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violet_yoshi
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 16, 2004
Posts: 817
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 Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 11:50 am Post subject: Do you feel odd when a guy calls you names like sweetie? |
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| I met someone in a chat, and imed them. Then they started flirting with me, like calling me honey and sweetie, and it's like "I just met you and you're already trying to get with me?" it just makes me feel icky. Like, why can't we just talk without it being like, a flirting situation? Does anyone else hate when this happens? |
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Jenk
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 02, 2008
Posts: 325
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 1:31 pm Post subject: |
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 Honey, how are you hun, gorgeous, beatuiful one, the worst was something like, how are you miss, urgh. I have a name, stick to it. In fact don't say hi, just start talking. One guy at University got it right, he just called. Started with POW once, which was certainly a pleasant enough way of making your presence known!
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Emoal6
Toucan
Joined: May 16, 2006
Age: 23
Posts: 289
Location: phoenix AZ
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 3:31 pm Post subject: |
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ok, so when we dont know your name and/or we want you to understand we're intrested(in even just being friends), we're supposed to just say your name only. Or only not even mention it, like just start a conversation. That just doesnt seem right if you look at it. Besides, 9/10 people in this world, NT or not, say those TERMS OF ENDEARMENT(WOMEN INCLUDED). They're MEANT to put you at ease, not to make you feel "icky".
It stems from our history as a society. I never heard my dad call ANYWOMAN by their name EXCEPT for my mother(other than a few instances where one woman didnt do her job right for our business). See, sometimes you EARN your name. My father was a very affectionate person with people in general, he called women dear, darlin, babe, sweetie, and many others, but out of respect for his wife he didnt give them a name. He was merely being conversational and social. He was trying to uplift the person he was speaking with, not take them down a notch like you seem to be because someone called you babe or dear or whatever.
I think you should re-evaluate your opinion on these words. Otherwise, ONE DAY, you'll wish someone would call you them while you have several cats in a small apt. Besides, just realize MOST guys follow thier father's footsteps. Maybe thats how they see their dad talking to their mom. Maybe thats how they were taught to treat a woman. You compliment women with these names in order to let them know you're comfortable with yourself and them. |
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Fnord
Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 3658
Location: Pantopia
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 3:43 pm Post subject: Re: Do you feel odd when a guy calls you names like sweetie? |
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| violet_yoshi wrote: | | Do you feel odd when a guy calls you names like sweetie? |
"Icky" doesn't even begin to describe the feeling... 
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violet_yoshi
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 16, 2004
Posts: 817
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Emoal6 wrote: | ok, so when we dont know your name and/or we want you to understand we're intrested(in even just being friends), we're supposed to just say your name only. Or only not even mention it, like just start a conversation. That just doesnt seem right if you look at it. Besides, 9/10 people in this world, NT or not, say those TERMS OF ENDEARMENT(WOMEN INCLUDED). They're MEANT to put you at ease, not to make you feel "icky".
It stems from our history as a society. I never heard my dad call ANYWOMAN by their name EXCEPT for my mother(other than a few instances where one woman didnt do her job right for our business). See, sometimes you EARN your name. My father was a very affectionate person with people in general, he called women dear, darlin, babe, sweetie, and many others, but out of respect for his wife he didnt give them a name. He was merely being conversational and social. He was trying to uplift the person he was speaking with, not take them down a notch like you seem to be because someone called you babe or dear or whatever.
I think you should re-evaluate your opinion on these words. Otherwise, ONE DAY, you'll wish someone would call you them while you have several cats in a small apt. Besides, just realize MOST guys follow thier father's footsteps. Maybe thats how they see their dad talking to their mom. Maybe thats how they were taught to treat a woman. You compliment women with these names in order to let them know you're comfortable with yourself and them. |
Yeah but it would seem more Aspies, given that they may not know how to behave towards a situation where someone is talking to them with terms of endearment, are freaked out by it. I mean, is it so hard to ask someone's name? |
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Amicitia
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 23, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 58
Location: NJ, USA
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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I don't think I would take that from a guy - especially a guy I didn't know. I don't even like it from my (same-aged female) friend. It feels condescending.
It strikes me as socially agressive to use these kinds of dimunitives and pet names for someone you don't know well. They're saying that they're in a position of power over you, and that they have the right to call you like a little girl. Ugh indeed. |
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Apatura
Mimosa pudica
Joined: Jul 25, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 1240
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 6:05 pm Post subject: |
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| When I have been called such names I always have to fight the instinct to look behind me, to see who they're actually talking to. |
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Emoal6
Toucan
Joined: May 16, 2006
Age: 23
Posts: 289
Location: phoenix AZ
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 6:43 pm Post subject: |
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I see your points, do not get me wrong. Im just speaking from personal experience. And honestly, a guy who doesnt use those pet names gives me fear for you ladies. As much as many of you believe they're bein condesending or power aggressive, it is merely a term of endearment. Women ask for a man to show them they care and this is the best we've come up with to show we'd like to.
You ladies no longer want a guy to think he should provide for you because he's "buying your affection/attention". you dont want a man to be chivalrous because you see it as needy or clingy.
Oh, and for the girl who asked if its so hard to ask for a name and use it? Yes it is, and the reason being is because women will QUICKLY put you in the "FRIEND ZONE" if you dont show enough intrest in becoming romantic.
Face it, if you're on a chat room, bar/club, or any other social gathering of people, you're looking for companionship on some level. You're looking to connect with someone. I just feel you ladies are limiting what a man can do to grab your attention. Sure it can be "creepy" for a guy to call you hun right off the back. But wouldnt you rather him call you that than repeating a name you didnt even choose? Your parents gave you this name, they didnt, and its awkward to ask someone what thier name is in the first couple seconds of a conversation. What else are they supposed to call you during this time?
Besides, you could just tell the guy as soon as he does say one of those words, "hey, Im sorry, Im just not a fan of those pet names, could you just call me (enter name here)?" If they wont, then stop talking to them. |
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lionesss
The Queen of not your typical kind of jungle
Joined: Aug 22, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 1013
Location: not anywhere near you
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 10:34 pm Post subject: |
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I honestly hate it, but I have learned to put up with it. I have never called my husband or any of my ex's "sweetie" or "hun" or whatever.
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I was told that I have PDD-NOS and ADHD- in other words, mild AS with a history of speech delay. I personally think its best to say that I am just plain under the spectrum! |
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Cyberman
Cyber Lieutenant
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 1259
Location: Cyber Control
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 11:07 pm Post subject: |
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I don't like how some people (mostly women) throw around pet names all the time, even calling strangers names like "honey," "sweetie," "baby," etc. It's like, why are you calling me that if you don't give a damn about me?  |
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Fnord
Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 3658
Location: Pantopia
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 11:49 pm Post subject: |
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^^ Oh, I don't agree, Cybes!
It's always nice to pull in to a diner in a small mid-western town and have a grand-motherly waitress call me "Hon," "Darlin," or "Shug." I feel more welcome.
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The leaders of the American automobile industry have been amazingly consistent in their management philosophy, in that they have never missed an opportunity to miss an opportunity. |
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beautifuloblivion
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 06, 2007
Posts: 1122
Location: Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 12:23 am Post subject: |
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| I don't mind being called pet names. If you call me "babe" or "angel", I'll swoon. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I'll usually get butterflies in my stomach. Heck, even if a complete slimebag who is twenty years older than me, is sweet talkin' me, I'll still feel a tad bit flattered deep down. |
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LKL
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 22, 2007
Age: 32
Posts: 1081
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 12:35 am Post subject: |
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| Emoal6 wrote: | | ...it is merely a term of endearment. |
"merely"?
It is ok for a total stranger to be endearing towards a strange child, or a strange dog. It is not respectful to be endearing to a strange adult.
| Quote: | | Women ask for a man to show them they care and this is the best we've come up with to show we'd like to. |
"women"? Who? What women? I certianly never did. I'd choose respect over false friendship from a complete stranger, any day.
| Quote: | | Oh, and for the girl who asked if its so hard to ask for a name and use it? Yes it is, and the reason being is because women will QUICKLY put you in the "FRIEND ZONE" if you dont show enough intrest in becoming romantic. |
Asking for a name is showing interest in someone as an individual person. Calling the same person 'sweetie' or 'dear' is treating them as a generic cute thing to be placated and then sent to its virginal/neutered bed. Not exactly romantic.
| Quote: | | What else are they supposed to call you during this time? |
How about, "Excuse me... what should I call you?" after an introduction that establishes mutual interest.
Honestly, I don't mind when most old men or women call me sweetie or dear. If someone is 40 or more years older than me, I don't mind if they treat me like one of their grandkids that they can't keep track of. On the other hand, I think that it would be supremely disrespectful for me to address them in the same manner, and I don't think that anyone my parents' age or younger has a right to call me by the diminutive that my mother uses. It's even creepier when a man seems to be combining the 'daddy/boyfriend' role by using the diminutives that a parent uses with a child.
The other place it really bothers me is at work, where a lot of my co-workers cally the patients 'sweetie,' 'dear,' or 'hon.' I personally find it extremely disrespectful, and we have in fact had inservices to that end, and yet people keep on doing it. It emphasizes that the patient is in a child-like role, and the nurses and doctors 'know what's best' and the patient should just do what they're told. |
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Cyberman
Cyber Lieutenant
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 1259
Location: Cyber Control
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 1:32 am Post subject: |
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I'm with LKL. The reason I don't like it is that it's disrespectful, because those terms are usually reserved for:
1) Children
2) Significant others
Well, anyone can see that I am neither of those things. If you're a stranger, I know you don't care about me, and I don't expect you to. What I DO expect, however, is a little respect. Is that too much to ask? I don't want to be worshipped or fawned over... I just want to be acknowledged as an "equal." So if you're going to call me names, at least have the decency to use ones which indicate friendship, like "bud," "man," "bro, "pal," "mate," etc. |
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tomboy4good
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 15, 2008
Posts: 628
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:39 am Post subject: |
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| Cyberman wrote: | I'm with LKL. The reason I don't like it is that it's disrespectful, because those terms are usually reserved for:
1) Children
2) Significant others
Well, anyone can see that I am neither of those things. If you're a stranger, I know you don't care about me, and I don't expect you to. What I DO expect, however, is a little respect. Is that too much to ask? I don't want to be worshipped or fawned over... I just want to be acknowledged as an "equal." So if you're going to call me names, at least have the decency to use ones which indicate friendship, like "bud," "man," "bro, "pal," "mate," etc. |
It makes me extremely uncomfortable when anyone uses terms of endearment towards me if I am not in a romantic relationship with them. For example, when my male boss (married btw) who is younger than me calls me hon. It makes me cringe! It's not gender specific for just men either, I just don't like it from just anyone. Also I had a co-worker who crossed the line by whacking me on the behind.  He was a lot older than me, & that's just gross. All I ask for is to be treated with a little respect...it shouldn't be that difficult! I don't use terms of endearment for anyone I don't know or whom I work with. I like to have fun, but that just feels weird to me.
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