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pad
Phoenix
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Age: 22
Posts: 625
Location: New Jersey
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 Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 3:50 pm Post subject: |
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small talk can be okay if people would stop acting so programmingly conventional all the time and just speak honest . But I guess that one of aspies traits is that,for the most part, we are honest people. But in the real world (the so-called "normal" people) were not honest. That why people emphasize tremendously on being honest and friendly, but nt arent' that. They must always follow the unwritten social rules at all times in intiatiating in a converstion. That why nt can't speak from the soul because it's hard to find it for them.
Damn, I have to learn not to speak the truth, apparently it's rude or something
Last edited by pad on Sun Dec 11, 2005 3:59 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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SpaceCase
Always Here,Never There...
Joined: Mar 15, 2005
Age: 18
Posts: 2669
Location: Mississippi,USA
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 3:58 pm Post subject: |
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For me it easier to talk to girls and some boys that I know but if some strange older boy comes up to me and starts talking to me it freaks me out.But then again there WERE times that I've felt talkative...
-SpaceCase 
_________________
I'll be damned if I do,I'll be damned if I don't...
Well,I'll be damned!
I'LL DO WHAT I WANT.
Last edited by SpaceCase on Mon Dec 12, 2005 7:07 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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GroovyDruid
Columnist
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 384
Location: where I decide
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| Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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| pad wrote: |
dam*, I have to learn not to speak the truth, apparently it's rude or something... |
Well, not only is speaking the truth sometimes considered rude, NTs also often consider it dangerous. I'll explain that:
NTs possess a set of psychological "masks" that they use for different social activities. Maintaining these masks is of the UTMOST importance. They protect themselves with these masks and come to rely on them for security.
So when you talk to an NT you don't know well about truth, he'll feel very strange. He expects small talk, i.e., both of you stand there and describe your masks and lie about how well you are doing and how great the weather is and how important you are. Truth is a direct threat to an NT's mask, and he'll move away from you immediately rather than have his sham unthreaded by your honest inquiry.
'Tis just the way the animal functions, I'm afraid. 
_________________
Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
Power and magic in it.
--Goethe |
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grayson
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 05, 2005
Posts: 239
Location: Netherlands
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 3:38 am Post subject: |
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GroovyDruid, what a great explanation!
My preferred mode of talking is to discuss the things that interest me and to be searingly honest and direct. When I was younger I asked questions that made people gasp. I dislike all the chitchat that must go on in the schoolyard while waiting to pick up my kids. I have gotten quite good at it while still detesting it, which means that a psychologist trying to decide whether I was AS based on my ability to make smalltalk and seem to enjoy it would decide I was not AS (and would be wrong).
If you read my posts here, you'll see me at my most authentic: posting searingly intimate details about myself under my real name with my photo on display. I don't feel I have anything to hide, though I have done things that other people find "bad". I wish I could be this direct and honest all the time, but I spent many years as a lonely, bullied little girl learning that that isn't the way the world works. As a result I have some excellent NT emulation software running, which can be handy but is far from "satisfying".
My husband cringes at this; he says I am very naïve and I can't just go around being so open and honest everywhere. Sometimes he stops me when I am about to infringe on some stranger's sense of privacy and distance by asking a very personal question. When I feel that urge welling up, I'll often look at him to see if it's a good idea in the NT world.
_________________
Much madness is divinest sense, to a discerning eye; much sense, the starkest madness. (Emily Dickinson) |
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GroovyDruid
Columnist
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 384
Location: where I decide
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 3:45 pm Post subject: |
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| grayson wrote: | | GroovyDruid, what a great explanation! |
Thank you. The product of a bunch of reading and discussion I've been doing lately with some NTs.
| grayson wrote: |
My preferred mode of talking is to discuss the things that interest me and to be searingly honest and direct.... If you read my posts here, you'll see me at my most authentic: posting searingly intimate details about myself under my real name with my photo on display. I don't feel I have anything to hide... |
Exactly! Most aspies I talk to feel this way. They feel there is nothing to hide, and they just put themselves out there. I'm this way, too. Because they feel this way, aspies often think that NTs have similarly open dispositions, and this is where they make some terrific blunders!
| grayson wrote: |
My husband cringes at this; he says I am very naïve and I can't just go around being so open and honest everywhere. Sometimes he stops me when I am about to infringe on some stranger's sense of privacy and distance by asking a very personal question. When I feel that urge welling up, I'll often look at him to see if it's a good idea in the NT world. |
Sounds like a good setup you have there. That's very kind of you to care for people enough to check your impulses. Most aspies don't think of it this way, but we are in a powerful position, a poisition to be patient with these lost, confused NTs.
_________________
Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
Power and magic in it.
--Goethe |
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joku_muko
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 10, 2004
Posts: 532
Location: Oregon
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 3:56 pm Post subject: |
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| My favorite type of talk is BS talk. I like small talk cause its ridiculous. I can easily see that and am very amused at its BS factor. Most of my talk is very truthful but at the same time has the characteristic of being very sarcastic or BS layered. Making fun of this in my own way has lead me to deal with it. On the other hand very personal stuff is a lot harder for me. Talking small (I call it BS talk is easier.) On the other hand I can also be too honest sometimes. Either saying too much or too little. So its like I'm either too offensive or defensive. But there are times I leave myself open too much. Hope that made sense. |
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hell_grey
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 14, 2005
Posts: 225
Location: Virginia
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 11:10 pm Post subject: |
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in general i hate smalltalk because it seems so superfluous. but smoe of the things people consider smalltalk, like asking "how are you?" are things i say all the time. to me that isn't smalltalk... when i say "how is everyone" or whatever I really want to know how people are doing so it isn't small talk per se. and when i do engage in smalltalk i do it, like somene before me said already, to get to the meat of the conversation that is bound to be reached eventually  usually at school though its not worth the effort and i really talk to only a few people that are the same way as me. w00t.  |
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