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BigGayAndy
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 16, 2005
Posts: 31
Location: Los Angeles, California
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 Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 10:08 pm Post subject: Making amends to non-Aspies |
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When I was diagnosed a year ago, I felt that perhaps I should contact people from my past and apologize to them for my Asperger's-related behaviors. I was talking to my mother's acquaintance whose son had been diagnosed with Asperger's and who'd given my mother the information about whom to speak to at UCLA in order to have me tested, and I told her that I had started calling people to make amends and apologize. She said to me, "Andy, you do not owe anyone an apology. On the contrary, you are owed apologies, because the system failed you."
I'd be interested to know if anyone else did this when first diagnosed, and how others here feel about the idea of making amends to those we have offended in the past with our so-called "rude behavior".
Big Gay Andy |
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Tere
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 27, 2005
Posts: 529
Location: Columbus, Ohio
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| Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 10:13 pm Post subject: |
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Welcome to Wrong Planet Andy!
No I didn't apologize to anyone. I am pretty quiet and I don't interact that much to begin with.
Your mothers aquaintance is right...you don't owe anyone an apology. |
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Ladysmokeater
Rogue Historian
Joined: Oct 22, 2005
Posts: 1048
Location: North of Atlanta, South of Boston, East of the Mississippi, and West of the Atlantic
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| Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 10:18 pm Post subject: |
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You dont say youre sorry if its not your fault. Being an Aspie is no different than being male, female, black, white, etc. You are born who you are. No one should EVER apologize for that. Those folks that were unaccepting, they should be the ones to say "sorry".
Glad to have ya on Wrong Planet by the way. |
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Larval
Black Doves
Joined: Nov 16, 2005
Posts: 1037
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| Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 10:31 pm Post subject: |
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You owe no apology since you didn't do anything wrong. I agree with the "system failed you" idea - aspies are just like everyone else except in the ways that they are different and they can be very good people, and anyone who you had trouble with due to misinterpretation / misunderstanding should have been able to notice your difference and work around it (granted, no one is perfect, but still). Needing a doctor's note saying that you have trouble with this is silly imho. It is certainly not your fault you are an aspie.
However, you may want to let certain people know what you have been diagnosed with. By certain people I mean those who may have misinterpreted some of your aspie behavior/mannerisms and became offended as a result. |
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kevv729
Shai-Hulud
Joined: Sep 23, 2005
Posts: 2850
Location: SOUTH DAKOTA
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| Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 10:37 pm Post subject: |
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I thought of being Myself with no apologize for anything I did Myself to Myself or Anybody else either. I would be apologizing to many people. That is just Me though.
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GroovyDruid
Columnist
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 384
Location: where I decide
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| Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 1:53 am Post subject: Re: Making amends to non-Aspies |
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| BigGayAndy wrote: | I'd be interested to know if anyone else did this when first diagnosed, and how others here feel about the idea of making amends to those we have offended in the past with our so-called "rude behavior".
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I did apologize to some people after I was diagnosed about six months ago.
I did it for myself, for my own good. It felt cleansing, because I felt I'd done some wrong to a few people when I was particularly stressed out. It didn't matter whether it was really my FAULT or not.
I just wanted to be reconciled with my brothers, so to speak. It helped me move forward in my life.
Understand, I didn't apologize for being AS. Rather, I told them I had some new info, and I was sorry if I'd inadvertantly caused them pain during (certain incident).
I agree with what others have told you in that there is no cause to apologize to everyone you know for being how you are. But if you feel the need to right some past wrong that you feel you can now sort out, then that is a courageous and noble act.
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Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
Power and magic in it.
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hale_bopp
Ruffle some Feathers
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 23
Posts: 6318
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 5:59 am Post subject: |
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You know, I think some people deserve an apology, but the more I think about it, they don't really, but alot of people deserve an explanation.
I mean if they don't know what is going on some of my behaviour can come across very rude. |
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hecate
chav slayer
Joined: Jun 22, 2005
Posts: 1011
Location: norwich, UK.
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| Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 9:33 am Post subject: |
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i agree with hale bopp.
i would like to explain to a lot of people why i behaved the way i did but, personally, i do not feel the need to apologise. i can think of far more situations where i am owed an apology! for example, the bullying, being called weird / stupid / crazy, being criticised for things that were beyond my control, being excluded from things, being exploited etc.
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mjs82
Majestic Lord of the Sock Puppets
Joined: Jun 21, 2005
Posts: 2186
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 9:41 am Post subject: |
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Yes, during the process of coming aware of my AS symptoms, I finally got up the nerve after 5 years to tell someone who I had felt I had failed greatly, to try and apologise and tell her the truth after many years. It was hours long and in the end I felt release but she said that I shouldn't have felt so guilty in the first place. 5 years and that was the result.
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Laugh amongst the dust and cobwebs... |
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Endersdragon
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 14, 2005
Posts: 1666
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| Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 12:33 am Post subject: |
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I dont think we owe anyone an apology... anytime I am forced to appolgise I hate it.
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no one gives a sh** ... as long as we smile"
Im tired of smiling.
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PrisonerSix
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 16, 2004
Posts: 456
Location: The Village
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| Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 9:28 am Post subject: |
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You don't owe anyone an apology. Your aspie related behavior probably wasn't near as bad as the way you were treated. You are who you are, and nobody should have to ask forgiveness for that.
I will not apologize for any of my behavior in fact, I think the ones who treated me the way they did should apologize to me! Whether or not they do doesn't matter to me, because I am who I am, I'm true to myself, and I take whatever consequences that has.
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PrisonerSix
"I am not a number, I am a free man!" |
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blackdove
Toucan
Joined: Nov 22, 2005
Age: 25
Posts: 278
Location: spaceship
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| Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 8:17 pm Post subject: all apologies |
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no ..really..why apologize...no one else has to for thier conditions... I say..if you had some strange previous behaviors in the past...recognize your faults and move on. Don't dig the dead up m'kay?
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"The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any" -Fred Astaire |
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Bec
Cramazing
Joined: Aug 18, 2004
Age: 21
Posts: 1916
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| Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 9:13 pm Post subject: |
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I would say it was a mutual apology. When I do something because of my AS that hurts someone else, then still I need to apologise. At the same time, plenty of people felt bad that they weren't as tolerant of me in the past.
| PrisonerSix wrote: | | Your aspie related behavior probably wasn't near as bad as the way you were treated. |
What about those of us that weren't treated badly? Not all people with AS have been abused, bullied, or mistreated. My life has been okay, and I didn't get a rough time from anyone in particular. My struggle was just living in a world that I didn't understand and that didn't understand me. |
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