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tweety_fan
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 03, 2007
Posts: 1506
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 Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 4:46 am Post subject: |
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it is annoying when they are hard of hearing.
my dad is a good guy for the most part.
i tend to watch horse races with him and sports sometimes. He makes bets with 3 friends in a syndicate setup. every week one of them places $20 on any horses they choose and any monies made are divided between them.
I am interested in history and so is he so i think i inherited the history interest for him.
i also inherited the self critical bit from him i think.
l am lucky to have him. |
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Anemone
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 790
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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I liked my dad, and if he had been more emotionally mature he could have been a great dad. But.
He was/is seriously emotionally immature - at about the 4-year-old level. He's constantly afraid people will stab him in the back so he figures he has to get them first, even if they're little kids. He just doesn't trust anyone. Had he done what I did, and read up on child development, he could probably have felt more comfortable around us and excluded us from his fear/vendetta, instead of being afraid of us too.
I have always had problems being afraid of men, but lately I've been getting better at seeing them as individuals, some safer than others, so I think I'm recovering. Still, it would be nice if he were available as a Dad now. We tend to like doing the same things, and he's good company outdoors. But not in this lifetime, alas.  |
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-gemma-1990-
Blue Jay
Joined: Sep 03, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 87
Location: Liskeard/St. Dennis
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| Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 1:32 pm Post subject: |
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i hate my dad, hes a pisshead, always has been and swears and shouts all the time. hes not allowed to drive because hes always over the limit so i escape from the house as much as i can.
we actually moved house last june because he was being a disturbance in the neighbourhood
_________________
Diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome at 3 years old, just so you all know! 
"If at first you dont succeed, skydiving isnt for you!"
why is boredom so boring? hmm, i wonder... |
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ThatRedHairedGrrl
Toucan
Joined: May 11, 2008
Posts: 295
Location: Totally confusing all the passing piranhas
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| Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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I always thought my dad liked me better than my mother did, up to a certain age at least. There are pics of me as a baby with my dad and my big brother holding me and looking pleased as punch...not my mother. Wish I knew the truth about how things were in my family back then. He used to do a lot of cool, fun things with me as a kid. Took me beachcombing, made things with me in the shed. He didn't mind in the slightest that I wasn't a feminine type of girl.
Thing was, he'd already suffered a bunch of ill health, then when I was twelve he got diagnosed with cancer. I wasn't told that was what it was, I only found out from books a lot later. They didn't tell me anything. But from that moment onwards it seemed my folks were both permanently angry with me. I absolutely couldn't be good enough for them. I could not, hard as I tried, get them to say a good word about me, either of them. I would literally kneel and ask them to say something nice about me, and they'd tell me to get up and not be so stupid, but I felt like crap and I would have died to hear them say that I was good and clever and worthy and all that great stuff. But it seemed all they did was shout at me, and then when I cried they shouted some more. It was years before I linked this to my dad's illness, but I now think it wasn't coincidence. They had to be angry at something, and I was an easy target.
My dad had a foul temper, and while he never laid a hand on me, he was a big guy and I was always terrified that he might hit me. Also, after I started growing up physically, and especially if I wore anything he regarded as too revealing, he would call me horrible things. Words I didn't know he even knew. He was a 'gentleman' of the old school who would never insult or mistreat a lady...but in my teens I learned how narrow his definition of the word 'lady' actually was. Basically it didn't encompass any woman who was any way openly sexual, and he let me know it by treating me more or less with contempt after it was obvious I had any kind of a sex life. There was also the issue that being an early developer and a girl who knew next to nothing about how to deal with guys, I became a target for predatory older men, and I think he actually blamed me for this, even though I hadn't a clue what was going on or how to protect myself from it. That's part of the flipside of that attitude, too.
Also, he despised me for not working, even though I was still at school. Bear in mind this man, like all his generation, left school when he was 14, so any time I stayed on at school after that, he begrudged supporting me. I had summer jobs, but it never seemed to be enough and I'd get an earful any time I asked for anything. I spent precisely three months on the dole between leaving college and finding a job, and it was hellish. He never let up. Trouble was, I was a painfully scared, shy young woman. I was fired from two jobs for being not chatty enough with customers. I wasn't actually lazy, I just couldn't deal with people, and there aren't many jobs you can get at that age that take that into account.
I rarely saw him after I got married, and he died when I was in my twenties. We never did make things up, but with his attitude I'm not sure we ever could have done. Not without me becoming a sweet little girl again, and that was impossible.
My parents and I just lived in different eras. They didn't know how to deal with stuff in a modern, open way, and I suffered a huge amount because of it. I wish it had been different, but that's the way it was.
(The rest of the family, of course, idolizes him, so it's impossible to even speak about any of this...)
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Birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth but sadly we don't speak bird. |
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irishaspie
Raven
Joined: Sep 26, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 122
Location: ireland
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| Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 3:04 pm Post subject: |
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he was always away and faavoured my brother alot more than me,same with my mother...dont talk to them much
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If grass can grow through cement, love can find you at every time in your life.
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FrogGirl
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 14, 2008
Posts: 366
Location: Lost wherever I am
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| Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 1:55 am Post subject: |
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| My dad was the one that I related to . He was talented with acting. He had a scholarship for an acting college, but his parents told him he couldn't go, so he attend the local college and dropped out. he spent the rest of his life working hard phycially demanding jobs till he died at 48.He smoked heavily since he was 18, and drank beer alot. He was undiagnosed with depression, and he would probably fit the AS. His IQ qualified him for Mensa. I think he said it was something like 150. I learned alot from my dad. He died when I was 20. |
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poopylungstuffing
"Ultimate Creative Oddball"
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 4234
Location: not otherwise specified
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Zonder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 769
Location: Great Lakes
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| Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:21 am Post subject: |
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My dad was the son of a disabled coal miner and a mother who committed suicide by drinking Drano when he was six years old. Maybe because of his childhood trauma he had an extreme personality - he had an identical twin brother and my dad was the "good" twin and his brother was the "bad" twin. My dad became a perfectionistic Christian and my uncle became mean and abusive - and was arrested for statutory rape because he had a relationship with a 15 year old student of his.
When my dad was 18 he visited a rather fundamentalist church and was "born again." His aunt thought that he should be committed to an institution because doing the Lord's work and winning souls was all he talked about for years afterwards. His dad also died when he was 18 and he had to serve in WWII. After he returned from the war he had very little support from his remaining family. He had alcoholic uncles but he refused to drink - Dad never drank or had it in the house.
My dad had great difficulty making decisions and revealing anything emotional about himself. He was sometimes talkative at home, but tended to be quiet in unfamiliar surroundings and with people he didn't know. He attended several different colleges, tried to become a church minister but failed at that, and ultimately earned a teaching degree. Because of his perfectionist tendencies and difficulty in understanding emotions of himself and other people, he had difficulty keeping teaching jobs (that he either quit or was fired from) and our family was briefly homeless in the late 1970s.
He had a dry sense of humor, loved puns, sang and played the flute and was rather domestic (liked cooking and cleaning - he had cared for his disabled father), but he was not effiminate. He was directionally challenged and was always stubbing his toes and hitting his head on cupboard doors or car door frames. He had a talent for graphic design and could do complex math computation in his head. According to my mother "he was wonderful as a friend but not as a lover." After my dad suddenly died (after catching a cold), we were told that he had AIDS-related pneumonia - and I assume that he had sex with men at public restrooms.
When I found out that my dad died of AIDS I was incredibly angry, but later my uncles told me that they had all been sexually abused by an older cousin. My poor family. I'm not angry about my dad anymore, just profoundly sad.
How did my father affect me? Having grown up in a fundamentalist household, some days I believe in God and some days I don't. I have more of an ability to make decisions and to tenaciously work on complex tasks than my dad did. But I have a similar problem with emotional regulation and understanding, and I've always thought that I should figure out what is wrong with me before trying to have a romantic relationship and children. I've not wanted to draw anyone else into my emotional/relationship deficit. So I am now 44 and alone, and since learning about the autism spectrum I understand that I can't fix the ASD wiring that runs in my family. I'm now trying to be content with who I am and go on from here.
Z |
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princesseli
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jan 08, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 199
Location: Honolulu HI/ Los Angeles CA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 12:52 am Post subject: |
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| I think my dad has had a huge impact over the person I am today which I resented him for. He's aspie for one(even though he'll never admit it), stubborn, panicky, goes according to a rigid schedule, serious, etc, on the positive, organized and realiable. I have picked up majority of his traits but err...went a totally different direction with them. Over the last couple years, Ive been trying to undo a lot of the traits I dislike. I hate being panicky, overly serious, and nonflexible. Every since I've entered college, in a way you almost let me out of the box. My dad would not approve half the conversations and how majority of thoughts that go on in my head. |
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Chibi_Neko
Want a Cookie
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 1227
Location: Newfoundland, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:54 pm Post subject: |
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My dad gave me more chances then my mom did. My dad told me I can what ever I wanted and he is the reason I was able to be so independent. My mom believes in the whole 'women's job' and 'men's job' but my dad knew that I am capable of doing both.
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Humans are intelligent, but that doesn't make them smart. |
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IdahoRose
Cutie Chaser
Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 4649
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 2:34 pm Post subject: |
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There are two sides to my dad: the first is very friendly, charismatic and child-like. The other side is serious and full of wisdom, knowledge and understanding, especially regarding religious matters.
I was close to my dad as a child because my mom worked a lot. However, our relationship went sour from the time I was about 14 to the time I was about 16. Now he and I are getting along just fine again. |
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