok with this.....AT ALL.
I'm sure I'd get over it eventually, but you should definitely not hold back your feelings simply due to his AS. |
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