keviefriend
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 05, 2010
Posts: 10
Location: Minneapolis, MN
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 Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 12:48 am Post subject: what I guess I meant... |
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Earlier, when I was talking about monogamy being a judeo-christian concept, and that there is not link between love and sex... I do feel that way.
I'm not suggesting that I could have sex with just anyone. There are people who garner negative emotional reactions from me, and I therefore wouldn't sleep with them. Dick Cheney and Perez Hilton, for example.
However, generally speaking, I don't find sex with my bf, whom I do love, to be functionally better than sex with my friend Joey, whom I'm not romantically attached to.
The way Derek and I see it, is that if we're really as complex of people as we think we are, there is no way we can expect all of our needs to be met by just one other person.
Some people can be satisfied with that, but when you consider how many people cheat on their partners, I'm not led to believe that it's very many people. I think aspies are different that way (IE, more loyal), but there I go again with another generalization.
I don't think anything will work for everyone. Life is too complex for one-size-fits-all solutions. If you're happy with the same guy forever, so be it. Just make sure he is, too, or you'll be disappointed. |
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Stinkypuppy
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 03, 2006
Age: 34
Posts: 1553
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| Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 10:13 am Post subject: Re: what I guess I meant... |
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| keviefriend wrote: | | However, generally speaking, I don't find sex with my bf, whom I do love, to be functionally better than sex with my friend Joey, whom I'm not romantically attached to. The way Derek and I see it, is that if we're really as complex of people as we think we are, there is no way we can expect all of our needs to be met by just one other person. Some people can be satisfied with that, but when you consider how many people cheat on their partners, I'm not led to believe that it's very many people. I think aspies are different that way (IE, more loyal), but there I go again with another generalization. |
There's a kind of tug-of-war at play here though:
If we have our needs met by many other people, you're less at a loss if any one particular person for whatever reason can no longer meet your needs, but the downside is that each individual person who meets your needs is not special, since that person can be fairly easily replaced.
If we have our needs met by just one person, you're potentially very vulnerable if that person can no longer meet your needs, but that person is special and will pretty much be "one in a million". Regarding people as "special", however, pre-dates any Abrahamic religion.
The number of people you want to have in your life meeting your needs will be dependent on your outlook on life, what is important to you, and how special you are willing to consider other people who help you. I agree with you, this number will vary from person to person; there's no one-size-fits-all solution to this.
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Well, as complex as human beings might be, I personally try to be as self-sufficient as possible, so that I wouldn't require many needs to be met by other people. Because I consider it exceedingly rare for people to be able or willing to rise to the challenge to meet those few needs I still have remaining anyway (being my boyfriend is not for the faint of heart  ), I consider people like that to be very special and treasured, so I lean towards the "fewer number" end of the scale... effectively pretty much 1.
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Won't you help a poor little puppy? |
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TomTee
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 13, 2010
Posts: 41
Location: Boston
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| Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 10:49 am Post subject: |
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I'm bi but lean more to the gay side. I cannot really connect emotionally with women, but I sometimes find their bodies interesting and exciting. Then again I don't have a ton of experience with females. I really like males as people. My dream male would be smart, kind at heart, smooth, fair to pale skinned, kind of feminine in appearance in a cute way but not in acting and versatile in likes though maybe with a slight "malelish" bias. I am basically like this the only difference is I have a slight femalish bias. I think I could stay forever and really love someone like that.
I find the gay scene very depressing. Not so much because of all the sex (lol) but more because of all the drugs and low self esteem behavior that is prevalent. And I can't stand talk about fashion or trends... just so transient and meaningless to me. |
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ilivinamushroom
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 30, 2009
Posts: 215
Location: southern oregon
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TomTee
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 13, 2010
Posts: 41
Location: Boston
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| Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 1:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Why not just make a gay/bi and related subforum? |
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ilivinamushroom
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 30, 2009
Posts: 215
Location: southern oregon
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| Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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that is an excellent idea I have already submitted a header to a moderator but haven't received a reply. this is my header idea any suggestions ?
This is a place for Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered and questioning members of all ages (keep it clean!!!) to post about their lives and loves being queer and on the spectrum. We have enough life challenges being a double minority and wish to keep this a safe and supportive place so please only positive and constructive posts, keep it confrontation free!. Threads are open to all posters but as it states this is a place for Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered and questioning members, so keep in mind that if you post here you will be assumed to be LGBTQ unless otherwise stated. |
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Pippo
Emu Egg
Joined: Dec 31, 2009
Age: 44
Posts: 3
Location: Austin, Texas
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| Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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I, for one, am a gay male with AS.
It is exceedingly difficult trying to form not only romantic relationships, but friendships as well. The reason for that is the same for anyone with AS. We simply do not know what to do. For me, I haven't a clue how to initiate a conversation with someone I'm interested. I come off sounding like an idiot. I have no idea that someone shows interest in me because I don't recognize the subtle clues that they give me.
Plus, I never go to the gay clubs. Mainly because of the sensory overload I get when there are too many (drunk) people, and too much loud music. Not exactly a paradise for someone with AS.
So basically my encounters (sexual) have always been very random and anonymous, which is not a safe and healthy way to express myself sexually with someone. But it's the only way I know how. It would be great to meet other gay men with AS so that we can find a commonality, develop friendships, and form realtionships when there is that special connection. |
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Stinkypuppy
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 03, 2006
Age: 34
Posts: 1553
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| Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:05 pm Post subject: |
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Welcome to WP, Pippo!
I'm always up for meeting other Aspies in a relaxed setting as well, enjoying common interests or exploring new ones. 
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audioeyes
Toucan
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Joined: Feb 23, 2009
Age: 27
Posts: 255
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2010 12:46 pm Post subject: |
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Me too
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RS CONCEPTIONS @ rikkimusic.webeden.co.uk |
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Magnus
Happy Anarchy Day
Joined: Jul 25, 2008
Posts: 2703
Location: Claremont, California
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FreeSpirit2000
Toucan
Joined: Aug 08, 2009
Posts: 257
Location: Somewhere
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| Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:28 pm Post subject: My opinion |
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| Seriously I think homosexuality should be banned because it is the cause of all sexually transmitted health problems, and all gays act like wimps and sissys. Ever since human civilization was created, relations were intended between a man and a woman and should only stay that way. |
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irishaspie
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 26, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 366
Location: ireland
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| Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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i hope youre joking freespirit2000
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If grass can grow through cement, love can find you at every time in your life.
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Pippo
Emu Egg
Joined: Dec 31, 2009
Age: 44
Posts: 3
Location: Austin, Texas
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| Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:56 pm Post subject: Re: My opinion |
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| FreeSpirit2000 wrote: | | Seriously I think homosexuality should be banned because it is the cause of all sexually transmitted health problems, and all gays act like wimps and sissys. Ever since human civilization was created, relations were intended between a man and a woman and should only stay that way. |
Oh dear, oh dear...
Someone isn't very aware of history, and is very misinformed about sexually transmitted diseases. If so, on what facts do you base your opinions? Or did you come up with that on your own?
You should proably change your name. "FreeSpirit" is totally wrong for you. |
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FreeSpirit2000
Toucan
Joined: Aug 08, 2009
Posts: 257
Location: Somewhere
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| Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 10:15 pm Post subject: Re: My opinion |
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| Pippo wrote: | | FreeSpirit2000 wrote: | | Seriously I think homosexuality should be banned because it is the cause of all sexually transmitted health problems, and all gays act like wimps and sissys. Ever since human civilization was created, relations were intended between a man and a woman and should only stay that way. |
Oh dear, oh dear...
Someone isn't very aware of history, and is very misinformed about sexually transmitted diseases. If so, on what facts do you base your opinions? Or did you come up with that on your own?
You should proably change your name. "FreeSpirit" is totally wrong for you. |
Well if you are a man, you should accept yourself for who you are and live, act, think and dress like a man. You should not deny how you were born or how god brought you to this earth. If you act gay and start dressing all feminine and act and talk all feminine, this just proves that you have a lack of self-esteem. |
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Pippo
Emu Egg
Joined: Dec 31, 2009
Age: 44
Posts: 3
Location: Austin, Texas
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| Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 11:26 pm Post subject: Re: My opinion |
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| FreeSpirit2000 wrote: | | Pippo wrote: | | FreeSpirit2000 wrote: | | Seriously I think homosexuality should be banned because it is the cause of all sexually transmitted health problems, and all gays act like wimps and sissys. Ever since human civilization was created, relations were intended between a man and a woman and should only stay that way. |
Oh dear, oh dear...
Someone isn't very aware of history, and is very misinformed about sexually transmitted diseases. If so, on what facts do you base your opinions? Or did you come up with that on your own?
You should proably change your name. "FreeSpirit" is totally wrong for you. |
Well if you are a man, you should accept yourself for who you are and live, act, think and dress like a man. You should not deny how you were born or how god brought you to this earth. If you act gay and start dressing all feminine and act and talk all feminine, this just proves that you have a lack of self-esteem. |
Lack self-esteem...hmmm...nope, don't think so. If I "acted" in any way, shape, or form that was contrary to how I truly felt about myself just to please others and make them like me better, whether it was feminine or not, would really provide proof to a lack of self-esteem.
I am on the feminine side, and I am gay. I'm not in the least ashamed of it, nor will I give you or anyone else the power to make me feel ashamed. I'm certain that everyone else who's contributed to this forum, on this topic, will say the same thing to you.
You are welcome to your opinions, but believe this...They will in no way shape how we live our lives. |
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