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Viddy
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 16, 2006
Age: 23
Posts: 49
Location: Coleraine, Northern Ireland
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 Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 2:03 am Post subject: |
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| "I think you should marry her." |
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tweety_fan
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 03, 2007
Posts: 1506
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 2:15 am Post subject: Re: Bad advice you've received |
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| mysterious_misfit wrote: | What bad advice have people given you in relation to social difficulties?
I think the all-time worst is to ignore bullying and teasing. ''They just want to get a rise out of you...'' So I thought they'd stop if I didn't respond. They never stopped.
What awful advice! Basically, 'Just shut up and take it.' |
i got that advice too. it is pretty bad.
and also the "they are just jealous of you" line. |
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tweety_fan
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 03, 2007
Posts: 1506
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 2:17 am Post subject: Re: Bad advice you've received |
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| mysterious_misfit wrote: | What bad advice have people given you in relation to social difficulties?
I think the all-time worst is to ignore bullying and teasing. ''They just want to get a rise out of you...'' So I thought they'd stop if I didn't respond. They never stopped.
What awful advice! Basically, 'Just shut up and take it.' |
i got that advice too. it is pretty bad.
and also the "they are just jealous of you" line. |
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DentArthurDent
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 693
Location: Ballarat, Australia
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 3:45 am Post subject: |
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Yeah the bullying advice was terrrible
Dont react - thats a good one because A. its virtuallly impossible not to finally have a meltdown
B. By reacting they then blame you for your black eye
The best 'worst' advice I ever got was to punch them on the nose, of course no one knew much about aspergers back then and the advice giver did not realise that I might not weigh up the person first. Of course the first person to abuse me after this advice just had to be the toughest guy in the school, did I get a beating that time. 
Career advice - you love cooking become a chef, OMG 17 years of stress and meltdowns. On ASD help sites this is often listed as one of the worst professions for aspergers.
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"I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance anyday"
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ripcity
Hummingbird
Joined: Sep 22, 2008
Posts: 18
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 5:24 am Post subject: |
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| Ignore them. It's kind of hard when everyone makes fun of you. |
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 51
Posts: 2904
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 5:26 am Post subject: |
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| Pretty much all advice I've ever been given has been utterly useless. |
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 51
Posts: 2904
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 5:27 am Post subject: |
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double post
Last edited by Postperson on Mon Oct 13, 2008 7:51 am; edited 1 time in total |
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CleverKitten
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 07, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 235
Location: Norfolk, Virginia, USA
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 7:35 am Post subject: |
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"Ignore them." (No, YOU ignore them and see how you feel.)
"They're just jealous." (Although not really advice, but a lame excuse, I think it was somewhat true. I did tend to make better grades than almost everyone else.  )
"Ask him out." (Great, thirteen months of my life, wasted on a nobody.)
"Relax, be yourself!" (An oxymoron if I've ever heard one!)
'Myself' is a tense, nervous, socially withdrawn person. Few people want to be around me when I am being 'myself'.
"Be yourself" means 'Be like everyone else and at the same time, pretend you're an individual.'
"Don't leave the house without makeup on." (Uhh, now I have strangers and weirdos trying to get my number. Ew, ew, ewwwww!)
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"NORMALITY: One day we will find the cure." |
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thomasmom
Emu Egg
Joined: Oct 02, 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 9:46 am Post subject: The bully part |
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| My son has pdd-nos and the school says he is an Aspie. In first grade (the first time, we retained him) he had a bully. I NEVER told him to accept it. I taught him to fight back. It was never physical just being mean and getting friends to gang up on him. Whenever the kid picked on him I taught him to yell LOUDLY "Shut up Riley, I don't want to hear your mouth!) It worked for 2 weeks and we revised what he should do when things quit working. We also called the parents multiple times. The parents even went to the school and watched because of the phone calls and they agreed Riley was bullying him. We spoke with the teacher (who is awesome! We requested her again this year!) She did her best to keep them seperated. The problem is that Thomas didn't always understand the kid was mean. He would want to play with him. We worked on it and now he understands that when people are mean they aren't your friend. This year he is doing sooooo much better! He just went to his first non parent invited birthday party. I found myself hoovering when we got there, so I immediately backed up and left him alone and that worked great. I allowed him to be him and he (and I) had a ball. I'm learning how to help him and give him a great life. Any ideas on what I can do? |
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thomasmom
Emu Egg
Joined: Oct 02, 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 9:52 am Post subject: OOps |
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| I've always told my son ( who is 7) if someone hits him to punch them in the nose. What should I tell him to do if someone hits him? We put him Karate but we pulled him becuase he started punching his little brother and sister. He's never been violent and he dosen't understand why he can hit in karate but not at home. We'll try again in about a year. |
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zeldapsychology
Velociraptor
Joined: May 05, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 479
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 10:05 am Post subject: Re: The bully part |
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| thomasmom wrote: | | My son has pdd-nos and the school says he is an Aspie. In first grade (the first time, we retained him) he had a bully. I NEVER told him to accept it. I taught him to fight back. It was never physical just being mean and getting friends to gang up on him. Whenever the kid picked on him I taught him to yell LOUDLY "Shut up Riley, I don't want to hear your mouth!) It worked for 2 weeks and we revised what he should do when things quit working. We also called the parents multiple times. The parents even went to the school and watched because of the phone calls and they agreed Riley was bullying him. We spoke with the teacher (who is awesome! We requested her again this year!) She did her best to keep them seperated. The problem is that Thomas didn't always understand the kid was mean. He would want to play with him. We worked on it and now he understands that when people are mean they aren't your friend. This year he is doing sooooo much better! He just went to his first non parent invited birthday party. I found myself hoovering when we got there, so I immediately backed up and left him alone and that worked great. I allowed him to be him and he (and I) had a ball. I'm learning how to help him and give him a great life. Any ideas on what I can do? |
Hey your sons issue with bullies/friends remind me of my Elementary school experience I had a friend/bully who would literally hit me. He didn't want me to go play with my other friend. I'd say I'm not going to be your friends anymore and then he'd literally get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. I'd then give in rinse and repeat LOL!  As an adult I saw him while I was still in college he apoligized for his old behavior and we hugged and then talked on the phone on what he had been doing since 5th grade. |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2528
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 10:31 am Post subject: |
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Good thread!
"You have to be strong" is one of my favourites. When everything's crumbling around you, giving you one more obligation is wonderful help.
"Get up and leave. Your pig of a boss doesn't deserve you." Funny, they really think that by becoming unemployed overnight I'm punishing anyone but myself? And that somewhere else it'll for sure be better?
Most people give advice they'd never follow.
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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PrisonerSix
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 16, 2004
Posts: 456
Location: The Village
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 11:59 am Post subject: |
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I've gotten the "Ignore it and it will stop" advice many times, yet when I did ignore it didn't stop and worse when it didn't stop, I was blamed for it!
When my tormentor was female, I was told "she likes you." Totally ridiculous in my opinion. More devaluing what I had to deal with.
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PrisonerSix
"I am not a number, I am a free man!" |
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UndercoverAlien
to fast to alien
Joined: Aug 11, 2008
Posts: 1072
Location: please tell me
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 12:26 pm Post subject: |
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| lionesss wrote: | | yeah when I was picked on, my parents told me to "quit being such a wimp".. well thanks, like that was really helpful |
Damn i hate it when they say some thing like that... it's like saying "stop having a hard time" uhm sorry ill try... even tough im not a wimp at all  |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1762
Location: US, midmap
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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"Try talking it out"
One of the worst of all because it's usually in vain and doesn't accomplish anything, depressing and wastes time.
I have gotten this advice about neighbors time and time again and soooooo many times it has just made the situation worse. You cannot talk to irrational people, in my experience they cannot be reasoned with.
"People are the same everywhere, it won't matter if you move."
Sooooo not true. People are not the same everywhere, in my experience. |
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