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airbikecop
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 29, 2005
Posts: 209
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 Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 9:50 pm Post subject: How to advance in a relationship? |
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Long story short: I want to (re) hook up with someone. But she is, in MAJOR poverty, while I have money. And she won't accept my stuff, if I recall right.
How can I not come on too strong?! And get where I want to be with her? |
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Larval
Black Doves
Joined: Nov 16, 2005
Posts: 1037
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 2:11 am Post subject: |
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Go Dutch. E.g. you pay for your stuff and she pays for her stuff.
Of course that may limit the options you have for local area restarants and such. So maybe let her suggest a place? |
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airbikecop
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 29, 2005
Posts: 209
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 4:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Good advice, but I also want a second opinion. |
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Jetson
The Map Maker
Joined: Feb 23, 2005
Posts: 1219
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 1:10 am Post subject: |
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I came from a very poor family (absent and financially unsupportive father, mother working at or near the minimum wage while raising two kids) and my sense of values reflected that situation. Whenever I received a gift from someone, I would end up either feeling guilty because I thought they were wasting money on me that could be better used elsewhere, or else I worried that I was somehow abusing the relationship and allowing myself to be "bought" (although for what purpose I couldn't tell). I simply couldn't understand that their perception of money was different from mine and that what I saw as a lavish gift was a minor expense for them. (Mind blindness?) As an adult I stumbled into a high-paying career, and suddenly I was on the other side of the issue. Now there are occasions where I want to buy someone a gift they couldn't afford on their own and the situation becomes awkward for all the same reasons. In each case, I have to convince them that (1) the gift is given out of a sense of affection, not a sense of duty, guilt or pity; (2) there are no strings attached; (3) it will not cause me any financial discomfort; and (4) I'm not doing it simply to impress them. Once they accept that my motives are pure and my feelings are genuine there's a lot less resistance.
If there is a serious disparity between your financial situations, you would probably be well advised to stay away from lavish gifts (from your partner's perspective) until the relationship is well established and your partner has acquired some comfort with your financial situation. IE: If your date's finances are such that fast food is a luxury, then you want to skip the better restaurants and stick to McD's for a while.
_________________
What would Flying Spaghetti Monster do? |
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Larval
Black Doves
Joined: Nov 16, 2005
Posts: 1037
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| Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 7:51 pm Post subject: |
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Keep us posted.
Good luck!! |
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airbikecop
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 29, 2005
Posts: 209
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| Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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I'm on break from college so I can attempt this.
Only problem is... I can meet her in person or talk to her on the phone. I think I'll meet her in person.
Just gotta get a new battery for my car, it's not running. |
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