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IsThisReallyMe
Emu Egg
Joined: Oct 04, 2008
Posts: 5
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 Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 3:40 pm Post subject: An Aspergers Dilemma |
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I am an undiagnosed Aspie (getting evaluated in the next few weeks). Like most of us here, I do not fit the "classic" symptom set, but I hit a lot of them. I learned a long time ago proper business behavior so I am successful at work.
I have a big dilemma: I like people. I like meeting people. I love working a crowd. People fascinate me. At one point when on vacatin with another couple, the husband told me to "stop running for office". This all seems good but with the social clueless that comes with AS it can be a time bomb. Most of the time, no one suspects a thing until I say something awful or break some social moray.
For those who do not despise crowds, how to you balance AS with being a "people person"? |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2528
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 11:25 am Post subject: |
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I'm in the same boat. I always loved people. They still fascinate me to a certain extent. I love being around people and don't tire from it. I don't have a problem with crowds or parties. But I've had to give up on them, for the reasons you mention. "A time bomb" is an excellent way to describe my relationships with people. I can even have a close friend for years and one day I say or do something socially inappropriate (or more inappropriate than usual) and puff! they're gone.
Also, as the years went by, I've found myself more and more bored with shallowness, so nowadays, partly due to necessity and partly for this reason, I'm a recluse.
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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SoulDriven
Hummingbird
Joined: Oct 08, 2008
Age: 32
Posts: 18
Location: Michigan, USA
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 3:26 pm Post subject: |
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I've been working in IT doing Desktop Administration and support for 13 years and have to deal with people on a regular basis. Unlike the 2 of you, I do not particularly like people (the whole shallowness thing drives me crazy as well). But on the other hand I'm impartial and do like meeting people from time to time.
In a way, I've been lucky because they just see me as a bit odd by not reading the cues or by saying something stupid. Most people would never guess that I have AS and just think of me as an "honest asshole" sometimes. They make faces but few run away. Keep in mind that you will never click with everyone, it's not always because of AS. Since my diagnosis last week, I'm awakening to how people react to me. I never suspected having AS prior but it explains a lot and there is a lot of work ahead to better fit and react.
Suppose I didn't really answer your question though. I just dealt with people as hit or miss in the past since never suspecting I was AS. I was subconsciously surrounding myself with good people that made up for my short comings. I've really no clue how to balance AS with being a "people person" but I've gone through life with few hiccups and think I'm rather successful. Sadly I need to back away from my supports and see where I'm really at. Hope to be able to answer this question better in about a year.
Sorry if this is all over the place, it's being typed while talking on the phone. |
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Nachtus01
Blue Jay
Joined: Sep 15, 2008
Age: 36
Posts: 96
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 5:52 pm Post subject: |
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Having AS doesn't not mean that you dont like people. It means you have social issues, such as missing social cues, or making/keeping friends, and other things socially related.
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Doing the right thing isn't always fair, but doing the fair thing is always right. |
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Zonder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 769
Location: Great Lakes
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| Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 6:01 am Post subject: |
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Sometimes we are attracted to the very thing where we have a deficit - and that becomes an obsession. I had trouble learning to read, but once I learned to read I couldn't stop. I also started talking late, but I've become quite a good public speaker because I worked so hard at it over the years.
If you've learned to emulate "normal" to other people, it will be difficult for those people when they experience the other "you." I now regularly ask people if I've overdone it or said something inappropriate. They usually accept when I say "sometimes I can't judge how I'm coming across."
You might have difficulty with a diagnosis because currently the diagnostic criteria say that unless you have a pronounced problem with interpersonal communication, you don't have Asperger's or Pervasive Developmental Disorder.
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