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StewartMango
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 09, 2009
Age: 20
Posts: 193
Location: Brick, New Jersey
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 Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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My rule is be at least 21 and married to have children, so you can enjoy school and study better in college, but once that baby is born NO MORE FREEDOM!!! Crying, screaming, dirty diapers, drooling, vomiting, stretch marks, teething, morning sickness, mood swings, post pardon depression, money problems, bullies, diarrhea, boo-boos, emergency room visits, bed wetting, puberty, divorce, heartbreak, PMSing, embarrassment.
Reasons why I don't want children, I have VERY sensitive hearing that stops me from leaving the house and it makes me depressed.
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keerawa
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 24, 2009
Posts: 39
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 3:56 pm Post subject: |
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I got married at 19. We'd been living together for 2 years at theat point. Why? Because I was in love, and we'd both run out of student visas to be together. Luckily, marriage was a possibility for immigration. So, basically, I had a really good reason TO, and only some silly societal worries against.
We won't ever have chicldfren. I'd be a terribly mother, and constant, 24-hour exposure to kids woulfd drive me around the bend. |
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starlighter
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 04, 2007
Posts: 149
Location: Spain
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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I don't think all As women get to marry early, it depends on the personality, I think.
For me I'm not still, but If I had it would be mainly cause I do have maternal instincts, and I'm a woman, strong, but still sooner or later we tend to 'need' someone by our side in general, so he would be my 'chubby' I guess. But as I said it depends on the personality. More dependent, less, weaker, stronger, etc .. Personally I think I have fought a lot for remainig tough and free as mush I could, but I do feel I'm starting to really 'need' somebody. (age, sex, life circunstances, etc) |
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Xinae
Blue Jay
Joined: Dec 29, 2008
Posts: 87
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 6:23 pm Post subject: Re: What's up with AS girls marrying so early...? |
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| anna-banana wrote: | ok it's not that I disapprove, I'm just trying to understand it- why do so many of you get married so early?
there's plenty of aspie girls on this forum who are 18-24 and are already married. I don't know, for me it's something so big that I don't think I'll ever be mature enough emotionally for taking this step.
so what makes you guys do it? |
I didn't read all 6 pages......sorry....
I can relate to your 'not feeling emotionally mature enough' statement. I never felt like I got along with my peer group, I either get along really well with people younger or older than me. I have always felt out of place with people my age. When I was younger I didn't date, I didn't start dating until I was around 24, it's also when I first started having sex. Relationships were nightmares for me. I didn't know how to act in one. I felt like everything I did was wrong. I was 31 when I got married to my hubby, he's the only guy to ever accept me for who I am, all my oddities, btw he's 10 years younger than I am. I was 35 when I gave birth to my son and 37 when I gave birth to my daughter.
People always refer to me as a 'late bloomer' but that's not it at all. I don't like wasting time, playing games etc, because I don't know how. When I was younger I didn't feel like I could handle dating and wasn't emotionally ready for it. I feel comfortable where I am in life because I took the time I needed and found the right person. |
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mila_oblong
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Aug 27, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 38
Location: New Jersey, USA, Earth
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| Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 9:12 pm Post subject: |
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| TXaspie wrote: | One thing I've noticed about aspie girls is they tend to lack originality, from my experiences....with them.
So they get married, HOW ORIGINAL! Every young girl wants to do that because they are brainwashed by TV shows and "oh I need you to hold me !" Blah.
If only they knew living a more balanced, healthy and spiritual life is more fulfilling than early marriage. There is all the time in the world to get married later on, a female should become independent first. Or else you know the marriage won't last long, females without independence are very cumbersome. |
That means I must have originality since I'm not married. Funny thing is, I always thought it was the NT girls who tended to lack originality more. |
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MissConstrue
Has left WP.
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Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Posts: 16635
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| Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 11:17 pm Post subject: |
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I can definitely relate to the OP, I'm not married and have never felt emotionally mature enough for it or even a relationship.
Does seem to be a number of girls who do or in some cases have children too young. Trouble is there may be a child invovled. So I don't really know the answere to the question. Maybe religion has something to do with it. I knew one girl who was in early stages of pregnancy that was getting married for this reason. Her dad was of baptist faith and wasn't about to welcome the child without it having a mother and father.
This is where I think genders differ...but I'm not so sure guys don't marry young either. My brother in law's an excellent example of one who married into his teens and then divorced. Maybe some girls that're very young have these unrealisitic ideals about what love is....like no father figure?
To those who are married, I'm not putting you down. I think I know where the OP may be coming from on this question as I've seen a number of very young girls marry moreso than guys or talk about it as if it's their ultimate wish or dream come true. Although I do think the attitude is changing more and more. I think people are beginning to wait until maturity before marrying and having children.
I can't imagine what it must've been like back then when there were no birth control pills or condoms and what most girls went through. Ugh...
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LinnaeusCat
Toucan
Joined: Jul 23, 2009
Age: 42
Posts: 275
Location: Le Monde
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| Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:28 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | I mean, what married women stay home nowdays?  |
Self employed ones with a home/office. 
I started dating when I was 13, not because I was boy crazy or hormonal, but because my late father was the first person who showed attention to my mother, and I didn't want to end up the same as her.
During my dating years, I didn't believe in serial monogamy (ie. date someone exclusively for a long time, breakup, lather, rinse, repeat) so I dated a rotating number of boys non-exclusively (like people used to in the 1950's and earlier).
My theory was that if I dated this way, I would be less likely to have regrets if/when I did eventually marry/pairbond.
I thought of dates as a series of interviews in which my job was to find out if a particular guy might potentially be a good friend. I always knew I could never love anyone (or eventually be physically intimate/emotionally vunerable with them) unless the relationship was based on a bedrock of friendship, shared interests/worldview, trust, and equality, so this was how I initially filtered the guys I dated.
It may sound rather cold (or perhaps not, since I'm used to being the odd person out in a sea of NT women) but at heart I'm a loner, so even though the social interaction scared me, dating like that was the logical choice for me.
My assumption was that I'd date like into early adulthood while remaining comfortably single and independent at heart; perhaps growing bored eventually and fully embracing my quirkyalone tendencies.
Or perhaps I'd eventually find someone who'd become a very close friend; someone who shared my goals, sensibilities, and lifeview (ie. love travel and the creative arts, didn't want children, etc.), someone excited and passionate about the life of the mind. I assumed that if I ever did find such a person, I'd be much older (ie. 40's or 50's) and was very comfortable with that scenario.
It didn't work out that way.
I met my husband (in a taxi cab when I was carrying what turned out to be our favorite book) when I was 19. We were friends for months, becoming closer and closer until we couldn't imagine living separately or dating anyone else. A loner like me with similar enthusiasms, we two loners somehow ended up fitting together perfectly.
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daydreamer84
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 09, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 127
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| Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 12:05 am Post subject: |
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| I was married when I was 22. The marriage only lasted a month and a half. (We had known each other for a year and a half before getting married. so it was not an impulsive marriage.)At the time I was very much in love, which makes any person blinded to logic and obsessive...but I am a particularly obsessive person. I was also obsessed with the idea of having a child; I researched childhood disorders and diseases, child rearing. And generally anything related to children. I also spent a great deal of my time daydreaming about what my children would be like. At the time I was broke and un-employed, but I figured things would just magically work themselves out, and I would be in the perfect position to have children in a few short years. In my case I was simply immature and naive and got carried away. He turned out to be a total jerk, but that is a whole other long story. |
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MONKEY
Mermaid fanatic
Joined: Jan 04, 2009
Age: 16
Posts: 2314
Location: The moon
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| Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 5:51 pm Post subject: |
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I don't want to get married when I'm older just cohabitate.
I do want children when I'm older. You know what even now at this young age I get insanely jealous when I see a pregnant woman, and seeing little babies or child birth on TV moves me almost to tears and I always wish it was me. I wish I wasn't so young gggrrrr.
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ChangelingGirl
Brazilian Wandering Spider
Joined: Sep 19, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 1281
Location: Netherlands
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| Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 5:55 pm Post subject: Re: What's up with AS girls marrying so early...? |
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| I have never thought of this as an Aspie thing at all. If one thing, I assumed Aspies (male and female) would marry later, due to our difficulty with relationships. My NT mom married at 23. Maybe it's the generation difference, but I at 23 don't consider marrying anytime soon. I'm not even sure whether I want to marry at all, but that will depend on what I and my boyfriend decide on at some point. |
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Fiz
The Outspoken
Joined: Jan 30, 2006
Posts: 1587
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom
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| Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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It would take one hell of a man to convince me to give up half of my identity (i.e. my surname) and assets to him. I personally think marriage is a waste of time and money, originally designed by men to control women. If I ever marry, then you will know that I have found a worthy man. My current boyfriend doesn't believe in the concept of marriage either, hence that's the only reason why we haven't walked down the aisle.
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Mediocre=boring
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tinmaiden
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 14, 2009
Age: 21
Posts: 50
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| Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 10:59 am Post subject: |
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I'm 21 and I can't imagine being married. The idea freaks me out like nothing else, and the major reason is, "I'd have to spend SO MUCH TIME with that person!" D:
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Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.
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HamOfCydonia
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 26, 2009
Posts: 40
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 7:46 pm Post subject: |
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I am not married, though I did come close to it not long ago. I can definitely see why aspie women would marry young, at least if they are anything like me.
If I make a connection with someone it takes a lot of effort and work and is very difficult (I have few personal relationships) and if I manage to forge a link like that I want it to be a lifetime link - no more relationship-making processes in the future. Not to take the romance out of it of course, because that is all part of making a romantic relationship in the first place. I would just rather have something steady immediately than look around for a while first. |
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Sati
Velociraptor
Joined: Sep 03, 2009
Age: 23
Posts: 466
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| Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2009 3:54 am Post subject: |
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| I'm 23, and I got married when I was 21. My husband and I had been together for 5 years at the time, and it just felt right. This is the only serious relationship I've ever had, and I just can't imagine not being with him. |
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luvmycutebaby
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Aug 27, 2009
Age: 32
Posts: 48
Location: US
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| Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2009 2:40 pm Post subject: |
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| I married at 22 right out of college. I always wanted to be a mom and romantic relationships were my obsession. |
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